Friday, December 13, 2013


I hope you enjoyed the samples of my comedy writing! Here's a bonus one that I wrote in 2010 but never put on my site.

I'm always interested in new inventions. The other day I heard about this new "green" toilet paper. No, it's not actually green - that would be gross. This new toilet paper comes without a cardboard tube inside of it (which saves paper, so that future generations can wipe their asses).

At first I thought this was a great idea. What an invention! Why didn't I think of that? Then I started to think about it for a while and I realized it wasn't so much of an invention as an unvention. I mean, someone in history came up with the great idea of putting paper on a roll. I don't know what people were doing before this, and I don't want to know. The point is that somebody had the idea. This other person, the one who "invented" tube-free toilet paper, they must have the sweetest job ever. I can just imagine sitting around the office, brainstorming new unventions.

Me: "You know how everybody has windows in their houses these days?"

Boss: "Uh, yeah."

Me: "What if we made new windows that didn't use any glass? These "windowless window frames" would be great for the environment (since they would save lots of glass), and they would never have to be cleaned!"

Boss: "Ryan, you're a goddamn genius!"

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