Simsplea the best

Last month I ran across a couple of interesting news articles. I didn’t post them at the time because I didn’t want to interrupt my "best toys from childhood" series. Now that March has come to a close, I thought I'd share these little gems.

Man fires gun to protest slow service

United Press International (article excerpt) - March 12, 2011

A man decided to let employees at a Denny's restaurant in Florida know he was unhappy about delayed service by firing three shots outside the door, police say.

Frederick Louis Sims, 31, of Orlando was arrested near the restaurant Tuesday afternoon, the Orlando Sentinel reported. Police officers said they found a small quantity of marijuana and a .22-caliber Ruger pistol in Sims's Cadillac Escalade.

I'm interested in this article because this Fred Sims character is undoubtedly a long-lost relative of mine. My family has a distinguished history of getting extremely agitated over lengthy restaurant wait times. Also, I couldn't resist a news article that mentions a police search of “Sims’s Cadillac Escalade.”

A few days after the Denny’s incident, another guy got busted for shooting a gun in a different restaurant.

Cops: Angry Taco Bell customer fires at officers

Associated Press (article excerpt) - March 21, 2011

Police say a San Antonio Taco Bell customer enraged that the seven burritos he ordered had gone up in price fired an air gun at an employee and later fired an assault rifle at officers before barricading himself into a hotel room.

San Antonio police Sgt. Chris Benavides says officers used tear gas Sunday night to force the man from the hotel room after a three-hour standoff. The man is charged with three counts of attempted capital murder.

Brian Tillerson, a manager at the Taco Bell/KFC restaurant, told the San Antonio Express-News that the man was angry the Beefy Crunch Burrito had gone from 99 cents to $1.49 each.

The article above doesn’t mention the perp’s name but I wouldn’t be surprised if he was also a Sims. Consider the facts of the case:

1. The guy was at a Taco Bell (everybody knows I love Taco Bell).

2. He was angered by gratuitous price gouging ($1.49 for a beefy crunch?!).

3. He was packing an airsoft gun (I have one and I'm not afraid to use it).

**I should mention here that I draw the line at assault rifles and police standoffs.**

In all seriousness though, what is wrong with these two guys?! Their parents must have let them play with cap guns when they were kids. . . .