Monday, July 15, 2013

Heineken

RATING: 5/5



There's nothing quite like an ice-cold Heineken on a hot day. Or a warm day. Or during a frigid ice storm. From the distinctive green bottle to the "good skunky" flavor, Heineken is a classic. I must admit that I'm a little biased here because it was my grandpa's favorite beer (and he was the coolest guy ever). As he would say, "It really hits the spot!"

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Kona Brewing Co. Wailua

RATING: 4/5



I usually don't go in for flavored beers, but I had had this company's Koko Brown Ale and it was excellent so I thought I would give this one a try as well. I was not disappointed. Great front-end flavor with an authentic passion fruit aftertaste.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Coronado Brewing Co. Islander IPA

RATING: 2.5/5



Probably the least-bitter IPA I have ever had (and that isn't a good thing). It was smooth enough, but it was light on taste and it had a biting, acidic aftertaste that seemed to go on forever. Not horrible, but I definitely wouldn't' seek it out. I had high hopes for this beer. I was married on Coronado Island and it is a beautiful place. I heard the brewery is very nice so I will be sure to check it out next time I'm in San Diego.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Samuel Adams Latitude 48 IPA

RATING: 4/5



I have always enjoyed Samuel Adams beer and was excited to try their take on an IPA. I was not disappointed. Latitude 48 is a on the lighter side for an IPA, but still boasts a nice flavor with a crisp lemon-citrus finish. Plus every cent spent on Samuel Adams goes towards America!

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Beck's Sapphire

RATING: 3/5



I was curious how these much hyped "sapphire" hops would taste. (Would it be like drinking a glass of fine jewelry?) Unfortunately it turned out to be a pretty basic beer. Very light flavor with a bit of a sake aftertaste. Not spectacular, but okay summertime drinkin.' I do think it's pretty unbelievable that they packed so little taste into a beer with 6% ABV. Hide this one from the kids!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Fireman's Brew Brunette Beer

RATING: 4/5



This German-style doublebock was very easy on the palette. I was expecting a heavy malty-sweet taste (it's 8% ABV) but it was actually pretty mild. My brother is a fireman and fights fires in the area around where this beer is produced. Next time I visit I'll try to convince him that we should go on a brewery tour together. My plan is to borrow his uniform and sweat it out while drinking what I can only assume will be a massive amount of free beer.

Tuesday, July 09, 2013

Belmont Brewing Company Chinook IPA

RATING: 5/5



This beer doesn't come in a bottle--you have to get it straight from the source. The brewery only makes Chinook occasionally which is probably good since it's so easy to drink it's scary. Full IPA flavor without being overly bitter. Light on carbonation with a long lasting hoppy aftertaste. The fact that the brewery is located on the beach doesn't hurt, either.

Monday, July 08, 2013

Magic Hat #9

RATING: 3/5



This beer didn't leave much of an impression on me. It was light on flavor with a kind of bitter orange-peel finish. The label promises "a performance in every bottle." Extending the metaphor, I would compare this beer to a street musician. While I enjoy listening to a song while I walk by, I'm not going to sit down on the curb and listen to the entire set.

Sunday, July 07, 2013

Redbridge

RATING: 1/5



While about 0.1% of people in the United States are allergic to gluten, it seems that 99% of the US population think they have a gluten allergy. If you want to poison your body with alcohol but NOT gluten, Redbridge is the beer for you. Actually, scratch that--I'm not sure Redbridge is for anyone. This stuff is bad. It kind of tastes like carbonated vinegar water.

Saturday, July 06, 2013

O'Doul's

RATING: 3.5/5



Fake beer is not just for alcoholics y'all! It's great when you want the flavor of beer but don't want to get tipsy. I have tried many fake beers and I think that O'Doul's is the best. It has a relatively full flavor with a nice caramel finish. It's not over-carbonated and not too sweet.

Interesting fact: fake beer costs more to produce than regular beer. I got into a conversation with a distributer a few years back and he explained that the brewery has to make the beer with alcohol first and then extract it. A process that takes extra time and money.

Friday, July 05, 2013

Lagunitas A Little Sumpin' Sumpin' Ale

RATING: 4.5/5



I have been a fan of Lagunitas for a looong time and I am so happy that they are finally carrying it in SoCal. I'd like to think that I had something to do with their expanded distribution since I was a kind of (completely unofficial) ambassador for them. Every time I went up North I would buy some and bring it home for my friends to try. A Little Sumpin' Sumpin' is nice and bitter with a crisp brown sugar finish. I could drink this one all day.

