Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year!

I've added a "randomizer" to my blog for the new year (see top left column). Clicking the link will bring up a random post from the More Rants than Raves archives. If you click it and it brings up this post, you win $1,000,000!*

*Not really.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

You like-a the pepper?

Behold the Naga Viper, the hottest pepper in the world. It was recently created by a British dude who crossbred three of the hottest peppers known to man. The Naga Viper measures 1,359,000 on the Scoville scale. To give you an idea of how hot that is, jalapeños rate around 5,000 on the scale and habaneros max out at 350,000.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Why didn't I think of that?

Check out these cool new inventions.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

When I'm 64

You're already singing the song in your head, aren't you? Well snap out of it because this is important. I'm 32 which means I'm halfway to 64. I have decided to make a list of 64 things I'm going to do by the time I turn 64. Here they are in no particular order (I crossed off the ones I've already done).

1. Go on an African safari
2. Scuba/snorkel in the Great Barrier Reef
3. Take gourmet cooking classes
4. Go to Octoberfest in Munich
5. Go skydiving
6. Get a straight razor shave and a shoe shine
7. Stand on a glacier
8. Fire an automatic machine gun
9. Gamble in Vegas
10. Go to a pro wrestling match or NASCAR race
11. Learn to play a musical instrument
12. Ride a horse
13. Spend a romantic night in Paris
14. Go cliff jumping/cliff diving
15. Be an extra on a film or TV show
16. Drive a Lamborghini
17. Take a cruise
18. See the pyramids of Egypt
19. Marry a hot girl
20. Plant a tree
21. Sing karaoke in a crowded bar
22. Participate in an organized run (5k, 10k, etc.)
23. Trek through the Amazon jungle
24. Brew my own beer
25. Go parasailing
26. See Mount Rushmore
27. Call into a radio talk show
28. Learn a proper ballroom dance
29. Have kids
30. Ride in a hot air balloon
31. Gamble in Atlantic City
32. Fly in a helicopter
33. Quit a crappy job
34. Party in New Orleans
35. Drive a motorcycle
36. Dine on champagne and caviar
37. Perform a stand-up comedy act
38. Learn to surf
39. Take a martial arts class
40. Swim with sharks
41. Buy a house
42. Spot bears in Yellowstone National Park
43. Take my wife to Bora Bora
44. Go paintballing
45. Go whitewater rafting
46. Drink a Guinness at a pub in Ireland
47. Ride a mechanical bull
48. Volunteer for a good cause
49. Look down from the top of the Empire State building
50. Watch a movie at a drive-in
51. Attend the Olympics or the Super Bowl
52. Learn to drive a stick shift
53. Get into a fistfight
54. Take a trip with all three of my brothers
55. Learn a second language
56. Complete a "food challenge" at restaurant
57. Go to the circus
58. Party in an all inclusive resort
59. Travel the U.S. in an RV
60. Smoke a Cuban cigar
61. Map my family tree
62. Stay up all night and watch the sunrise
63. Go deep sea fishing
64. Explore the ruins at Machu Picchu

I am committed to completing this list in the next 32 years, and I can't wait to do it! I encourage everyone to make their own list. It's a lot of fun and makes you excited about the future. When you're done be sure to submit your list as a comment and share the awesome things that lie in store for you!

Sunday, October 31, 2010


Unlucky 13
Some experts think that this belief might have started with the Last Supper in the Bible, where there were 13 people at the table. Judas, the apostle w­ho betrayed Jesus, was the 13th member of the party to arrive. Also, Jesus was crucified on a Friday (which may have helped contribute to Friday the 13th being such a feared day).

Knock on wood
Ancient people couldn’t understand why some trees stayed green all year and others lost their leaves. They thought some trees must have supernatural powers. For that reason, they would knock on trees to get their attention.

Don’t spill salt
At one time, salt was very valuable. To spill any was believed to bring bad luck. People also thought that evil spirits lived in the left side of the body. If a person spilled salt, he or she would try to please the evil spirits by throwing salt in their direction.

Cross your fingers
This custom began as a sort of shortcut for people making the sign of the Christian cross. People believed the cross protected them from evil or bad luck.

