Monday, December 17, 2018

Imperial

RATING: 3.5/5



Imperial is a Costa Rican favorite. Many people don't know this, but the name actually translates to "easy drinkin’ beer." Imperial reminds me a bit of Red Stripe, but it maintains a slight edge in flavor because it's not as sweet. Imperial also has a sick-ass eagle thing on the label, which is pretty cool.

Sunday, December 16, 2018

Henry’s Hard Soda Grape

RATING: 3/5



Tastes like grape soda. The flavor was not at as bad as I thought it would be (usually with these freak shows I end up fighting to take the last swallow). The problem is that each bottle contains 222 calories. If you're just trying to get a buzz, it'd probably be healthier to just huff paint.

Saturday, December 15, 2018

Crooked Lane Brewing Company SR-16 Double IPA

RATING: 5/5



I reviewed this beer using voice dictation while drinking at NorCal brewery. Enjoy.

"Smoothligh grassy perfect ipa bitter aftertaste without overpowering the pallet. 5/5 Got it close to brewery in Grass Valley Floral and satisfying. Would pair great with any meal. I’m sold!"

Friday, December 14, 2018

Modelo Especial

RATING: 3.5/5



Modelo Extra has long been one of my go-to Mexican beers. Smooth, easy drinking with a sweet finish. Ideal for beachside sippin'.

Thursday, December 13, 2018

Saint Archer IPA

RATING: 4.5/5



I don't know how this Archer guy was able to find time to create this fantastic beer while also doing whatever he had to do to become a saint. This IPA has a hints of chocolate up front and finishes with a crisp hint of fresh cut grass. Not overly bitter. A pleasant beer for any occasion.

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Anchor Steam

RATING: 4/5



Anchor Steam dons what may be my favorite beer label of all time. I haven't had one of these brews in a while and it proved to be a lot lighter than I remember. A mild malt flavor gives way to a clean bitter finish which refreshes the palate.

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Mother Earth Brew Co. Cali Creamin' Vanilla Cream Ale

RATING: 2/5



The unfortunately named "Cali Creamin'" ale is an interesting effort. The beer starts off with a typical light beer flavor and finishes with what can only be described as a musty, stale, Fruity Pebbles-like aftertaste. It wasn't completely undrinkable, but I definitely won't be coming back for more.

Monday, December 10, 2018

Corona Familiar

RATING: 3.5/5



I’m not sure what to make of this beer. Corona Familiar is more expensive than Corona Extra. Why am I paying more for something that isn’t extra? To make a garbled comparison to another Mexican adult beverage, I was hoping to have a similar quality jump from Corona Extra to Corona Famimliar, as there is from Cuervo to Cuervo 1800. But alas this is not the case. Corona isn’t that complex to begin with, and this just seems like a slight variation on the formula. Corona Familiar may be a little smoother than Corona Extra, but the small quality jump isn't worth the money.

Sunday, December 09, 2018

Guinness Irish Wheat

RATING: 3/5



It was fine. I didn’t pick up on the "banana and clove" flavors but it did have a nice citrus lemon zest at the finish. This beer is the definition of "okay," as there was really nothing special to make it stand out. I don't feel that this brew is worth the Guinness label, or the high price tag.

Saturday, December 08, 2018

Modelo Especial Chelada

RATING: 3/5



Not as bad as most tomato flavored beers, but that’s not saying much. Plus, at 3.5% ABV, you’d have to swallow a sickening amount to get a buzz. Might as well drink Bloody Marys and get your vitamins.

Friday, December 07, 2018

Hop Valley Brewing Company Alphadelic IPA

RATING: 4.5/5



Floral, very well balanced and smooth. I can see myself drinking this on the beach, at a BBQ, with a cheese platter, on a house, with a mouse.