Thursday, July 04, 2013

Blue Moon Agave Nectar Ale

RATING: 1.5/5



Agave nectar is basically sugar, so I was expecting a syrupy sweet beer. While this ale did have a hint of sweetness, it actually tasted sour, like a bad cider. To be honest, this beer made me a little sick to my stomach. It could have been the four huge tacos and three scoops of ice cream I had before I drank it, but I liked this beer less with every sip.

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

Baltika 3

RATING: 3/5



I applaud the way these Russian beers are classified. Each style is assigned a number that is clearly printed on the label. Saying the name of these beers aloud kind of sounds like you are referring to different spaceships. I saw numbers 1 through 9 in the store and I'm excited to try them all. The number 3 reminded me of a Dutch beer (light flavor with a somewhat skunky aftertaste). Good for a summertime BBQ.

Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Rogue Dead Guy Ale

RATING: 2.5/5



Initially sweet with a slightly bitter aftertaste. Okay flavor but nothing that makes me want to run out and buy a bunch more. I really like the label and have fond memories of drinking this in high school college. Back then the label glowed in the dark!

Monday, July 01, 2013

Tusker

RATING: 4/5



Nice light beer with a distinctive semisweet aftertaste. I’m not a huge fan of lagers but when I find a good one I get excited. This one reminds me a bit of XXXX (Australian beer) which is a good thing. Great for summertime drinking. Also, the beer is from Nairobi, Kenya and it is named after a freaking elephant that killed one of the brewery’s founders. So that's pretty badass, too.

Friday, June 28, 2013

A month of beer!

I pride myself on having sampled a huge variety of beers. I am always ready to give beer advice to my friends (or hapless supermarket customers minding their own business trying to pick out something for a party).

Get ready to get excited, because now I've decided to share my wealth of knowledge with you! For the month of July I am going to post one beer review per day. Some beers will be new to me, and others will be old friends that I will revisit for the purpose of this project. It will be rough, but somehow I'll manage.

I'm going to rate each beer on a scale of 1 to 5. The point breakdown is as follows.

5/5 = LOVED IT
Fantastic! You should be drinking this beer right now!

4/5 = LIKED IT

A solid beer choice. I would be stoked to see this offered at a party and recommend that everyone give this beer a try.

3/5 = IT WAS OKAY

A standard beer. Nothing outstanding, nothing offensive. Buy it on sale.

2/5 = DIDN'T LIKE IT

Although this beer may be likable to some, I found it unappealing.

1/5 = HATED IT

Toxic poison sludge. I wouldn't drink this beer even if someone gave it to me for free!*

*Okay, you got me. I'd drink it, but only because I'm pretty sure it's illegal to refuse free beer.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Looks like fun!

Artist Leandro Erlich just created an interactive art installation called "Dalston House" in London. Looks like a lot of fun!











Tuesday, June 25, 2013

A public service announcement



Attention drivers:

You must choose to adorn your car with either a giant eagle license plate frame, or a customized plate expressing your love of hunting animals in their natural habitat. Otherwise everyone's just going to think that you "love tos fart."

Monday, June 24, 2013

Cake catastrophe

I know this has been making the rounds on Facebook, but I had to archive it here. A lady bought a graduation cake for her daughter and asked that the baker put a little "cap" on her daughter's photo. Here's what she got.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

BADASS!

Mom fights off carjacker with kids in backseat
United Press International (article excerpt) - June 17, 2013

Dorothy Baker-Flugence returned to her minivan with her two young children after shopping in Baytown, Texas, when Ismael Martinez, armed with a knife, popped up from the back seat.


Police say a two-year-old boy and his five-year-old sibling were inside the minivan. "The guy pulled a knife on her," said Charles Flugence, the victim's husband. "He had a knife on my son."


Flugence says his wife told him she struggled with Martinez, honked the horn and somehow called 911 while prying the knife away from the assailant.


"She got the knife," Flugence said. "She got a cut that goes across her chest. She grabbed the knife and he bit her hand."


Police say Baker-Flugence ran her van intentionally off the road trying to disorient Martinez.