Broken mirrors
In ancient times, people believed that their reflection in the water or in glass was really their “other self.” They thought that if you disturbed this image, you would bring bad luck. Ancient Romans believed that life is renewed every seven years. This is where we got the idea of seven years bad luck if we break a mirror, disturbing our reflection.

Walking under a ladder
This belief might be traced to the fact that a ladder leaned against a wall forms a triangle. To many Christian people, the triangle stands for the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. If you walked under a ladder, you would break the triangle and bring bad luck.

Source: The Orange County Register's "Mini Page"

Monday, October 25, 2010

Impressive impressions

Check out these impressions of Denzel Washington and Will Smith by new SNL cast member Jay Pharoah. Awesome!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Settling the score

While I'm not what you would call a "sports fan," I do love to watch football. I have been a fan of the San Diego Chargers for nine years now and I have to say it has been a roller coaster of emotion.

So far this season has been a major disappointment. In fact, I was so frustrated by their performance that I went out and bought Madden NFL 11 in order to take matters into my own hands. I am happy to report that although the Chargers you see on TV are 2-4, my Chargers team is sitting pretty at 5-1. It's sad when you have a better time watching video game football than you do watching the real thing.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Fried possum!

Yesterday I ate lunch at a diner off Highway 101. While perusing the menu I noticed that they offered a meal called the "Road Kill Scramble." I tried to order it (because I'm such a manly man) but the waitress informed me that the entree was fake. Although my dream of eating a possum/squirrel was crushed (at least for now), I have to give the restaurant credit for their commitment to the joke. It's on the permanent menu and they even assigned it a price.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Top 5 albums (+ worst ever)

1. 40oz. to Freedom (Sublime)
2. From a Basement on the Hill (Elliott Smith)
3. Workingman's Dead (Grateful Dead)
4. Hot Fuss (The Killers)
5. Mutations (Beck)

Worst: Time, Love and Tenderness (Michael Bolton)

Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!

Friday, October 08, 2010

Public servant arrested in Washington state

Disoriented 'superhero' arrested in motorhome
Associated Press - October 5, 2010

Police who responded to a report of a prowler at a motorhome in Washington state found a "superhero" inside.

Commander Jim Rich told KITI-AM the man in a Green Power Ranger costume appeared lost and disoriented and apparently had been drinking.

Rich says the 28-year-old Centralia man apparently was dropped off by some friends at the wrong house after a weekend party. He was arrested for investigation of trespassing.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Funny blurbs

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Unless you throw a dictionary at me." - Stephen Colbert

"I went into a shoe store and I said, 'Uh, hey can I get those in a 10?' The guy said, 'sure' and he went in the back. Then a couple minutes later he came out and he goes, 'I don't have a 10, I have a 9.' Great, 'cause while you were in the back, my toes were severed off. Normally it would be stupid for you to say a number different than what we agreed on, but given my recent accident you're right on." - Demetri Martin

"At the Olive Garden, they like to say, 'When you're here, you're family.' It's true. I showed up with a date, and the hostess said, 'We think you could do better.'" - Aparna Nancherla

Friday, September 17, 2010

You can see my Halo? Well, this is awkward. . . .

According to a recent study from the University of Rochester, violent first-person shooter video games can help players make decisions faster in real life. The researchers chose to study these games because, "Unlike standard learning paradigms, which have a highly specific solution, there is no such specific solution in action video games because situations are rarely, if ever, repeated." Pretty interesting stuff.

I know the results of the study are true because I make all my decisions at lightning speed. To give you an example I've typed out my thought process over the last couple of days.

Q: Should I do lesson planning for my class or play Halo?
A: Play Halo.

Q: Should I get a good night's sleep or play Halo?
A: Play Halo.

Q: Should I go outside and enjoy the day or play Halo?
A: Play Halo.

