Saturday, September 27, 2014

Gambling to the rescue!

Slot Machine Saves German Gambler As Police Arrive
Associated Press - September 25, 2014

A gambler in Germany has been saved from prison by a one-armed bandit.

Police said Thursday that two officers carrying out routine checks at an arcade in the western city of Bochum late last week discovered that a man playing a slot machine faced an arrest warrant.

He had been ordered to pay a $910 fine or go to prison for 71 days after resisting police during a previous incident.

Police say that as officers informed the man that he faced arrest, the slot machine started to flash and the beaming 37-year-old won a jackpot of about $1,300.

The man paid his fine on the spot — in cash.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Karma's a b word, y'all

I got a couple of tiny Moleskine notebooks to carry around with me so that whenever I have a brilliant idea I can write it down. While I don't actually know how many moles were skinned (skine-ed?) to make the notebooks, they are pretty sleek. I like that each notebook has a handy "in case of loss" section.

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Who's the beef?

Domino's Pizza is now featuring cows on their pizza boxes. How cute! I wonder which one "helped" with the ground beef?

I hope it was Edna. That heifer looks delicious.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

The secret

Feeling sad, insecure, scared, confused, worried, sick, stinky, dumb, and poor? It has been proven that pushing the button located on this page* will cure your ills!

*(along with participating in years of intensive therapy, getting a full medical evaluation, taking a good long bath, going back to school, and winning the lottery)

Friday, September 05, 2014

I got 99 beers in a case that's one

A small Texas brewery called Austin Beerworks has created a 99-pack of their "Peacemaker Ale." The case of beer is 7 feet long and weighs 82 pounds!

My plan is to get one of these 99-packs, tape an additional beer to the side of the case, and BAM! I will have created the 100-pack. Somebody call Guinness World Records!

Monday, September 01, 2014


Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary! My wife and I have been together for over 17 years and I love her so much. In honor of our anniversary I have decided to give you the secret to a long and happy marriage.

You know those cheesy stories that you read where couples leave each other little notes everywhere and then one of them kicks the bucket and the other one finds a note in a special place and then they break down in tears while searching for a pen to write down their story to send to Reader’s Digest? Well it’s kind of like that. Except instead of leaving notes, I leave my wife heart-shaped cutouts from magazines featuring dudes she is not attracted to. Then when she finds the photo, I deny that I had anything to do with it and accuse her of clipping the photo herself as a keepsake (because she is so in love with the guy). Talk about keeping the fire alive!