I just took a DNA test and while it turns out that I am not, in fact, "100% that bitch," I did find that a good number of my distant relatives were seafaring, horned-helmet and/or flannel skirt wearing badasses, which is kinda cool.
By the looks of my results it looks like I'm about 1/3 English, 1/3 German and 1/3 Celtic/Viking.
After looking into my ancestry, I am left with two major takeaways:
1. Scotland's national animal is a unicorn (this is true, look it up).
2. My warrior ancestors would be extremely proud to know that all the toil and suffering they endured has resulted in at least one of their surviving progeny devoting his life to writing comedy.
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