See how video games improve your life?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Top 5 best things about my new car (+ worst ever)

1. Automatic transmission
2. Unlike my old car, the air conditioning, driver side door lock, 2nd gear, reverse gear, glove compartment hatch, left break light, heating vents, windshield wipers, driver side mirror, seat belts, window seals, passenger side door hinge, interior handles, parking break, and engine, all function properly
3. That new car smell
4. Comfortable seats
5. Stereo with CD and iPod input

Worst: Driving like a grandma because I don't want to wreck it

Friday, September 10, 2010

Thursday, September 09, 2010 impressed

I'm the first to admit that the hip hop group, Black Eyed Peas are kind of annoying. Their songs are repetitive and I would be happy if I never had to hear old "Fergalicious" croak out another tune for the rest of my life. Imagine my surprise, then, when I found out that (one of the group's members) is a completely awesome human being.

I was flipping channels the other day and saw him on Oprah giving out houses. I don't mean that I saw him asking for money to help his charity.  I don't mean that I saw him saying that his record label was putting up some money to help people in need.  I mean that gave $350,000 of his own money to pay off the mortgages of two families that were going to lose their houses because of the current economic crisis.

He was super shy and he didn't make a big deal out of it (the segment on the show was very short).  He just came out and said, "I don’t dream to be like mega, crazy rich. I just wanna be able to create, make music, and help people when they need it."  He said that instead of asking people to donate money, he figured he would just put up his own.  What a cool guy. (right) hangin' with Wolverine

Friday, September 03, 2010

Shadiest barista ever

If you've been keeping up with this blog, you know that I have a love-hate relationship with Starbucks.  I was reminded of this today when I went to the Starbucks by my house and ordered a medium-sized cup of Pike Place Roast (yes, I know that at Starbucks a medium is called "grande" but I'm simplifying for the purposes of this post and, honestly, typing words like "vinte" make me feel like an idiotic snob).

Anyway, after taking my payment the barista turned and proceeded to fill my cup with Anniversary Blend. I repeated that I wanted Pike Place Roast and he confirmed that he was giving me just that. I then pointed out that I saw him pour me a cup out of Anniversary Blend. He then conceded and said that the Pike Place was empty and that I would have to wait a few minutes for them to brew a new batch.  At this point I realized that this shady-ass barista was trying to trick me into taking the wrong type of coffee because it was easier for him to do this rather than brew more. 

I would like to stop here and point out that even though I may sound like a diva/asshole I was actually being really courteous to the guy (saying things like, "Oh, it's my fault.  I guess the labels on the coffee machines must be mixed up.").  I wasn't trying to be rude to him, I just wanted to get the coffee I asked for.

Anyway, back to the story.  I told him that it was no problem for me to wait and then asked if I would be getting my coffee for free (again, not because I'm an asshole, but because their company policy is to give you a free drink whenever you have to wait for it to brew).  He thought about it for a second and then agreed.  He said something like, "Sure, I got you man.  Don't worry about it, it's on us."  He then started to wait on the next customer.  The problem with this is that I had already paid for the coffee.

So basically, the barista tried to trick me twice.  First, he tried to give me the wrong coffee (and lied to me about it).  Second, he tried to give me a "free" drink that I already paid for.  Eventually I got a free coffee out of the deal and a (hopefully) amusing story, but I have to say that I have never seen such a shady-ass barista in my life.

P.S. I know this photo is kind of out of place but I thought it was nice.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

I've seen the future, and it's badical

I recently watched Back to the Future II and I couldn't help but get excited about the changes that are slated to occur over the next few years. For those of you who haven't seen it in a while, a large part of the movie takes place in the year 2015 which apparently is going to be chock full of flying cars, hydrating pizza ovens, and ravenous holographic sharks.

Wait, now that I think about it these things will never be a reality. I say this because according to another movie I watched, we are all going to die in the year 2012 (well, everyone except John Cusack). Man I hope that's not true. Not because I hate John Cusack (although I do kind of hate John Cusack), but because I can't stand the thought of leaving this earth without getting my hands on a hoverboard. I've been looking forward to it for years!

Luckily, there is one futuristic luxury that you can enjoy now (if you can find one). It's called the "Coca-Cola Freestyle Beverage Machine," and while it doesn't feature an interactive video projection of Michael Jackson, it does offer 106 different beverage choices available at the push of a button. They have one of these at a Subway I go to and it is truly badical in every sense of the word. If you find one I dare you to order a "Caffeine-free Diet Raspberry Coke." I don't even want to think about what that tastes like.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Sunday, July 25, 2010

World's most industrious hobo

I usually don't post two news articles in a row but I had to make an exception for this.