When the van stopped, Baker-Flugence punched the man in the face, and he jumped out of the vehicle. That's when she reportedly ran over him.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Street smarts rant

There are few things more obnoxious than a person insisting that although they don't have a formal education, they make up for it with their "street smarts." Each person has the right to live their life however they want and I don't think that anyone is better than anyone else based on the extent of their education. My problem is with people that go around insisting that college is "stupid" and that everything they need to know, they learned from "the streets."

What exactly do these "street smarts" consist of? Not walking around late at night in the ghetto holding a big wad of cash? Knowing who to page in order to buy the best crack rocks? Honestly, I would like to see a syllabus.

I'm pretty sure that all you need to know in the way of "street smarts" is don't hang out in shitty parts of town and don't mess with guys with face tattoos. Class dismissed.

Wednesday, June 05, 2013

As fresh as a bar bathroom floor!

Fructis needs to shell out a little more money on the ink they use to label their shampoo. "Puke clean" doesn't sound very hygienic.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The worst of the worst

It's been a while since I've watched ANTM and I almost forgot how much I hate Tyra Banks. On the episode I just watched, Tyra literally prohibited this girl from showering, made her lay facedown on a filthy floor, and lick warm soda off of the tile. There was a cockroach crawling next to her head. I am not kidding. Tyra kicked her off the show right after the shoot was completed.

And don't even get me started on "Bryanboy." Just typing his "name" makes me throw up in my mouth a little. There are a lot of snarky little shits on reality TV, but he is the WORST of the worst. His contribution to the episode I discussed above was to throw trash at a model's feet and say, "that's what I think of your face." He also told her that she, "didn't look trashy enough" during her photo shoot. Did I mention she was photographed in a f*cking dumpster?

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Psalm 137 ain't just a Sublime song, yo*

*Or a Melodians song, reggae snob.

I just finished reading The Bible cover to cover. I didn't skip over the boring parts. I read every single word (including the freaking endnotes). It took me about six months and I have to say that it was an interesting experience.



I have a long and complicated history with religion and do not consider myself to be a particularly religious person. That being said, The Bible is arguably the most important book of all time due to its impact on world history and culture, and the fact that it has literally billions of people following its instruction.

I am not going to go on about my thoughts here in this blog because I have a kind of unofficial policy of not discussing politics or religion on More Rants than Raves. If you'd like to know what I really think, buy me a beer sometime and I'll drop some mad philosophy.

Friday, May 17, 2013

So that's what that is!

Here are some things that I have always wondered about but never bothered to look up (until now).

1. How far is a "klick?"


2. According to proper etiquette, where do you put your napkin when you leave the table mid-meal?


3. What side of a boat is referred to as "starboard" and what side is "port?"


4. How much is a gold bar worth?



ANSWERS

1. In military terms, a "klick" is a distance of one kilometer (or .62 miles).
2. On your chair (NOT on the table).
3. Starboard is right, port is left.
4. The standard gold bar held and traded internationally by central banks and bullion dealers is the Good Delivery bar with a 400 oz. (25 lbs.) nominal weight. As of today's date, one of these bars would be worth $550,700.

Saturday, May 04, 2013

Questionable counsel

Here are some things my parents told me when I was a kid that I believed for way too long.

1. If you swallow bubble gum, it will NEVER leave your stomach.

2. Using a Ouija board is basically direct-dialing the Devil (hey, at least it's toll free).

3. Mountain Dew soda is made with a special secret ingredient: bear pee.

4. When someone gets a lobotomy, the doctor opens their head, scrambles up their brain, and then replaces their brain with a banana.

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Sexy to all genders

Recently I took the "Bem Sex-Role Inventory," a psychological survey meant to indicate how masculine or feminine a person is. The results range from "Marilyn Monroe standing over a subway grate" to "Burt Reynolds lying on a bearskin rug." Okay I made up the category titles, but you get the idea.

I was surprised to discover that out of the 121 possible results on the spectrum, I rate EXACTLY in the middle (androgynous). Click here to take the test for yourself and see if you are as perfectly gender neutral as I am (don't get your hopes up).

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Skittles rant

Today I did something I thought I would never do. Today I threw away some Skittles. In the trash. I'm not talking about the stale, have-been-sitting-on-the-liquor-store-shelf-for-ten-years-and-are-hard-as-a-rock variety. These bad-boys were fresh. What would make me do such a thing? Two words: green apple. Also, four more words: taste like chewy garbage.

What the effyouseekay Skittles?! You can mess with the format all you want with all those other flavor bags you put out (sour, tropical, soap detergent, etcetera), but don't mess with the original flavors that put you on the map! Those green apple buggers are junkin' up the mix.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Supermomma!

