Sunday, March 14, 2021

The results are in

I just took a DNA test and while it turns out that I am not, in fact, "100% that bitch," I did find that a good number of my distant relatives were seafaring, horned-helmet and/or flannel skirt wearing badasses, which is kinda cool.

By the looks of my results it looks like I'm about 1/3 English, 1/3 German and 1/3 Celtic/Viking.



After looking into my ancestry, I am left with two major takeaways:

1. Scotland's national animal is a unicorn (this is true, look it up).

2. My warrior ancestors would be extremely proud to know that all the toil and suffering they endured has resulted in at least one of their surviving progeny devoting his life to writing comedy.

Sunday, February 28, 2021

Writer inspiration

The Infinite Monkey Theorem is a proposition that an unlimited number of monkeys, given typewriters and sufficient time, will eventually produce the complete works of Shakespeare. This derisive concept is pretty depressing to think about if you are a writer. Fortunately it turns out that it's total bullshit.

In 2003, lecturers and students with the University of Plymouth’s Institute of Digital Arts and Technology (i-DAT) got a grant to place a single computer and keyboard in the macaques enclosure at the Paignton Zoo.

After a month with the computer, the macaques had produced five pages of nonsense text, but otherwise seemed to limit their screen time to urinating and/or defecating on the computer until such time as it stopped working.

In conclusion:

🐒 + ⌨️ = 💩

Monday, January 18, 2021

I made another friend on Skype!

I keep getting messages over Skype from people trying to scam me in some way or another. I like to flip the script on them and see what happens. Here's my latest interaction. It's long, but I promise it's worth a read.