Jokes by Ryan Danger Sims – 2018

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January 2018

Wanna feel old? This joke format has been around for half a decade.

In these divisive times, I think we can all agree on one thing: the Patriots do not need to win another Super Bowl.

Toy in the ‘90s: “Requires 2 AA batteries.”
Toy today: “Requires 15 deadly watch batteries that look like shiny candy.”

Once I put my laundry in my washing machine, I immediately forget that it exists.

Did Apple rename iPhoto “Photos” just to mess with people searching for help on Google?

Feminist t-shirt idea: “Hoes before bros!”

Wanna feel old? Wear adult diapers.

QUIZ: How long do you floss after visiting the dentist?
 [  ] 2-3 days
 [  ] A week or more
 [  ] Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that

At the end of the day, I'm a person who watches The Bachelor.

The thing you need to understand is, everyone stops listening when you start a sentence like this.

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