Homeless man breaks into abandoned bar, begins selling alcohol
CNN (article excerpt) - July 23, 2010

A homeless man allegedly broke into a California bar and served drinks to unsuspecting patrons all weekend -- before police came calling.

The bar, called the Valencia Club, had gone out of business for some time and its liquor license had expired, police said this week.

But the suspect, Travis Lloyd Kevie, 29, somehow got into the California establishment in the Penryn area of Sacramento Valley last week. He reopened the bar using beer he bought from a nearby store.

Kevie allegedly started with a six-pack of beer and used money he received to buy more alcohol.

He kept the bar open for a weekend serving about 30 customers a day, authorities said.

He was so successful that a local newspaper did a story about the bar reopening.

"When Detective Hudson arrived at the Valencia Club it was open for business with customers bellied up to the bar. Upon questioning Kevie Detective Hudson determined that he had no connection to the property and he did not have a liquor license," the department said.

The newspaper, the Auburn Journal, that ran the story about the new "bar owner", reported that Kevie was arraigned on a single misdemeanor charge Thursday and ordered released from jail.

Friday, July 16, 2010

I can't get enough of these Australians

What do you do when you get kicked out of a pub for being too drunk? Why, break into the zoo and ride a crocodile, of course!

Australian bitten while trying to sit on crocodile
Associated Press - July 13, 2010

A man ejected from a pub in Australia broke into a zoo and climbed onto the back of a crocodile named Fatso, which bit him on the leg but then let him go. Police said they're surprised the croc didn't inflict worse damage. The 36-year-old man, who police said had just been thrown out of a pub for being drunk, told officials he scaled the barbed wire fence surrounding the Broome Crocodile Park in remote northwest Australia on Monday night because he wanted to give the 16-foot Fatso a pat.

"He has attempted to sit on its back and the croc has taken offense to that and has spun around and bit him on the right leg," Broome Police Sgt. Roger Haynes said.

The saltwater crocodile then inexplicably let the man go, and he climbed back over the fence to safety, police said.

The man, who was a tourist from eastern Australia and whose name was not released, suffered some "very nasty lacerations" and was taken to a hospital, Haynes said.

"Saltwater crocodiles ... once they get hold of you, are not renowned for letting you go," Haynes said. "He's lucky to have escaped with his life."

Saltwater crocodiles are the world's largest reptile and can grow up to 23 feet (7 meters). They have become increasingly common in Australia's tropical north since hunting that almost extinguished the species was banned in 1971.

Friday, July 09, 2010


The titles of the book, CD, and movie seen below all read exactly the same when flipped upside down.


Sunday, July 04, 2010

Top 5 retail fireworks (+ worst ever)

1. M-80s
2. Roman Candles
3. Smoke Bombs
4. Firecrackers
5. Snakes (black pellets)

Worst: Party Poppers

Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

More like Crazytown

I'm currently playing a game called Mysteryville on my Nintendo DSi. It has the craziest story line I have ever seen in a video game (and that's saying a lot). Check out these screenshots.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Unnecessary quotation marks

Click the image below to visit The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Joke Q&A

Q: What's a specimen?
A: An Italian astronaut.

Q: What sexual position guarantees the ugliest baby?
A: Go ask your mother.

Q: What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?
A: "It may take me a while to get hard — I just got laid last night.”

Q: What is the hardest thing about rollerblading?
A: Telling your parents you’re gay.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Awesome 365

Artist Stefan Le Du took a photograph of his Stormtrooper toys every day for one year and posted them all on Flickr. When asked why he was doing the project he replied, "Because Star Wars is awesome, Stormtroopers are awesome, toys are awesome, and Flickr is awesome."

I posted some of my favorites images below. To check out the entire collection visit Stormtroopers 365.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Update: Australians are still badass

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Australians are badass!

Aussie man punches shark, surfs to safety
AFP - June 7, 2010

An Australian surfer fought off a large shark and then rode a wave to safety, reports said on Monday.

