Funny blurbs

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Unless you throw a dictionary at me." - Stephen Colbert

"I went into a shoe store and I said, 'Uh, hey can I get those in a 10?' The guy said, 'sure' and he went in the back. Then a couple minutes later he came out and he goes, 'I don't have a 10, I have a 9.' Great, 'cause while you were in the back, my toes were severed off. Normally it would be stupid for you to say a number different than what we agreed on, but given my recent accident you're right on." - Demetri Martin

"At the Olive Garden, they like to say, 'When you're here, you're family.' It's true. I showed up with a date, and the hostess said, 'We think you could do better.'" - Aparna Nancherla

You can see my Halo? Well, this is awkward. . . .

According to a recent study from the University of Rochester, violent first-person shooter video games can help players make decisions faster in real life. The researchers chose to study these games because, "Unlike standard learning paradigms, which have a highly specific solution, there is no such specific solution in action video games because situations are rarely, if ever, repeated." Pretty interesting stuff.

I know the results of the study are true because I make all my decisions at lightning speed. To give you an example I've typed out my thought process over the last couple of days.

Q: Should I do lesson planning for my class or play Halo?

A: Play Halo.

Q: Should I get a good night's sleep or play Halo?

A: Play Halo.

Q: Should I go outside and enjoy the day or play Halo?

A: Play Halo.

See how video games improve your life?

Top 5 best things about my new car (+ worst ever)

1. Automatic transmission
2. Unlike my old car, the air conditioning, driver side door lock, 2nd gear, reverse gear, glove compartment hatch, left break light, heating vents, windshield wipers, driver side mirror, seat belts, window seals, passenger side door hinge, interior handles, parking break, and engine, all function properly
3. That new car smell
4. Comfortable seats
5. Stereo with CD and iPod input

Worst: Driving like a grandma because I don't want to wreck it

Who said video games are a waste of time?

i.am impressed

I'm the first to admit that the hip hop group, Black Eyed Peas are kind of annoying. Their songs are repetitive and I would be happy if I never had to hear old "Fergalicious" croak out another tune for the rest of my life. Imagine my surprise, then, when I found out that Will.i.am (one of the group's members) is a completely awesome human being.

I was flipping channels the other day and saw him on Oprah giving out houses. I don't mean that I saw him asking for money to help his charity.  I don't mean that I saw him saying that his record label was putting up some money to help people in need.  I mean that Will.i.am gave $350,000 of his own money to pay off the mortgages of two families that were going to lose their houses because of the current economic crisis.

He was super shy and he didn't make a big deal out of it (the segment on the show was very short).  He just came out and said, "I don’t dream to be like mega, crazy rich. I just wanna be able to create, make music, and help people when they need it."  He said that instead of asking people to donate money, he figured he would just put up his own.  What a cool guy.


Will.i.am (right) hangin' with Wolverine

Shadiest barista ever

If you've been keeping up with this blog, you know that I have a love-hate relationship with Starbucks.  I was reminded of this today when I went to the Starbucks by my house and ordered a medium-sized cup of Pike Place Roast (yes, I know that at Starbucks a medium is called "grande" but I'm simplifying for the purposes of this post and, honestly, typing words like "vinte" make me feel like an idiotic snob).

Anyway, after taking my payment the barista turned and proceeded to fill my cup with Anniversary Blend. I repeated that I wanted Pike Place Roast and he confirmed that he was giving me just that. I then pointed out that I saw him pour me a cup out of Anniversary Blend. He then conceded and said that the Pike Place was empty and that I would have to wait a few minutes for them to brew a new batch.  At this point I realized that this shady-ass barista was trying to trick me into taking the wrong type of coffee because it was easier for him to do this rather than brew more. 

I would like to stop here and point out that even though I may sound like a diva/asshole I was actually being really courteous to the guy (saying things like, "Oh, it's my fault.  I guess the labels on the coffee machines must be mixed up.").  I wasn't trying to be rude to him, I just wanted to get the coffee I asked for.

Anyway, back to the story.  I told him that it was no problem for me to wait and then asked if I would be getting my coffee for free (again, not because I'm an asshole, but because their company policy is to give you a free drink whenever you have to wait for it to brew).  He thought about it for a second and then agreed.  He said something like, "Sure, I got you man.  Don't worry about it, it's on us."  He then started to wait on the next customer.  The problem with this is that I had already paid for the coffee.

So basically, the barista tried to trick me twice.  First, he tried to give me the wrong coffee (and lied to me about it).  Second, he tried to give me a "free" drink that I already paid for.  Eventually I got a free coffee out of the deal and a (hopefully) amusing story, but I have to say that I have never seen such a shady-ass barista in my life.

P.S. I know this photo is kind of out of place but I thought it was nice.