Douche & Gabbana

Question: Is this guy really small or is his purse really big?

How to get kicked out of an Applebee's

Man arrested after karaoke stripping

United Press International - March 19, 2012

Florida authorities said they arrested a 28-year-old man who shed his clothing during a karaoke performance at a restaurant.

Sgt. Byron Barnes, a spokesman for the Melbourne Police Department, said Jeffrey Lee Thompson was singing during karaoke night at the Applebee's Restaurant early Monday and the manager tried to stop his performance when he began shedding his clothes, Florida Today reported Monday.

"He was intoxicated. It was karaoke night and he became very involved with his performance," Barnes said of Thompson. "He took his clothes off as he sang to the audience."

Barnes said Thompson punched the manager, knocking him to the floor, and a Palm Bay police officer working at the restaurant used a stun gun to subdue the suspect until police arrived.

Thompson was charged with battery and disorderly conduct.

Party like a patron saint

Check out the email ad I got from Dave and Buster's, encouraging me to celebrate St. Patrick's Day at one of their fine establishments.

Dude, St. Patrick was the bomb! No one partied harder than him. Sure, those rave kids at the bottom of the ad look pretty cool, but they gots nothin' on jolly old Saint Pat. He was a slave for six years and then went on to become an ordained bishop. How could anyone have more fun than that?!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

"One in a million" rant

According to the U.S. Census Bureau's World Population Clock, at the time of this writing there are approximately 7,000,086,975 people on planet Earth. This means that when someone tells you that you're "one in a million," what they're actually saying is that there are 6,999 other people in the world who are exactly like you in every way.

I propose that from now on everyone should say, "you're one in seven billion eighty-six thousand nine hundred seventy-five." I admit it isn't as catchy, but at least it's a compliment.

Ultimate collector's items

Type: Comic Book

Title: Action Comics No. 1

Value: $2.16 million

This comic features the first appearance of Superman. The near-pristine copy pictured below was stolen from actor Nicolas Cage in 2000. It was recovered in 2011 by a man who had bought the contents of an abandoned storage locker in San Fernando Valley.

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Item: Baseball Card

Title: Honus Wagner T206

Value: $2.80 million

Production of the card was stopped quickly and only a few made it into circulation. Wagner refused to allow production of his baseball card because he didn't want children to buy cigarette packs in order to get it. The card is referred to as the "Gretzky Honus Wagner" because it was once owned by hockey legend Wayne Gretzky.

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Item: Coin

Title: 1933 Gold Double Eagle

Value: $7.59 million

All of these coins were supposed to be destroyed when Roosevelt took America off the gold standard. A Mint cashier secretly switched a handful of them with earlier dated Double Eagles before they were melted down.

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Item: Postage Stamp

Title: Treskilling Yellow

Value: $7.87 million

Printed in Sweden in 1855, this stamp is the only one of its kind. It is said to have been found by a Swedish schoolboy in 1885 among a pile of letters left by his grandparents. The stamp was supposed to be green, but was printed yellow by mistake. The tiny stamp (weighing just 0.03 grams) is thought to be the most valuable thing in existence by weight and volume.

Fashion rant

Last week while watching the Oscars I saw actress Missi Pyle talking about her "eco-friendly" dress. At first I thought her outfit looked pretty good considering it was probably made from old soup cans, kitchen sponges, and dirty diapers. Then she revealed that what made her gown so "earth friendly" is that is was made with "cruelty-free silkworms." I shit you not. She assured viewers that no silkworms were harmed in the making of her dress.

When I heard this, my face made the exact same expression as the woman on the left of this photo. I'm just glad that the silkworms finally reached a collective bargaining agreement and can get back to work. I heard it got so bad that they couldn't even afford to buy the silk sheets they work so hard to produce.