I'm a big dork

I just realized how much of a nerd I really am when I bought my new Monopoly video game. While purchasing the game the cashier asked me, "why don't you just get the board game?" To which I responded pathetically, "I have the board game version but no one will play it with me."

The truth is that Monopoly has always been my favorite game but it isn't the easiest thing to find people willing to spend 3-5 hours fighting over fake money. With the video game I can curse at the other players all I want and I don't have watch people try to scam each other with shady trades.

I wasn't sure about getting the video game version but it was calling my name - literally. Check out this detail from the back cover:

Dutchess

This character was created by Pete Sims. Go make your own at marvel.com. If you email your superhero to me I'll post it on this blog!

Hobocide

This character was created by Jim Condon. Go make your own at marvel.com. If you email your superhero to me I'll post it on this blog!

El Tigre

This character was created by Jacob Sims. Go make your own at marvel.com. If you email your superhero to me I'll post it on this blog!

Flame

This character was created by Debbie Sims. Go make your own at marvel.com. If you email your superhero to me I'll post it on this blog!

Big Baller

Have you always wanted to create your own comic book superhero but are held back by the fact that you can't draw to save your life? Well, today is your lucky day. Marvel has created a website that allows you to create a character by piecing together pre-drawn parts. After you finish you can download your image and/or email it to a friend.

Check out the bad-ass that I created:



Go create your own at marvel.com. If you email your superhero to me I'll post it on this blog!

Okay, so I drank a bunch of High Life . . .

So here's the deal. I decided it would be a good idea to rub all the cologne samples in my men's magazine on my neck at the same time. The problem? I sat in the hot tub and took a shower and I still smell like an effing gigolo.

On a totally different note, I came up with two new names for popular TV shows.

#1 = The new 90210 should be called 902102 from now on.
#2 = Jon and Kate Plus 8 should now be called John and Kate Plus Hate.

Don't mess with Utah either

Saw this posted on a gas station door while traveling through Utah.

Smugglin' crocodiles

Panic aboard flight as croc takes mid-air stroll
Agence France Presse (article excerpt) - July 31, 2009

A baby crocodile triggered panic among passengers on an EgyptAir flight from Abu Dhabi to Cairo on Friday when it took a leisurely stroll on board the aircraft, airport officials said.

Crew members managed to corner and capture the croc and handed it over to authorities when the plane landed in Cairo, where it was to be housed at the Giza zoo.

All of the passengers were questioned about the crocodile, but none admitted bringing it on board.

Shampoo trivia

In my shower I have a bottle of Herbal Essences shampoo that has been giving me some trouble. On this bottle is a trivia question, the answer to which can be found on a bottle of conditioner of the same brand. The problem is that I don't use fancyboy conditioner. You see, I am a man made of muscle and brawn and my hair is tough like a Brillo pad, but I digress. Anyway I have been staring at this shampoo bottle every morning for months and trying to guess the answer and it finally drove me so nuts that I had to seek out the conditioner bottle at my local Target.

In order to save everyone from the same cruel and ridiculous fate, I have compiled a definitive list of these trivia questions and their answers. Enjoy.



Q: How long is the longest hair ever recorded?
A: 18 feet, 5.5 inches.

Q: How long is the longest kiss ever recorded?
A: 31 hours, 30 minutes.

Q: What is the largest cut diamond in the world?
A: The star of Africa - 530 carats.

Q: How long can it take an oyster to make a pearl?
A: 6 years.

Q: What percent of US women are born blonde?
A: 16%.

Q: On average, what does a blond have more than a brunette?
A: Hair on her head.

Q: On average, how many bubbles are in a bottle of champagne?
A: 58 million.

Q: What do 15% of women do on Valentine’s Day?
A: Send themselves flowers.

Q: What percent of men buy flowers on Valentine’s Day?
A: 73%.

Q: On average, how many couples get married in Las Vegas each day?
A: Over 300.

Q: On average, who do you talk to more than anyone else?
A: Yourself.

Q: In England in the 1880’s what was considered a dirty word?
A: Pants.

Q: What percent of women wear the wrong bra size?
A: More than 60%.

Q: What do almost half of women admit to doing to their significant other?
A: Throwing a shoe at him.

Q: What is the most popular sport played in nudist colonies?
A: Volleyball.

Q: What gem is thought to improve your love life?
A: Diamonds.

Q: How much are the world’s most expensive shoes worth?
A: Over 2 million dollars.

Q: How long does the average dream last?
A: 3 seconds.

Q: 33% of women have lied about what?
A: Their weight.

Q: How long do the majority of brides plan their wedding?
A: 7 to 12 months.

Q: What is the average number of bridesmaids at a wedding?
A: 4 bridesmaids.

Q: Two of five people end up marrying whom?
A: Their first love.

Q: Where do 27% of women hide a winning lottery ticket?
A: In their bra.

Q: On average, how much of your life is spent kissing?
A: Two weeks.

Q: On average, how many times does a woman touch another person per day?
A: 12 touches.

Q: What helps servers get a larger tip?
A: Touching a hand or shoulder.

Great quotes from president Obama

As many of you know, Barack Obama wrote a memoir entitled Dreams from My Father before he became president. (I personally think that his next book should be more focused on his mother and should be titled: Obama Mama Drama, but that is beside the point.) The reason I am bringing up Obama's memoir is that he read the text aloud for the audiobook version and it contains some fantastically funny lines.

Click here to listen to Obama tell it like it is.