Monday, December 08, 2014

Awareness ribbon awareness

We all know that being aware of a problem is tantamount to solving it. It is also a known fact that displaying an awareness ribbon for a cause is the best way to show that you care enough about that cause to display an awareness ribbon for it. The problem arises when you care about lots of different causes. How do you choose which ribbon to display?

For example, what if you want people to be aware of keeping kids off drugs, while simultaneously raising awareness for disabled Coast Guard veterans with high blood pressure? That’s where my ribbon comes in. My “total awareness” ribbon covers every cause from A to Z (Alligator Attack Victims to Zumba Injury Sufferers). It’s the one ribbon to rule them all.

If you're like me, you're probably thinking that this ribbon is one of the ugliest pieces of shit you've ever seen. What can I say? All the other designs were taken.

Bonus true story: His Holiness the Dalai Lama, in his search for total awareness, had fastened so many ribbons to his robe that he could no longer walk. After purchasing one of my ribbons (for a modest fifty bucks), he was able to toss all his other ribbons in a landfill and get back to his job of llama farming (or whatever that guy does for a living). Talk about a success story!

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