Monday, March 30, 2009

Cool label, crap beer

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Twitter

Recently I have been hearing a lot about "Twitter," a micro-blogging site where people obsessively report their every little action. I checked it out and found that the service is basically for self-important egomaniacs who think everyone wants to hear about every time they eat a burrito. So, naturally I signed up for an account.

The first update I got was from John Mayer. He thinks he's super profound but he's about as deep as a kiddie pool. Check out his latest musings:



What a toolbox. If you are interested in stalking me, visit http://twitter.com/ryandangersims.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Employee of the month

Police: Woman drugs boss's coffee so he'll 'chill'
Associated Press (article excerpt) - March 13, 2009

Police said a woman has been arrested for allegedly slipping some tranquilizers into her boss's coffee because she felt "he needed to chill out." Police said the 24-year-old woman admitted to detectives that she slipped the drugs into veteranarian John Duckett's drink. Officers said Duckett knew something was wrong shortly after drinking some of the coffee Tuesday morning.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Top 5 coolest celebrities

1. Harrison Ford (1977)
2. Neil Patrick Harris
3. Paul Rudd
4. Tina Fey
5. Stephen Colbert

Cold as ice: Chris Dane Owens

Thank you to everyone that contributed. Who knew there were so many cool celebrities out there?

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Top 5 coolest celebrities (in progress)

Okay people, I need your help. Please submit the names of people you consider to be the "coolest celebrities" by clicking the "comments" link below. I will review the submissions and use them to compile my "top 5" list. Man, I am using a lot of "quotations" in this "post."

Before you submit, please observe the following rules:

1) You can post as many or as few times as you like but I need at least 5 different people to post before I publish the list.

2) If anyone submits Shia LaBeouf as a candidate, they will be automatically disqualified.

Now giddy up and start posting!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Guns for Gaga

I have an extremely high tolerance for crappy pop music. That being said, there is a new song on the radio that is so vile, so gut-wrenchingly stupid, that I feel I must write to warn everyone about it. The musical abomination I am speaking of is “Poker Face” by Lady Gaga.

I am not going to provide a link to this song because I do not want to promote it further than I already am. I know that this may seem ridiculous because by writing about the song I have no doubt piqued your interest. In fact, I would bet dollars to doughnuts that the next thing you do on the intraweb will be to search for this horrible song. You inquisitive bastards!

My favorite line in this craptacular masterpiece is not “I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning” as some of you may have guessed. No, the line I am speaking of is “Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun.”

Okay, so I never played Russian Roulette but I am pretty sure you need a firearm. This is kind of like saying “Monopoly is not the same without a game board.” I am left to imagine Gaga and her friends sitting around, tossing bullets at their heads in frustration.

The whole thing has inspired me to start a fundraiser with the goal of buying Lady Gaga and her friends a revolver. I’m calling it “Guns for Gaga” and I am sure that it will make the world a better place for all.



Please send money soon! I fear that Gaga may resort to playing Russian Roulette with her “love-glue-gun” and who knows what kind of chaos would result from that.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Australians are badass

Kangaroo intruder terrorizes Aussie sleeping family
Reuters (article excerpt) - March 9, 2009

An Australian couple thought they were being attacked by an intruder when a kangaroo crashed through their bedroom window and started jumping on them.

"My initial thought, when I was half awake, was it's a lunatic ninja coming through the window. It seems about as likely as a kangaroo breaking in," Beat Ettlin told local media on Monday.

The three metre (9 feet) kangaroo smashed through the window in Ettlin's Canberra home on Sunday night.

While Ettlin and his wife and young daughter took refuge under the blankets, the injured kangaroo jumped on top of them, gouging holes in the furniture.

The next thing Ettlin heard was his 10-year-old son Leighton screaming from his bed: "There's a 'roo in my room!'"

Ettlin, a 42-year-old chef, wrestled the bleeding kangaroo, got it into a headlock and dragged it out the front door. The kangaroo disappeared into bushes.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Top 5 most annoying celebrities

1. Paris Hilton (a predictable choice, but still true)
2. Dr. Phil
3. Adrian Brody
4. Bono
5. Whoopi Goldberg

Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Caption contest #2

I got this photo out of People en EspaƱol (my new favorite magazine):



Since the original caption is in Spanish I converted it to English by running the text through the online language translator Babel Fish. I converted it from Spanish to English, and then double-checked it by converting the English to Japanese, and then translated it back into English. Apparently the caption reads:

"New urine a little just? A.B. As for QUINTANILLA in young promise in estrellato lassoing, him him the future of many NO for the singer of this sort which is given and that fianc2ee Elizabeth of Miami and amicable it is us to thing something which is not in [serenade]."

Now that that's cleared up, it's time for you to write your own. Go ahead and submit your caption for the photo now by clicking on the "comments" link below!