Yesterday I was reading a comic and my son pointed to the character "Captain Marvel" (a bad-ass female superhero), smiled, and said Momma!



It was cute, except for the fact that he has already identified me as a squishy looking bunny man.  So I guess this what he sees when my wife and I are standing next to each other.



Don't we make an amazing couple?

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Erasehairs!

When I was young, my grandpa (who was awesome) would take me to Toys "R" Us for school supplies (I told you he was awesome) and I would pick out a bunch of cool action figure erasers and scented markers. So when I saw these erasers by designer Chen Lu Wei, I naturally got excited. Every time you use them you change the character's haircut!

Saturday, April 06, 2013

Gender Through Comic Books

I am currently taking part in a massive online class entitled Gender Through Comic Books. I am really enjoying the homework (i.e. reading comics), and it is fascinating to see diverse representations of gender in comic books over time. Here's a treat from 1960.


Used without permission from anyone. Deal with it.

Friday, April 05, 2013

Justice has been served

You know how every landlord that you have ever had has been a total dick? Well my friends, today justice has been served (at least for me).

Our last landlord was a bully who took our security deposit for damages that he knew already existed when we moved in. Well, we dragged that dirtbag to court and the judge put him in his place. Our former landlord was ordered to give us our deposit back plus damages. Take that "The Man!"

Monday, April 01, 2013

Get your head in the game

Whatever you do, DO NOT do the following:

On a Mac, press the "command" key and the "A" key at the same time.
On a PC, press the "control" key and the "A" key at the same time.

Oh my goodness gracious, you did it. Did you even stop for a second to consider the consequences of your actions? What if you had broken the Internet?! What if pushing that button combination would have launched a missile and destroyed the moon?!

Fortunately your rebellious button pushing was not for nothing. I knew that you wouldn't be able to resist, and I thought playing this harmless prank would be a good warm up for whatever tomfoolery your friends and family might have in store for you. Good luck out there today, people!

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Current comics

I am still reading digital comics like a madman. Here are the three series that I am currently enjoying. I never thought I would like these particular titles, but I am surprised how good the story lines are.

Friday, March 29, 2013

Check this sucker out!

Scientists recently caught a giant squid on film for the first time!



New evidence suggests that, rather than having many species of giant squid spread throughout the world, we have one global population - a family of giant squid dwelling in different oceans. Creepy!

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Walmart has the freshest venison

Man allegedly shot buck at Walmart
United Press International (article excerpt) - March 27, 2013

Authorities in Pennsylvania said a man faces charges including reckless endangerment for allegedly shooting a white-tailed deer in a Walmart parking lot.

The Pennsylvania Game Commission said Arcangelo Bianco Jr., 40, used a handgun to shoot the deer in the parking lot of the Resort Plaza Walmart in Blairsville in November and bagged the buck on the other side of the road.

In addition to misdemeanor reckless endangerment, Bianco faces five hunting-related summary charges, including hunting without a license, shooting on or across highways and unlawful killing or taking of big game.

"Obviously, we can't have someone running through a Walmart parking lot shooting at a deer," wildlife conservation officer Jack Lucas said.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

An uncanny resemblance

Okay one last post about my son. If I don't regulate myself this blog could easily become all about how awesome he is. (And he is AWESOME, by the way.)

My son loves books. When he's not busy trying to eat them (see my last post), he likes to point out photos of objects and say their names aloud. He is very smart and gets all of them right . . . except one. Every time we read the book "Pat the Zoo," he points to the dumpy-looking anthropomorphic bunny on the cover and says "Dada!"

Saturday, February 09, 2013

A quote for my baby boy

"Some books are to be tasted, others swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested." - Sir Francis Bacon

Friday, February 08, 2013

Umbrella rant

It's raining here and I'm reminded why I hate umbrellas.

I understand that if you're going to be outside during a monsoon, an umbrella could be handy.  My problem is that in today's modern age, I am never far from a place of shelter.  In the amount of time it takes to open my umbrella, transfer my stuff to my other hand, and awkwardly open my car door while trying not to drop my keys in a puddle, I could have walked back and forth to my car a thousand times (or at least twice).


