Thursday, July 30, 2015

Top 5 lions (+ worst ever)

1. Lambert the Sheepish Lion
2. Brave Heart Lion (Care Bear Cousin)
3. Leo the Lion (MGM)
4. Mufasa
5. Cowardly Lion

Worst: I'm not even going to say because I don't want to be harassed by all the people who are rallying behind Cecil the lion to attack that dickhead dentist who killed him. All lions are great, okay?

Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!

Monday, July 27, 2015

When four eyes just aren't enough

I was walking by Costco's optical department and saw this ad:

I don't need glasses, but I might fake an eyesight problem in order to get a pair of these bad boys. I've always wanted to view the world in High Definition. I do have some questions though. Are they 1080p? Do they come with an HDMI cable, or do I need to buy one separately? Also, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP THEY'RE JUST REGULAR GLASSES!

Saturday, July 18, 2015

A questionable promotion

I drove by a local business and noticed this poster in their window. As if waiting for the results of an HIV test isn't stressful enough!

I can just see the doctor giving out the results: "Sir, I have some bad news . . . you did not win the car. What's that? Oh no, you don't have HIV! Bummer about the car though, right?"

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Speaking of pants. . . .

How did these pants happen?

How did these pants go from concept, to manufacturing, to being sold, to being bought, to being actually worn? In public? I would love to have been a fly on the wall when these things were being designed.

"Okay, next up is Larry's 'word pants' idea. Have we decided how many times the word 'rich' should be printed on the ass crack?"

"We're thinking five. Four is clearly not enough and everyone agrees that six would be tacky."

"Good thinking Herbert! That's why you're the best pantsman in the biz. Now, what are your thoughts on devil nuts?"

Tuesday, July 07, 2015

Quiz in your pants!

QuizUp is a trivia game you can carry in your pocket! The app creates a custom chart that's supposed to reflect your knowledge base. It's pretty uncanny how accurate mine is.