Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Cool label, good beer (#3)

Saturday, January 21, 2012


I thought that we were finally in a place as a society where we didn't discriminate against people based on race. I was wrong. While doing my laundry yesterday I happened to glance at the instructions on the back of my detergent bottle. I was shocked to discover that my detergent, while being "eco-friendly," is not a proponent of racial equality.

What's next? Segregated tanning salons? Separate but equal soul food restaurants?

I know that some would argue that the instructions are referring to the color of the clothes that are being washed, but should we really be separating "whites" and "coloreds" in any situation? I for one, launder all my clothing together in a veritable "melting pot" of soiled linens. Sure, my clothes are a muddled mess, but it's a small price to pay to be a walking beacon of racial tolerance.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Completed art sites

Hey blog fans! I'm working on some fabulous new blog entries, but I'm pretty busy and it may take me a while to post them. In the meantime you should check out the art sites that I recently completed.

Our Valuables
I just finished editing and posting 18 submissions that I received before the site went on hiatus. Go check out the new (backdated) photos!

I recently updated about 100 links and completed the project. I also added an "about this project" link to explain the history and evolution of the site.

The Invisiblog
If you haven't already contributed (or even if you have), go make a comment or two on my invisible blog. Don't worry if you can't see the posts - just get creative and comment on what you think I might have written about. . . .

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Fictitious fat cats

Ladies and gentlemen I give you the The Forbes Fictional 15.  The people over at Forbes have dedicated their time and resources to create a list of the world's "richest fictional characters." At first I thought the article was a joke, but after perusing the site I realized that the magazine's pencil-pushing poindexters take it very seriously.  The "candidates" must meet a strict set of criteria in order to be included, and their worth is painstakingly calculated using complex mathematical equations.

I'm happy to see that McDuck is still ballin' like a boss.

The Forbes Fictional 15
1. Scrooge McDuck (Uncle Scrooge comics) = $44.1 billion
2. Carlisle Cullen (Twilight) = $36.2 billion
3. Artemis Fowl II (Artemis Fowl novels) = $13.5 billion
4. Richie Rich (Richie Rich comics) = $9.7 billion
5. Jed Clampett (The Beverly Hillbillies) = $9.5 billion
6. Tony Stark (Iron Man) = $9.4 billion
7. Smaug (The Hobbit) = $8.6 billion
8. Bruce Wayne (Batman) = $7.0 billion
9. Mr. Monopoly (Monopoly games) = $2.6 billion
10. Arthur Bach (Arthur films) = $1.8 billion
11. Jo Bennett (The Office) = $1.2 billion
12. C. Montgomery Burns (The Simpsons) = $1.1 billion
13. Chuck Bass (Gossip Girl) = $1.1 billion
14. Gordon Gekko (Wall Street) = $1.1 billion
15. Jeffrey Lebowski (The Big Lebowski) = $1.0 billion

Thursday, January 05, 2012

[Insert manhole joke here]

Dear sewer worker dude/dudette,

First off, thank you for your diligent work keeping the alligators from escaping the sewers. I have yet to spot one in my neighborhood.

Secondly, I wanted to ask if it would be possible for you to make sure that the manhole covers are straight the next time you crawl up out of the sewer. I know that this may seem trivial to you, but when the lines don't line up, it drives me a little crazy. Like when iTunes lists one artist in your library twice because of a spelling error, or when you notice that the little ceramic penguin in your study is no longer facing due south.

I'm doing my part. I always cut up the little plastic soda ties before I flush them down my toilet, and I hardly ever turd in the gutter. I'll keep scratching your back if you'll scratch mine (metaphorically of course, I know where your hands have been).

Thank you so much for understanding,

Ryan Danger Sims, B.A., O.C.D.

P.S. Say hi to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for me!

Sunday, January 01, 2012

Happy New Year (we're all gonna die)!

It's officially 2012! Enjoy yourself because on December 21st everyone is going to drop dead. Don't believe me? Consider the knowledge that one of the greatest minds of our time, rapper "Lil' Wayne," dropped during an interview with Blender magazine.

"The world is about to end in 2012 . . . ’cause the Mayans made calendars, and they stop at 2012. I got encyclopedias on the bus. The world is about to end as we know it. You can see it already. A planet doesn't exist - there's no more Pluto. Mosquitos bite you and you die."

According to Forbes, Lil' "earned" $15 million last year. If that's not an omen that the world is coming to an end, I don't know what is.