A man and his dog

A guy named Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) recently went on a Twitter rant about his experience while playing the video game Skyrim. I converted his tweets into paragraph form, using ellipses between the tweets to make it easier to read.

worst part of Skyrim was when I found that dog whose owner died in a cabin, and then I of course had to adopt the dog bc i'm not a monster . . . and I f*cking love this dog, but i'm wondering around trying to solve quests and save the world and junk, but this good dog . . . this good dog always tries to help out fighting giants and dragons, and it's like 'NO DON'T HURT MY DOG' . . . and i have to fight like 300% harder to save my dog from being eaten by a dragon and i've honestly never been so anxious

so then I find out that I can build a homestead and my dog can live there, so the next four days of my life are building shit . . . while bandits and dragons still attack my dog while i'm bloody mining ore and building a goddamn solarium for my pooch . . . and then the dog won't stay in the house, and I discover I have to adopt a child first, and the child has to like my dog

so i go to an orphanage, to discover they are being mistreated by an evil woman, so I kill her . . . but then I can't adopt a child any more because they are free! So I wander Skyrim looking for a parent-free child somewhere . . . and I don't even like children

and then finally I find some girl begging in Whiterun, and she's all like 'thanks Mum!' (I play a lady cat-wizard) . . . and then I discover that the girl WON'T MOVE INTO MY HOUSE BECAUSE I DIDN'T MAKE A PROPER BED FOR HER . . . SO I DECIDE TO BUILD A NEW HOUSE, ON A F*CKING LAKE BECAUSE I FIGURE IT WILL BE A GOOD PLACE TO RAISE CHILDREN OR WHATEVER . . . BUT FIRST I HAVE TO BECOME A THANE OF FALKREATH AND DO ALL THESE QUESTS TO HELP PEOPLE BEFORE THEY GIVE ME A PLOT OF LAND

and my dog is STILL following me around STILL nearly dying in every fight, and I'm just a tense, scared motherf*cker

anyway, then I meet another goddamn dog on the road, but it's a f*cking demon dog, and it comes with me too . . . and it's like - months have passed by in the game, the world is being invaded by dragons, and I'm just focused on real estate . . . finally i build my new lakefront house, and go find my daughter (who has been living on the streets for about two months) . . . it's like - LITERALLY, beggars can't be choosers, but bc i didn't make a nice bed for her, she sleeps on a bench in Whiterun

and she moves in to my house, which is right next to a cave of wolves and a necromancers summoning circle, but whatev . . . and I walk into the house, with my goddamn dog, waiting for her to adopt my dog so I can go save the world . . . and she's ADOPTED A F*CKING RAT . . . THERE IS THIS GORGEOUS, BRAVE DOG WHO JUST WANTS TO SETTLE DOWN IN FRONT OF A HEARTH . . . AND SHE'S FLOUNCING AROUND WITH A GIANT RAT

in the meantime, I get married to a lady named Mjoll the Lioness, bc she's hot to trot and will be a good lesbian mother . . . and weirdly, her 'friend' Aerin, moves into our house too . . . and it's like - do we have a polyamorous relationship and are raising our homeless daughter and her rat? bc that's cool

so I'm like 'i'll go and find a brother for my new daughter' and he can adopt the dog. Hopefully . . . and it works out - the boy wants my dog, my dog likes the boy, everything is fine, the dog has been successfully adopted . . . and finally i can go back to being the saviour of Tamriel.

although I then discover that Mjoll's "friend" Aerin keeps yelling 'stupid dog' at my gorgeous dog . . . so I waited until he was outside and I try to make him f*ck off back to his OWN HOUSE . . . my theory was that I could shout him into the lake? anyway, I misjudged and shouted him into the necromancer circle . . . and he died

and my wife saw me kill him, and attacked me, and I didn't want to kill her, so i ran away . . . so I just never went back to my house, but even though I destroyed my marriage and killed a man . . . i know that my dog is safe. THE END. THANK YOU