When I use an umbrella, it seems that all I'm doing is using the top of it to catch water and transfer it into my car or house. Once I get inside, I'm stuck with a wet-ass umbrella.  What do I do with a wet umbrella? I can't put it outside, because it's raining. I can't collapse it and put it away, because it'll mildew. I can't leave it sitting open in my living room because that's just dumb.  Just thinking about it is exhausting.

Sunday, February 03, 2013

I wish I was making this up

If you know me, you know that I am somewhat of a jokester. If you know me well, you know that I am in fact joking when I refer to myself as a "jokester," because I absolutely hate the term. See how much I love to joke?!

A couple of months ago I was walking through the perfume section of a department store while carrying my infant son. As a joke, I stopped and asked a sales lady if they carried perfume for babies. My request was met with the appropriate response of shock/dismay, followed by a laugh once I explained that I was joking. (Note to any wannabe jokesters out there, if you have to explain your joke then you know it was a success.)

A couple of days ago, I saw this:

Dolce & Gabbana launch perfume for babies
New York Daily News (article excerpt) - January 26, 2013

Dolce & Gabbana wants to redefine that fresh-smelling baby scent.

“How can babies smell even sweeter than they already do?” brand impresario Stefano Gabbana asked on Instagram.

The answer: a new fragrance, with notes of citrus, honey, and melon, which the luxury fashion firm designed especially for the stroller set.

“The softness of baby skin, the freshness of baby breath, a mother’s sweet hug, [and] the first smile” were inspirations for the scent, meant to enhance the tot’s natural smell, Gabbana said.

Each 50-ml bottle of perfume is “designed to cuddle and pamper every little boy and girl.”

A bottle of the fragrance will set mothers back about $45.

I can only hope that this is some type of sting operation, attracting horrible people to the sales counter so that they can be given a stern reprimand and a quick "wake up call" slap to the face.

Friday, February 01, 2013

Comics crazy

Lately I have been really into collecting digital comics on my Kindle Fire. I am reading a huge variety of comics and I thought I would share a few of my current favorites. (Each series or collection is represented by one issue cover.)

Some series that I'm currently following:


Collected works and story arcs that I liked:


New stuff I'm trying out:

Sunday, January 06, 2013

Cool label, crap beer (#3)

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

It's 2013!

I came across this ribbon (which was awarded to me in Kindergarten), while going through a box of stuff in my Grandma's garage.



I was about to make a resolution for this year, but how can I possibly top placing "participant" in a cake decorating challenge?

Happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

A nice story for the holidays

Cop gives $100 to needy motorist
United Press International - December 12, 2012

A Plano, Texas, police officer wrapped a traffic ticket for an expired registration in a $100 bill after pulling over a man who was down on his luck.

Hayden Carlo said he was driving when an officer pulled him over for an expired registration. The father of two young children told the officer he had no excuse, except to admit he simply didn't have the money.

"You get paid, pay your bills, and there's your money. It's gone," Carlo told KTVT-TV, Dallas/Fort Worth. "I said 'there's no explanation for why I haven't done it, except I don't have the money.' I said 'it was either feed my kids or get my registration done.' "

The officer, who has asked to remain anonymous, handed Carlo a traffic ticket envelope. Inside was a $100 bill.

Carlo said he's been able to update both his and his wife's registration with the money and is driving back and forth to a new job legally.

"He helped me out when I needed it and I appreciate that. I'll never forget that man," Carlo says. "It definitely restored my faith in God."

Saturday, December 01, 2012

Just a friendly reminder

Thursday, November 01, 2012

Dear Mike Birbiglia

Dear Mike Birbiglia,

I just finished reading your book Sleepwalk With Me, and I wanted to tell you that I thought it was great! In your book you write that you obsessively check Google Alerts for articles that mention your name, so I thought this would be a good way to get in touch with you. If you are reading this it would be really cool if you would write a comment on this post!

In order to make sure that it is the real Mike Birbiglia (and not some Mike Birbiglia poseur), I was thinking that we should have a password. Please use the word "zebra" in your comment - that way I'll know it's really you.

Thanks,

Ryan Danger Sims

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Check yourself before you wreck yourself

So I just opened a new checking account and sweet-talked the banker lady into giving me custom checks for free. Feast your eyes on my selection.



That's right, every check I write from here on out will say "DREAMS DO COME TRUE!" in big bold font, set against a striking leopard print background. You're welcome, America.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Secret

As many of you know, my life has been crazy lately (hence the lack of blog postings). I was about to give up hope, when I saw a package of WD-40 which put everything in perspective.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Cool label, good beer (#4)

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

One more (I couldn't resist)

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, "What's with the paper towel?" The pirate says, "Arrr! I've got a Bounty on me head!"