Thursday, December 06, 2018

Twisted Tea

RATING: 2/5



My first reaction was "this isn't super tasty, but it's okay for an alcoholic tea." I don’t really have a great frame of reference because I’ve only had one other alcoholic tea drink and it was very sweet and gross. Twisted Tea has a synthetic lemon aftertaste that reminds me of the giant cans of Arizona Iced Tea I used to drink back in the day. The first few sips were okay, but it definitely got harder on my stomach the more I drank. I almost couldn't finish the tall boy.

Wednesday, December 05, 2018

Guinness Blonde American Lager

RATING: 4/5



I have to admit I was a bit nervous trying this, as my favorite brewer has failed me in the past. Turns out I had nothing to worry about. Guinness Blonde's initial sweetness is balanced nicely by a slight sour lemon finish. This combination leads to a very drinkable brew. I’m so glad Guinness didn’t mess this one up!

Tuesday, December 04, 2018

Leinenkugel’s Summer Shandy

RATING: 3.5/5



Even though it looks foreign and is hard to spell, Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy is from Wisconsin. Weird.

This stuff tastes like sparkling lemonade, which I used to love as a kid. It also reminds me of lemon popsicles. Although Leinenkugel’s smells like fresh squeezed lemon, it stays away from the dish soap flavor often associated with these types of brews. I wouldn't always pick it over a good beer, but it would make a nice change up on a summer afternoon.

Monday, December 03, 2018

Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout

RATING: 3.5/5



I had this beer a long time ago and hated it. I have to say that I’m a lot more impressed with it this time around. I think this may be due to the fact that there are so many high alcohol beers around now to compare it to. Back in the days of Coors Light and Red Dog, Old Rasputin was an assault on the palate.

Old Rasputin has a kind of coffee flavor and is a little sour on the finish. Okay but nothing to get excited about.

Sunday, December 02, 2018

Golden Road Brewing Company Palisades Pineapple

RATING: 1.5/5



First off, I want to let you know that I am mildly allergic to pineapple, so I'm basically risking my life to write this review. I don't like to throw around the word "hero," but in this case I think it applies.

This beer was a big disappointment. The label promises a beer infused with fruit flavor, but in actuality this stuff was a watery mess. Super light almost-guava flavor, combined with low carbonation. At least Zima was an original idea.

Saturday, December 01, 2018

Zima

RATING: 2/5



Zima may smell like cheap white wine, but it tastes like carbonated cheap white wine. Zima gets major props for being the first of its kind. I remember back in high school sneaking one of these from my grandpa's fridge. It tasted so bad that even as a dumb teenager I knew to stay away from this stuff. I brilliantly replaced my sip with water and hammered the cap back on. Luckily my grandpa must have felt the same way about Zima, because after trying one (not the one I tampered with) he never opened another bottle from the six pack.

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

It's the most wonderful time to drink beer

Yesterday my wife surprised me with a German Beer Advent Calendar, because she is awesome! The "calendar" has 24 unique German beers and an app that lets you scan, rate and review the beers on your phone. Needless to say, I am excited.

On a related note, I will be posting one new beer review per day during December 2018. The reviews will be for brews I already sampled, not the German beauties I will be enjoying every day leading up to Christmas. I'm sure I'll post about them later, but for now I'm just gonna enjoy 'em. If you want to play along, head down to your local Costco and see if they have any left!



Here's a product shot from the company's website. I don't know German, but I'm pretty good at predicting what people are saying by looking at a still photograph.



"Holy doozledorf! There is beers here that are one for every guten tag. Talk about a Germany girl's dreamboat! I can't wait to drink them all through my mouth!"

Thursday, November 15, 2018

Lasagna wings and naked buildings

Comedian Keaton Patti forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Olive Garden commercials and then asked it to write an Olive Garden commercial of its own. Then he did the same thing with stand-up comedy. Click each icon below to read the (one page) scripts. They are fantastic.

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

A beautiful thing

After hearing about Mac Miller's passing, I found his Tiny Desk Concert and I must have watched it at least ten times since then. So much joy and talent.