Michael Bedford was knocked off his board by the shark, believed to be a great white of "Jaws" fame, which then came back for a second charge, witnesses were quoted as saying.

But he punched the animal and then caught a passing wave to the shore, where friends used the board's rope as a tourniquet for bite wounds on his leg.

"He gave it a good whack he reckons, a good punch and that doesn't surprise me knowing Mick," said witness Lee Cummuskey, according to public broadcaster ABC.

"It is your worst nightmare and Mick's been through it and survived so he's just really lucky."

Bedford had surgery after Sunday's attack near Albany, south of Perth, and his condition was described as stable. Australia suffers several shark attacks each year, with 194 people killed over the past two centuries, records show.

Monday, June 07, 2010

Top 5 current TV sitcoms (+ worst ever)

1. Modern Family
2. Community
3. How I Met Your Mother
4. 30 Rock
5. Seinfeld (reruns)

Worst: Two and a Half Men

Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Jelly bean roulette

My birthday was last week and one of the presents my mom sent me was a box of "BeanBoozled" jelly beans. For those of you fortunate enough not to have been tricked by this candy, I will explain. The box contains 20 different flavors of beans (10 tasty and 10 disgusting). The problem is that there is no way to tell the difference between the good ones and the ones that taste like barf (really, there's an actual "barf" flavor).

I've been having fun playing jelly bean roulette this morning but I must admit that I'm feeling a little ill. Check out the assortment:

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Shameless self-promotion

I have created another website. I know what you're thinking, "but Ryan, you just created an awesome comedy website!" Well you're right (about the website and the fact that it's awesome). I don't know what to say, I guess I'm just a busy bee.

My new site is called Our Valuables and is located at Please visit it and submit a photo. Your photograph will be posted on the site and you will become an international web superstar overnight. (Okay I may have exaggerated the last part - but it could happen!)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Edited for television

I was watching Die Hard: With a Vengeance the other day on TV and it came to the part where the protagonist John McClane (played by Bruce Willis) is forced to stand on a Harlem street corner with a sign that reads, “I hate the pluralized form of the n-word.” Okay, the sign doesn’t actually say that. It actually reads, “I hate all human beings with skin colors that range from light caramel to dark chocolate.” Actually, that’s not right either. What it literally says is, “I hate . . .” oh, I give up. I’m not going to write what it actually says because it’s offensive and I don’t want my blog coming up in Google when people search for that phrase.

Okay now for the confusing part. The sign on the TV version of the movie actually says something completely different than the one in the theatrical release. The sign he's holding on TV says, “I hate everybody.” This change was presumably made so as to be less offensive to the wider television audience. The problem is that I actually think it makes the scene more offensive.

Let me explain. For those of you who haven’t seen the movie, the scene I’m talking about starts out with McClane on the corner wearing the sign. Soon afterward he is noticed by a group of African-American men who threaten him and ultimately assault him by breaking a bottle over his head. When watching the theatrical release it makes sense that this group of people would attack him. In the TV version, however, the group of guys comes off looking like a bunch of crazy assholes. What exactly prompts their aggressive treatment of McClane in this scenario? I can only imagine what's going on in their heads: “Look at this misanthropin’ mothereffer! He has a sign that says he hates everybody! You guys hear that? He hates everybody. That includes you, me, my dry cleaner, EVERYBODY! Let’s kill him.”

Interesting side note: According to The Internet Movie Database, the actual sign that Bruce Willis wore while filming in Harlem said "I hate everybody." The sign was changed with CGI in post-production for the theatrical release.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Slightly offensive jokes

A husband and wife are watching a TV show about psychology that explains the phenomenon of "mixed emotions."

The husband turns to his wife and says, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

She says, "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."

Two old men were sitting on a front porch just watching life pass by. Suddenly, a Great Dane walks across their front lawn. The dog stops, lays down, and begins licking itself.

The first old man says, “Boy, I sure wish I could do that.”

The other old man says, “I don’t know. If I were you, I’d try petting him first.”

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Tasteful art (get it?)

Artist Kevin Van Aelst uses various food items to create recognizable patterns. Here are my favorites.

