Wednesday, September 21, 2022

We're Baaaaackk (Room Email #2)

I got a lot of positive responses to my last room parent email, so I thought I'd post them here from now on. Hope you enjoy, and if you don't please don't' let me know!
Q: What do you call a fly with no wings?
A: A walk.


I promise to keep this one short and sweet(ish). I even put the topics in a numbered list to be real organized-like!

1. Thank you for those of you who donated to our room fund. Unfortunately, we have only received a few donations thus far. In an effort to fix this, we have decided to release one name per week of those who have not yet contributed. We are calling this the "Name of Shame Challenge" and I think it's going to be real popular! JUST KIDDING. Please donate what you can as it all goes to a good cause! You can Venmo, or pretend you're a housewife in the 1970's and bring a handwritten check to the classroom.

2. We need two volunteers to help out with Science Lab. Please let us know if you are able to help. You will need to provide a negative TB test to be a helper on campus, so please sort that mess out beforehand. I know Val Kilmer made tuberculosis look super cool in Tombstone, but in real life it is a big no no. You can get tested at your local CVS and it's covered by most insurance providers. I can also stab you in the arm with a thumbtack for $10 while saying "I'm your huckleberry," but I'm not sure the front office will accept my paperwork.

3. We are still looking for volunteers for our awesome PLINKO booth! Sign up! Just do it! All your friends are doing it. The first sign up is free! Don't think about it just sign it!



P.S. Why did the cow cross the road? Tune in next time for the answer!

Wednesday, September 14, 2022

Hello from the three room moms and one room dude! (Room Email #1)

I have taken on the job of co-room parent for my daughter's class this year. My first assignment was to compose an email asking parents to contribute to our room. Here are two things you need to know in order to get the best out of the reading.

1. My daughter has two teachers who have combined their last names into one (i.e. Smith + Johnson = Smithson).

2. I redacted personal information for privacy reasons, and also because it made me feel like a spy.

Hello wonderful families!

With the help of my daughter, I am going to start every email with a joke: “What do you call a fly with no wings?” (Tune in next time for the answer!)

My name is Ryan Sims and I am one of your four room moms people this year. The other room moms include Sarah, Angela, and Chelsea. While they are all decidedly more beautiful ladies than I am, I happen to write the words real good and therefore have been chosen to author our email messages this year. Inspired by the combination of names used by our fabulous teachers, I have decided that the four of us shall henceforth be (collectively) known as McGregillyims [Mc-Greg-illy-ims]. Be sure to say hi when you see any of us on campus! 

I think we can all agree that our classroom is an awesome place for our little ones to learn and thrive. It’s like we are all part of one big family, supporting our kiddos through their elementary school experience. And like any family, there is that one dirtbag cousin who’s always asking for money. I am that dirtbag cousin.

Which brings us to our first order of business. As the 90s’ rap supergroup The Wu-Tang Clan would (sort-of) say: C.R.E.A.M. or Cash Rules Everything Around Mrs. [teacher names redacted]. We all love and appreciate the hard work that both of our teachers and both of their aides do and what better way to show them love than to put up some cold hard cash? In all seriousness though, we are collecting money from every parent in order to provide our teachers and aides with birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, and end of year gifts. Please do not give your cash directly to me as I will undoubtedly gamble it away at the local dog track. You can either Venmo, or drop a check off to our teachers.

Our second order of business is our carnival booth! If you’ve been at our school for a while, you know that signing up for one of the shifts to run a carnival booth is like the last round of shots you shouldn't have taken at the bar. At first you take the shot (sign up) thinking “I feel great and this is a great idea!” Then the morning (carnival) rolls around and you’re filled with regret thinking “why would I ever think that was a good idea?! Is it too late to call in sick?”

Well not this year, people! We have (drumroll please) the PLINKO booth!!! This booth is by far the most popular booth at the ‘val (I’m test running a short version of the word carnival here. Try it out, it’s fetch.). It is also the easiest booth to run. Are you able to hold out your hand and give someone a game chip in exchange for a ticket? Then you can do this job! The more people that sign up, the easier it will be on all of us. And honestly this is the bare minimum in terms of helping, people! It’s the “taking the email writing job” of your room mom group.

Sign up today, I promise you won’t regret it!

I know this thing is long (and no, I will not be taking the bait here and making a base “that’s what she said” joke because this is a parent email thread and it would be totally inappropriate), but there is a lot of info to share so get your mind out of the gutter and please keep reading!

Angela would probably have me hunted down if I didn’t mention that there is a [redacted] Fall Donation Drive going on now. Our school is amazing, and a big part of that is due to what this program provides. Our art teacher, music teacher, Science Lab and more are all 100% funded by the program, so donate today! It’s like donating to NPR but without getting a dumb classical music CD that you can’t even put in your car to play because it’s a freaking CD and who listens to classical music anyway unless they are trying to make their baby a genius?

Also, please become a PTA member. I think we can all agree that attending PTA meetings is boring at worst and tedious at best, but it is a necessary group of devoted people who are advocating for the parents at our school. You don’t have to sit through the meetings, but you should become members because they need that sweet moolah to do great things for our kids

I think that about covers it. Thank you for reading until the end and have a fantastic day!



Tuesday, September 06, 2022

We shopped 'till I almost dropped

Last October my wife Debbie and I were on a primetime gameshow!!! We were on Season 2, Episode 5 of Supermarket Sweep hosted by Leslie Jones.

It originally aired on ABC and is currently available on Hulu. Although we are in the second half, I recommend watching the whole thing to get a feel for the game before we are on. If you see me in person I'm happy to tell the story!

P.S. Leslie Jones is lovely.