The songs from this performance aren't available to purchase, so I extracted them from YouTube, cut them into tracks and added album artwork for iTunes. I am making the tracks available for download here. I've never used ads on this site, so I'm not making any money on this. If anyone from his estate reaches out to me I will pull them immediately. I just want to share because, as Mac says, "music is a beautiful thing."



Download Track 1: Small Worlds

Download Track 2: What's The Use (w/Thundercat)

Download Track 3: 2009

Friday, October 05, 2018

The last straw

I have an issue with the children's cartoon Bubble Guppies. I realize that the laws of physics don't apply in cartoons, but the creators of this show have gone too far. There are things that mermaids merpeople simply cannot do.

Strike 1
The characters go swimming in a (underwater) pool.

Strike 2
The characters roast marshmallows over a (underwater) campfire.

Strike 3


You're out, Bubble Guppies!

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Game changer

Thursday, August 30, 2018

My daughter's first screenplay!

My 4-year-old daughter dictated a screenplay to me this morning and I typed it out. The cutest part is that when we finished, she kept asking if we could "watch it on TV." Your move, Scorsese!


Click above to view the full screenplay, complete with storyboard art!

Monday, August 20, 2018

This fence may outlast us all

Update: The fence is still (kind of) standing.

Sunday, August 12, 2018

Bad news

Are you tired of reading news articles about how bad everything has gotten? Here's a terrible top 10 list instead, just to switch it up!

I recently discovered this "Worst Celebrities of All Time" list, created by popular vote on TheTopTens.com.



WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

Friday, August 10, 2018

A dog's age

Do you know the old adage that says "one human year is equal to seven dog years?" Well, apparently that's bull dogshit. Here's the real deal.

Monday, August 06, 2018

A rat in the bathroom!

What do you do when a rat runs in from outside and gets trapped in your bathroom? A lot of yelping and jumping around, apparently.

Friday, August 03, 2018

Sick burn

The theme of this year’s Burning Man is artificial intelligence. To celebrate, scientist Janelle Shane of aiweirdness.com conducted an experiment.

Janelle fed a list of over 1,500 past Burning Man camp names to a neural network (a kind of machine learning algorithm). She then asked the network to create new camp names based on the data set.



Here are my favorite camp names, ranked from 1 to 10.

10. Lump Make Toast
9. Boo Down Whiskers
8. Disco Letheratary It Bang Busterf*ck
7. Camp Secret Buff
6. Princess SpaghetFly
5. The Mad Wall F*ckers
4. Flasher in Fur
3. Cohnie Stacefur Ass Chaos
2. Ho Bobbis Wang Mojo
1. Dirty Chris

Wednesday, August 01, 2018

Like a Boss D.J.

I called in to The Woody Show on ALT 98.7 yesterday to talk about "first world problems."

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Another name by any other name would be a different name

Ever wonder what your name would be if you were born this year instead of the year that you were actually born? Me neither, but this thing is still fun.

time.com/baby-name-popularity/

Sunday, June 24, 2018

My baseball card collection

(Plus two football cards.)

I've been going through my old baseball card collection with my son and we've been having a blast. Although my collection isn't worth the millions of dollars I hoped it would be when I grew up, I am happy to say that it is worth over $300. Well done, 11-year-old Ryan Danger Sims. Well done.


Click on the image to see the full list of my cards.

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

This checks out!

(Click to enlarge.)

Friday, May 25, 2018

This is 40

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

GET LOST

in a good book.

If you're looking for something great to read, I highly recommend the Dublin Murder Squad series by Tana French. I stumbled upon the author by chance when looking for an easy beach read while on vacation. I was surprised to find an excellent author with a number of compelling stories under her belt. I ranked them in order with my favorites at the top.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Must Reads:





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Should Read:





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Read If You Have Spare Time:



Monday, May 07, 2018

Art



I know everyone has seen this video. I am posting it anyway, because it is amazing.

Saturday, April 28, 2018

Fun with Twitter

Amazon wrote me about some headphones I ordered, but they attached the wrong photo. I made a joke about it on Twitter and they reached out to me. In the end they seemed much more concerned about my customer experience than my physical wellbeing.