"Chromosomes" (made with gummy worms)

"Common Clouds"

"Apple Globe"

"Hawaii" (made with Hawaiian Punch)

"Right Middle Finger"

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Cheeky buggers

Please note: for the purposes of this post I will be translating "English" (as used in England) into correct American English. Translated terms will be shown in parenthesis.

Apparently the jolly ol' chaps (good old boys) in England (America's rough draft) like to bash each other over the noggin (head) with their pints (glasses) of ale (beer). They like it so much that pubs (bars) are stocking new "safer" pint glasses so as to minimize the facial disfigurement that comes from engaging in such activity. The new glasses are duel-layered like a motor car's (car's) windscreen (windshield). Here's a shot of the new glass, presumably after being smashed over someone's face:

Hope you enjoyed the post.  Cheerio (not cereal)!

Monday, May 10, 2010

I've fallen off the wagon

I'm off the Gaga. After hearing Lady Gaga's latest audio-trash entitled "Telephone" on the radio I've changed my mind about her yet again. Although I am the first to admit that her song "Paparazzi" is awesome, "Telephone" makes me want to puke my guts out.  That's right, I said puke my guts out.

On a different note, I found the origin of the phrase "on the wagon/falling off the wagon" at

"During the late 19th century, water carts drawn by horses wet down dusty roads in the summer. At the height of the Prohibition crusade in the 1890s men who vowed to stop drinking would say that they were thirsty indeed but would rather climb aboard the water cart to get a drink than break their pledges. The more alliterative 'wagon' soon replaced cart in the expression and it was eventually shortened to 'on the wagon.'"

Sunday, May 02, 2010

Top 5 comedy websites

1. Bits of Comedy
2. Bits of Comedy
3. Bits of Comedy
4. Bits of Comedy
5. Bits of Comedy

Did I mention that I have a new website? It's called Bits of Comedy and you can check it out via my main website I will be updating it periodically with new thoughts and observations so be sure to check back every once in a while. Thanks for your support!

Monday, April 26, 2010

A racist cookbook

Pasta book pulped over misprint
BBC News - April 17, 2010

An Australian publisher has had to pulp and reprint a cookbook after one recipe listed "salt and freshly ground black people" instead of black pepper.

Penguin Group Australia had to reprint 7,000 copies of Pasta Bible last week, the Sydney Morning Herald has reported.

The reprint cost $18,000, but stock in bookshops will not be recalled as it is "extremely hard" to do so, Penguin said.

The recipe was for tagliatelle with sardines and prosciutto.

"We're mortified that this has become an issue of any kind, and why anyone would be offended, we don't know," head of publishing Bob Sessions is quoted as saying by the Sydney newspaper.

Penguin said almost every one of the more than 150 recipes in the book listed salt and freshly ground black pepper, but a misprint occurred on just one page.

"When it comes to the proof-reader, of course they should have picked it up, but proof-reading a cookbook is an extremely difficult task. I find that quite forgivable," Mr Sessions said.

If anyone complains about the "silly mistake", they will be given the new version, Penguin said.

This article is incredible, not only for the crazy story but also because of this Bob Sessions guy. On the one hand, I want to get a job working for Bob Sessions. He seems to back his employees up no matter what. Oh, what's that? You didn't do your job and it cost us thousands of dollars and public humiliation? No problem, your job is tough! On the other hand, I would be extremely nervous working for Bob Sessions, as he seems to be completely baffled as to why anyone would be offended by a recipe calling for "freshly ground black people."

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Gayest . . . cake . . . ever

Check out this awesome cake I saw on Martha Stewart today. No, I usually don't watch Martha Stewart but I was flipping around and had to stop and check this out so cut me some slack, okay?

If you're interested in making one yourself you can find the recipe here.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I've been doing it all wrong!

The above plaque is posted in every men's restroom in Disneyland. Thanks "Sparkle," I don't know what I would have done without you!

Went to Disneyland recently and had a fantastic time. While I was there I asked a couple of questions that I've always been curious about.  Here are the answers I got from some random park workers I surveyed:

• The costumes that the employees wear remain the property of Disneyland and are never sold to the workers. Employees can take them home to launder them (Disneyland will also dry-clean them free of charge) but the costumes must ultimately be returned to the park.

