Super cool!

Last week my wife and I went to a improv comedy show in LA. The act featured a few big names including Michael McDonald from Madtv and Saturday Night Live's newest cast member Michaela Watkins. We got to meet Michaela and she was really nice!

Top 5 cocktails (+ worst ever)

1. Chi-Chi
2. Old Fashioned
3. Dry Martini
4. Straight Tequila
5. Salty Dog

Worst: Buffalo Sweat (shooter)

Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!

Pay it backward

Today I helped a woman who was stranded in the middle of a highway off-ramp. I pushed her car up a huge hill and almost passed out from the strain. When I finished, she stopped her car and didn't even look up to thank me. This may sound incredible to you but it didn't surprise me at all. Believe it or not, this is the third stranger's car I have pushed in the last six months. Each time I pushed the car while the person sat in the driver's seat. Each time the person did not thank me. What kind of crazy sense of entitlement does someone have to have to let a complete stranger push their car and not even have the decency to say “thank you”?! This got me thinking about "paying it backwards."

Remember that corny-ass movie with Haley Joel Osment called Pay It Forward? For those that haven't seen it, the main character (Osment) comes up with a plan to "pay it forward" by doing a good deed for three people who must in turn each do good deeds for three other people, and on and on until the end of eternity. SPOILER ALERT: At the end of the movie Osment gets shanked in the stomach and dies a painful death. I guess that's what you get for being a good person.

So if I responded to that thankless beyotch by doing a bad deed (like pushing her car into a ditch) would that mean I am "paying it backwards" or would that mean I am "paying forward" a bad deed? I guess "paying it backwards" would involve responding to a good deed by performing a bad one, or responding to a bad deed by performing a good one, so technically I would be "paying it forward" in a bad way. Wait. What?

I think I need more sleep. . . .

¡Fantástico!

While browsing through a recent issue of People en Español, I stumbled upon a preview of their upcoming "50 Most-o Beautiful-ee-see-mo People-o" (that's "50 Most Beautiful People" to all you non-Spanish speakers). The magazine had a spread showing some nominees, including the handsome devil on the bottom right of this photo:

I'm casting my vote for this guy:

He's so manly that my sissy-ass scanner actually broke while digitizing this image (I'm not joking). I found his photo on a different page of the magazine and I'm not even sure he's nominated, but I think he should win based on the mustache alone.

Pretend poop balls

Last month the kindergarten class I'm observing had a special guest speaker. The visitor was from the local utility company and was there to teach the children about water and storm drains. She brought along an assortment of props, including "pretend poop balls" (her words, not mine). A few minutes into her presentation it became apparent that she was a little crazy.

After sharing a story of a woman that caught her hair on fire on America's Funniest Home Videos, she suggested that it is okay for the children to eat dirt. My favorite part of the discussion was when the speaker gave convoluted instructions which suggested that the kids go home and fill their parent's measuring cups with fertilizer. I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

Top 5 sports to watch (+ worst ever)

1. Football
2. Baseball (live, not on TV)
3. World's Strongest Man competition
4. Curling
5. Tennis

Worst: Long distance running

Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!

Top 5 sports to play (+ worst ever)

1. Snowboarding
2. Bodyboarding
3. Volleyball
4. Skateboarding
5. Bocce

Worst: Long distance running

Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!

My video game collection (updated)

I posted a photo of my game collection a couple of years ago and thought I should
update it. Click the image to get a closer look.

I also have the following games downloaded onto my Wii and Xbox 360: Contra III:
The Alien Wars, Dr. Mario Online Rx, Frogger, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of
Time, Mario Kart 64, Pac-Man, Portal: Still Alive, SimCity, Street Fighter II Turbo,
Street Fighter II: The World Warrior, Super Mario Bros., Super Mario World, Super
Puzzle Fighter II Turbo HD Remix, and Vegas Stakes.

Laundry room rants

1. Can anyone tell me just what exactly I'm supposed to do when I drop a sock on the laundry room floor while transferring it from the washing machine to the dryer? I can't put it in the dryer because its been on the dirty floor, I can't put it back in my laundry basket because its still wet (and probably covered with some stranger's stray hair), and I can't wash it because I refuse to pay another $1.50 to launder one damn sock. I know that some of you sickos are going to say that I should just throw it in the dryer. Well, I have OCD (and I am not a filthy animal) so for me that isn't an option.

2. There's nothing worse than arriving in the laundry room to find some freak rifling through your delicates. I have had confrontations with at least three individuals in my apartment complex because I found them piling my clothes onto the laundry room table. I set an alarm to make sure I move my stuff on time but if I'm not there within a minute of the washer or dryer being done there is sure to be some a-hole waiting in the wings to get their grubby hands on my unmentionables.

3. Who are these cavemen who can't/won't empty the dryer's lint trap when they're finished using it? We are trying to live in a society here people!

On a serious note, I found a troublesome flier on my laundry room wall. I hope the poor pirate finds his pooch. . . .

A wonderful poem

"Perfection Wasted"

And another regrettable thing about death
is the ceasing of your own brand of magic,
which took a whole life to develop and market --
the quips, the witticisms, the slant
adjusted to a few, those loved ones nearest
the lip of the stage, their soft faces blanched
in the footlight glow, their laughter close to tears,
their tears confused with their diamond earrings,
their warm pooled breath in and out with your heartbeat,
their response and your performance twinned.
The jokes over the phone. The memories
packed in the rapid-access file. The whole act.
Who will do it again? That's it: no one;
imitators and descendants aren't the same.

-- John Updike