Monday, April 23, 2018

Calm Down, Roberts

I already posted about this LA Times article on Twitter and Instagram, but I'ma rant about it here too as it really rankles my cankles™.



I've been listening to rap for a long time. Maybe not ever since honeys was wearin' Sassoon, but at least since Cube messed around and got a triple double. My point is that I am familiar with the genre. I've also read a buttload of classic literature. I'm not sure how many books, since I was too busy reading to learn math. Let's just say I've read somewhere between 1 and 5,000,000,000 books.

I have read a couple of Faulkner's novels and they were amazing. I have listened to a few of Kendrick Lamar's songs and they were okay. What in the actual frick is this Rand Rob dude talking about? There are so many African-American artists he could have compared to Faulkner, but Randy Robby chose the "Halle Berry, hallelujah. Holla back, I'll do ya" guy? WTF?

EXTRA BONUS SECTION!!!

I have included two quotes below, one from Faulkner and one from Lamar. See if you can tell which one is which!

“Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world . . . would do this, it would change the earth.”

"She eyeing me like a n*gga don't exist. Girl, I know you want this dick!"

Monday, April 09, 2018

Extreme back scratching

I've said it before and I've said it again, and I'll say it again . . . again: Australians are badass.

Man gets stabbed in pub fight then orders pint with knife stuck in his back
Metro News - April 2, 2018

A man who was involved in a pub fight didn’t let the knife sticking out of his back get in the way.

He went to order another pint from the bar before going to hospital.

The 27-year-old got into a scrap at Beerwah Hotel on Australia’s Sunshine Coast with another man, 20.

They were kicked out of the bar where the fight continued with the 27-year-old being stabbed.

Despite the knife still being lodged in his back he returned to the bar and ordered another beer.

Once he’d finished he went to Sunshine Coast University Hospital, according to the Sunshine Coast Daily.

A Queensland police spokesman said that there had been a ‘substantial’ amount of alcohol involved and that the two men knew one another.

The victim does not want to press charges.

Monday, April 02, 2018

It's that time of the year

The Ultimate Women’s Expo is back.



Aside from the problematic idea of a "women's" expo that consists primarily of cooking, makeovers and beauty treatments, this thing seems like something Stefon would describe in one of his waking nightmares.



“This expo's got everything: group tastings, monochromatic pop up shops, a middle-aged A.C. Slater. . . .”

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

My pilot is good. You should read it.

It's pilot season and I set up a fancy website to promote my writing. The site is called My Pilot is Good You Should Read It, and you can check out using the link below.

MyPilotIsGoodYouShouldReadIt.com

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Sending it!

Last weekend my friend Shawn invited me to Mammoth Mountain to shred the gnar, and get absolutely no sleep.


That's me on the left, Shawn in the middle, and Jeremy on the right.

I got a great shot of Shawn while taking a beer break at the top of the mountain. Click on it to see it in its full glory.



Perhaps the most exciting thing on the trip was when we got to take on an actual Super-G course. I usually board freestyle, but I have to admit it was a lot of fun hauling ass down the mountain. Check out my top speed!

Thursday, March 08, 2018

Have you seen this blog?!

Check out this retro-style graphic I made to advertise for my blog. I guess if you're reading this, you don't need to see the ad because you're already here. Oh well, too late now!

Monday, March 05, 2018

Cereal offenders

Apparently the bar has been set so low by modern breakfast cereal companies that the trend is to advertise what their products do not contain.



I made a few ad graphics that apply to almost every cereal in the US. Advertisers reading this may use these free of charge.



Sunday, February 11, 2018

I told you so, Diana!

I’ve been proselytizing the gospel of Guinness for as long as I can remember, but people still don’t believe the message. Check out this menu from Claim Jumper’s that shows the calories of the beers on tap. Guinness is a light beer, people!

Tuesday, February 06, 2018

Smack talk

I don't pick fights online, but when someone lashes out at me, I give 'em the business.