• The jokes that the tour guides tell on the Jungle Cruise attraction are scripted and the guides are never allowed to ever go off the cuff. The employees are given a script with about 20 jokes per area of the cruise and they can choose which ones to tell (which explains why you hear different jokes depending on which boat you get on).

Monday, April 12, 2010

Jung Yeezy*

Artist Yeondoo Jung has an awesome name. He also transforms children's drawings into photographs. Here are some of my favorites from his exhibition entitled "Wonderland."

*The title is a play on the name of "Young Jeezy" the rapper (also known as "Lil J"). At least these used to be his names before he grew up and changed his name to just "Jeezy." Jeezy is just his stage name of course, his real name is Jay Jenkins (which has no bearing whatsoever on this explanation but I thought I would throw in that extra bit of trivia). You see what I did with the title of this post was change his first name from Yeondoo to "Yeezy." I then moved his last name to the front since "Jung" is pronounced like the English word "young."

I realize that many people reading this post haven't even heard heard of Young Jeezy in the first place so my fabulous word play won't even register. I also will admit that I really don't know anything about Jeezy or his music (I had to look him up on Wikipedia just to get the spelling of his name right).

So wasn't that great? Jokes are always the best when you follow them up with a nice long explanation. I am just trying to be "hip" to fit in with the kids here people!

Friday, April 09, 2010

U.S. Americans need more maps!

This page used to feature a video of a Miss Teen USA pageant contestant giving a disastrous answer to a question posed by the host. I recently learned that the girl contemplated suicide after the clip went viral, which is not at all funny.

If you’re thinking about suicide, or are worried about a friend or loved one click here or call 1-800-273-8255.

Sunday, March 28, 2010


Mad dash as truck spills 100,000 dollars onto US street
AFP - March 25, 2010

People fell onto a bag of cash like a pack of hungry piranhas after more than 100,000 dollars tumbled out the back of an armored truck onto an Ohio street, local media reported.

The bag split open after it fell off the back of the vehicle Wednesday and the driver drove away without noticing.

But a whole bunch of people spotted the cash blowing down the street in Whitehall, a Columbus suburb, and a mad dash for cash ensued.

"People were jumping out of their vehicles," one witness told NBC4 news.

"Like when you throw some fish in and you've got a school of piranhas and they haven't eaten for a long time. It was funny."

Another witness described a surreal atmosphere with people laughing, smiling and taking as much as they could carry.

Workers at a nearby flower shop helped police gather up the money in boxes. Several people ended up bringing some of the cash into the police station.

But only about 10,500 dollars had been recovered by the end of the day, the Columbus Dispatch reported.

"We're hoping that more people do the right thing," Whitehall Police Sergeant Randy Snider told the paper.

Police are examining surveillance camera video and photographs from cell phone cameras to try to track down the people who grabbed the money.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

My video game collection (2010)

It's time once again for me to show off my (updated) video game collection. Anyone looking for a recommendation should know that I only keep games that I love (which means I think all of these games are awesome).

Click on the image to view a larger version

I also have the following games downloaded on my Xbox, Wii, and DSi:

Trials HD (+ Big Pack), Shadow Complex, Turtles in Time RS, Marvel vs. Capcom 2, Peggle (+ Peggle Nights), Portal: Still Alive, Ms. Pac-Man, Frogger, Super Mario Bros., Super Mario World, Contra III: The Alien Wars, Street Fighter II: The World Warrior, Street Fighter II Turbo: Hyper Fighting, SimCity, Vegas Stakes, Zombies Ate My Neighbors, Super Mario Kart, Mario Kart 64, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Art Style: Pictobits, Bejeweled Twist, Downtown Texas Hold'em, Sudoku (EA version), Touch Solitaire, Puzzle League Express, Dr. Mario Express, Pinball Pulse: The Ancients Beckon, Bookworm, Asphalt 4: Elite Racing, and The Oregon Trail

