Thursday, January 16, 2020

Legendary

Irishman Shay Bradley made a recording of himself and requested that it be played at his funeral.

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

I gave it a shot

Monday, January 06, 2020

What happened to Hermey?!

The character Hermey from the holiday classic Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer has apparently gone through some shit.



I saw him in an ad outside my local grocery store and I have to say he ain't looking too good. I don't know if he inhaled too much gas in dental school or if one of those reindeers kicked him in the head, but I think it's safe to say that old Hermey is no longer the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.



Thursday, January 02, 2020

Apparently, breathing is good for you

The 2019 holiday season is over. On a totally unrelated note, I just learned a new way to reduces stress and calm your body's "fight or flight" reaction caused by intense anxiety.

It's a Navy SEAL technique for reducing stress and staying calm called "box breathing." Box breathing has a ton of benefits, including:

+ Positively affecting emotions and mental well-being.
+ Increasing mental clarity, energy, and focus.
+ Zoning out your crazy aunt who loudly complains that all children are lazy and ungrateful while sitting on her ass doing jack shit.

Here's a diagram explaining the process. Start at the top and don't stop until you pass out!*


*That last part is a joke don't sue me.

Wednesday, December 04, 2019

Cuckoo Bananas

There are all sorts of stories out there of actors doing crazy things on set, but in my opinion this story about Wesley Snipes on the set of Blade 3 (from Cracked.comtops them all. Enjoy.



Method acting can be a useful tool when you're playing, say, a man who has lost everything and just wants his family back. It's not so useful when you're playing a vampire/human hybrid who hunts other vampires and decapitates people with swords -- especially if your idea of a vampire hunter is actually "someone who smokes weed all day." If it wasn't obvious already, we're talking about Wesley Snipes in the Blade movies, most of which he apparently spent alternately pretending he was a real vampire and getting baked.

Cracked favorite Patton Oswalt recently addressed rumors that Snipes not only had stayed in character all the time during shooting of Blade 3: Trinity, but had also been stoned as hell. Snipes apparently spent all day smoking weed in his trailer and refusing to come out. As a result, they had to rely on stand-ins to shoot most of his scenes, and then simply used close-ups of Snipes for the reaction shots. And by reaction shots, we mean Snipes' emotionless face grunting or saying "Mmm" to everything, which was due to a combination of not knowing what he was reacting to and having the mental agility of a Phish concertgoer.

So, in the movie, many of Ryan Reynolds' funniest lines to Blade were included simply because Snipes wasn't there when he said them -- Reynolds was able to just improvise the most ridiculous stuff, knowing that the movie would always cut to a shot of a stoic Blade saying, "Mmm."

When Snipes did bother to leave his trailer, he spent his time making friends on the set: One time he sat down with director David Goyer and told him he sucked at his job and should quit. When Goyer replied that maybe Snipes should be the one to quit since they could always shoot the rest of the film with the stand-ins, Snipes snapped and tried to strangle the director.

After the assassination attempt failed, Goyer paid a bunch of bikers he had met at a strip club to pose as his security team and drop by the set one day to scare Snipes. The prank worked, as Snipes never got near Goyer again, instead communicating with him via Post-it notes ... which he signed, "From Blade."

Sunday, November 17, 2019

R is for RedHanded [and Rikers]

My current favorite podcast is RedHanded. If you are into true crime and/or comedy this show is a diamond in the rough. The hosts strike a perfect balance; being respectful of the subject matter while offering clever and hilarious commentary on the side.



On a recent episode the hosts mentioned that Rikers Island Prison has a Yelp page. I went to check it out and it did not disappoint. Here are a few of the more entertaining reviews:



"3 hots and a cot, 24 hour security, view of Manhattan and the water, what more can you ask for. All for the very competitive price of free! All fees paid for by your hardworking taxpayers."

"Not a bad place for a short stay. Close to La Guardia airport. Kind of hard to get a taxi though. Swimming is dangerous. Guards don't want you to leave."

"This was the first time I went to an escape room. Didn't know what to expect but the staff was going all in. This was a VERY challenging game. Looked for clues everywhere to no avail and it took forever to solve the puzzles and get out. The difficulty level was above my level but at least food was included. This place is only for the hard core escape room enthusiasts!"

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

CoD Mobile

I've been having a blast playing Call of Duty Mobile lately. Despite not having played CoD on a console for a few years, I have to say that I'm doing pretty dang good on my phone. Just yesterday I got 31 consecutive kills without dying! Also, it's free to play. If you've been out of the game for a while, I highly encourage you to download the app and check it out!







UPDATE 11/14/19:

I just got 44 out of the required 50 kills for my team while shooting at 95.7% accuracy. I'm killin' the game!

Tuesday, October 01, 2019

Kravitz Glasses

Last week Lenny Kravitz lost his sunglasses. I created the parody account @KravitzGlasses on Twitter and it BLEW. UP. 😎

My original tweet got thousands of likes and my jokes were featured in dozens of news articles, spanning the globe. I also got the pleasure of hearing a joke I wrote being read aloud on the evening news.





Here are links to just a few of the news articles which feature my parody account:

CBS News    |    ABC News    |    NBC News

CNN    |    The Sacramento Bee    |   NME

Invision    |    Tónica    |    Global News