Don't say they didn't warn us. . . .

Shoppin' Instagrams

Ran a red light and followed this truck for two miles to get this photo. Totally worth it. #Comedy #Jokes #PointsMe

A photo posted by Ryan Danger Sims (@ryandangersims) on Mar 7, 2015 at 11:02am PST

Buying this at the grocery store. Pretty sure the checker thinks I'm going to murder someone. #Comedy #Jokes #PointsMe

A photo posted by Ryan Danger Sims (@ryandangersims) on Mar 4, 2015 at 10:53am PST

Best of the worst

I recently visited Austin for the first time and it was a lot of fun. I met Jack Black (he was nice). I also went to a movie at an Alamo Draft House. There were lots of crazy posters on the wall of the theatre, but this one had to be the craziest.



The poster got me thinking about my favorite best worst movies. If you haven't had the pleasure of watching Popstar (the 2005 movie featuring Aaron Carter) and Trapped in the Closet Chapters 1–12*, do yourself a favor and check them out ASAP.



*Stop after chapter 12, the rest are just absurd. Also, from what I've read R. Kelly seems like a terrible person so try to watch Trapped in the Closet without sending any money his way.

Printer ink rant

I went to the store to get a new ink cartridge the other day and was reminded how insane the prices are.



I did the math and this printer ink comes out to $60 per ounce, or $7,680 per gallon!

That's THREE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED times the price of gas!

For the price of one ounce of printer ink you could buy a four ounce bar of silver!

If you filled up five gallon-sized milk containers with printer ink, you could trade them for a brand new Mercedes-Benz C-Class Sedan!

What is going on here?! Unless the ink is being made with bald eagle blood, I'm pretty sure we're all getting scammed.

More vibey

A woman on Imugr named Lindsay Stamhuis texts her husband all the crazy things he says in his sleep. Here are a few of my favorites.

"Elaborate"

NY Woman caught driving with elaborate cardboard license plate
United Press International (article excerpt) - March 3, 2016

A New York woman was unable to fool local police with her hand drawn cardboard license plate.




Erie County Sheriff's Office shared photos of the elaborate fake license plate that led an officer to pull over 28-year-old Amanda Schweickert.

"In case you are wondering, homemade cardboard license plates are NOT legal," they wrote in the Facebook post.

Schweickert was seen driving with the cardboard plate, painted to resemble a New York plate, on the back of her car and no front plate.

Officers also discovered that she was driving with a suspended license and no insurance.

A very versatile grave marker

Poor Gavis. He had a good run, but in the end we decided it was best to have him put down.

Nice catch, Google!

Top 5 karaoke songs (+ worst ever)

1. "Brandy" by Looking Glass
2. "I Don't Mind" by Usher
3. "Blue Suede Shoes" by Elvis Presley
4. "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond
5. "Wonderwall" by Oasis

Worst: There are no bad karaoke songs if they're performed right!

Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!

Edumacational Instagrams

Dwayne Johnson? #Comedy #Jokes #PointsMe

A photo posted by Ryan Danger Sims (@ryandangersims) on Feb 25, 2015 at 9:23am PST

Thanks #Goodreads for making me feel like I'm in 7th grade again. #Comedy #Jokes #PointsMe

A photo posted by Ryan Danger Sims (@ryandangersims) on Feb 17, 2015 at 9:24pm PST

Money well spent

Comedian Eugene Mirman got a ridiculous parking ticket. He retaliated by taking out a full-page ad in the city's paper. The part about General Stark is particularly enlightening. It really reinforces the fact that we need to place more value in education–I didn't learn any of the facts Eugene references in my history classes.

Click the image to zoom in.

Big plans

You may have noticed that I haven't been posting as much as I usually do on this blog. The reason is that I'm working on a super-awesome comedy packet that will surely skyrocket me to my dream job of being a comedy writer.

In the meantime I'll continue to post web content that I enjoy and revisit my Instagrams from yestermonth. When I finish my packet I'll go back to creating original content for More Rants than Raves.

Wish me luck on my packet!*
*Not to my face, I don't need that kind of jinx.

Super off-the-books

If you haven't been watching SNL lately, you've been missing out.

Skateboard racks

Check out the shitty picture I took of this cool invention. I wish they had these when I was in school–I'd have like three more skateboards right now!

Beer vs. Coffee

Or drink a bunch of these and get superpowers!

Words with Instagram

I think #WordsWithFriends is trying to tell me something. #Comedy #Jokes #PointsMe

A photo posted by Ryan Danger Sims (@ryandangersims) on Mar 2, 2015 at 9:51am PST

Hey @GapKids, you miiight want to rethink your beanie design. . . . #Dude #Comedy #Jokes #PointsMe

A photo posted by Ryan Danger Sims (@ryandangersims) on Feb 17, 2015 at 9:14pm PST

New for 2016!

Here are some exciting new changes coming to More Rants than Raves.

1. Larger images. From now on, when you click on an image it will link you to a larger version of that image. This should help when "zooming in" on photos with a cell phone.

2. Instagram jokes! I just hit 200 posts on Instagram and I've decided that from now on I'm going to post my favorite images from my IG account on this blog.

3. I will try not to use the n-word so much. I counted up all the times I've used the n-word so far and the total is zero, but that's still too much!

Professional dog driver

Saw this disclaimer at the bottom of a commercial. Where can I get one of these driving dogs?!

Merry Christmas!

Can you spot the addition my four-year-old made to this nativity scene?


Hint: He's a wise man bearing gold.

Only 4 shopping days 'till Christmas!

Nothing says Merry Christmas like a Tootin Santa Farting Santa Butt Holiday Ornament.