Thursday, February 25, 2010

And I thought the In-N-Out trailers were cool

Subway now has a sandwich shop atop a crane that will rise alongside the Freedom Tower during construction (the Freedom Tower is the building being put up to replace the World Trade Center in NYC). The Subway will be fully operational and serving construction workers throughout the building process and its final stop will be at the 105th floor. It is equipped with a bathroom and everything. What a crazy place to work!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Kristen Wiig thinks I'm a caveman

So I met Kristen Wiig on Wednesday night. Everything started off pretty good - I talked with her about her awesome shark t-shirt and she seemed like a nice person. My wife and I wanted a photo with Kristen so I busted out my 35mm disposable camera (which I had from a snowboarding trip last week) and commented on how "old school" I am for using outdated technology. After posing for the picture (seen below) our friend Julie asked me to take a photo of her with Kristen. The problem is that I didn't know how her damn phone/camera hybrid worked and I came off looking like a freaking Neanderthal.

While trying to take a photo I held the camera backwards and, ignoring the cries from Kristen to turn it around, I promptly took a picture of my own face. Dazed by the flash that had just seared my eye sockets from less than an inch away, I turned the phone over and tried again. Of course, at this point the flash needed to recharge so I had one of those awkward moments where I held the camera, promising the two that the photo would be snapped any second while they waited for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually Kristen asked "did you take it yet?" to which I stammered, "uh, I don't know, I think so." I guess I shouldn't feel that bad. It's not like I majored in art/photography in college. . . .

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

A case of the Mondays

The following is a quote taken from an actual Associated Press news article published last Monday.

"Authorities said a man accused of stealing a car then reporting it stolen remains in custody after telling police he was robbed at gunpoint while trying to buy crack cocaine with a credit card."

Monday, February 08, 2010

I know he can get the job but can he do the job?*

Reader's Digest recently published a list of blunders that people made during actual job interviews. They are fantastic.

Balding applicant abruptly excused himself and returned a few minutes later wearing a hairpiece.

Applicant asked to see the reviewer's résumé to see if the personnel executive was qualified to interview him.

Applicant phoned his therapist during the interview for advice on answering specific questions.

During the interview, an alarm clock went off in the applicant's briefcase. He apologized and said he had to leave for another interview.

Applicant challenged the interviewer to arm-wrestle.

*Bonus points if you can guess the movie quoted in the title of this post!

Friday, February 05, 2010

Number 4 out of 19,355!

Men's Health magazine recently published a list of the top 10 drunkest cities in the United States. Guess who made #4, bitches?! 

The Top 10 Drunkest Cities 
1. Fresno, California 
2. Reno, Nevada 
3. Billings, Montana 
4. Riverside, California 
5. Austin, Texas 
6. St. Louis, Missouri 
7. San Antonio, Texas 
8. Lubbock, Texas 
9. Tucson, Arizona 
10. Bakersfield, California 

The Top 10 Least Drunk Cities 
1. Boston, Massachusetts 
2. Yonkers, New York 
3. Rochester, New York 
4. Salt Lake City, Utah 
5. Miami, Florida 
6. Newark, New Jersey 
7. Durham, North Carolina 
8. New York City, New York 
9. Fort Wayne, Indiana 
10. Manchester, New Hampshire 

Come on Riverside, if we all work together we can make it to #1!

Monday, February 01, 2010

Oh hell yeah!

Some of you may have noticed that I added a new link entitled "The Big Picture" to my blog. The site is a kind of illustrated news service where you can learn about world events through photographs.

I was browsing the site last week and found a piece on "Fiery European Festivals." These festivals are the most awesome and manly spectacles I have ever set my eyes on. One event involves dudes riding through fire on the backs of horses and the other (entitled "Up Helly Ah") culminates with "up to 1,000 'guizers' (men in costume) throwing flaming torches into a Viking longship." Oh hell yeah!

Click on either image to see the article.

Looks like the Sims brothers need to book a trip to Europe.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

High drama

Click the following link to hear a dramatic reading of a real breakup letter. Make sure to turn up the volume on your computer!

Friday, January 29, 2010

The Invisible Man

My brother Aaron recently showed me the work of Chinese artist Liu Bolin. He paints his body to blend into the scenery behind him. These pictures are real (no Photoshop)!