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Animal jokes

I love the jokes in Reader's Digest. Most of them are not funny, but I am fascinated with the idea that somebody thought they were hilarious enough to publish them. Every once in a while I come across a joke that, as the editors of the magazine would say, "tickles my funny bone." Here are a few.

A man and his dog go to a movie. During the funny scenes the dog laughs. When there's a sad part, the dog cries. This goes on for the entire film: laughing and crying in all the right places.

After the show a man who was sitting in the row behind them comes up and says, "That was truly amazing!"

"It sure was," the dog owner replies. "He hated the book."

A guy drives into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer is there to help. He hitches his horse, Buddy, up to the car and yells, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy doesn't move.

"Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy doesn't budge.

"Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer says, "Pull, Buddy, Pull!" And the horse drags the car out of the ditch.

Curious, the motorist asks the farmer why he kept calling his horse by the wrong name.

"Buddy's blind," said the farmer. And if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."

A guy finds a sheep wandering in his neighborhood and takes it to the police station. The desk sergeant says, "Why don't you just take it to the zoo?"

The next day, the sergeant spots the same guy walking down the street–with the sheep.

"I thought I told you to take that sheep to the zoo," the sergeant says.

"I know what you told me," the guy responds. "Yesterday I took him to the zoo. Today I'm taking him to the movies."

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Cool can cozy collection

It's just a start, but I think this is the beginning of a beautiful collection.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

My new toy

My wife got me a Ken doll for my birthday! It's jet black and about seven inches tall. I spent all day yesterday picking out accessories for it (my Ken doll looks fantastic in leather, by the way). I catch people staring at me when I play with it in public, but I just smile because I know they're jealous.


*Update: I've just been told that the name of my new toy is pronounced Kindle, not "Ken doll." Thanks for nothing, Blogger spell check.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

It's my birthday and I'll blog if I want to

(You would blog too if it happened to you)

Tomorrow is my birthday and I am really really excited and I got a few cards in the mail and I was supposed to wait until tomorrow to open them but I couldn't wait so I opened them and then I saw that I got some money and just had to spend a little so I went to the local beer shop and picked out a couple of twenty-twos to drink on my birthday and I came home and put them in the fridge but I was too excited to wait until tomorrow so I am trying one right now!!!

Did I mention that I'm excited about my birthday?

The beer that I am enjoying right now is called "Pliny the Elder." While buying it I was told that there was a limit of one per customer. Apparently the beer is so sought after that if they don't limit their sales, it would all be bought up immediately. So you can see why I would want to try it as soon as I got home. I'm happy to report that it is good. Hoppy with a crisp, citrusy finish. Did I mention that it's 8% ABV? Go out and track one down!



P.S. I'm feeling a little guilty about drinking so early in the day. I mean, it's four o'clock somewhere. . . .

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Innovative philanthropy

Man donates Kmart inventory to charity
United Press International (article excerpt) - May 18, 2012

A Kentucky businessman who purchased a closing Kmart store's entire inventory and donated it to charity said he hopes the deed inspires others to do good.

Rankin Paynter, the owner of a Winchester firm that buys up surplus goods, said he decided to purchase the closing store's entire inventory -- valued at about $200,000 -- upon learning the store would allow it on the last day of business and he soon decided to donate all of the merchandise to Clark County Community Services, a charity serving low and middle income families in the area, ABC News reported Friday.

"It makes me feel good [to give to charity]," Paynter said. "I come from real poor background. I'm talking really poor."

Paynter said he hopes the attention his donation is receiving will inspire others to give to charity.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

A (super) Sonic rant



The Sonic fast food chain markets itself as "America's Drive-In." I thought that going there would be a fun old fashioned drive-in experience à la American Graffiti. Instead, it turned out to be more like a scene from one of the Saw movies. (I haven't seen them, but I hear they're about people who go to restaurants and get bad service, right?) Anyway, here's what happened.

When I pulled up to the place I was excited - it definitely looked the part. There was a line of parking spots, each space outfitted with its own back-lit menu and shiny speaker-box. I pulled up and ordered a burger combo.

A few minutes later, a shifty looking slacker shuffled out to my car, carrying my food. I couldn't help but notice that he had a pair of roller skates slung over his shoulder. Now, I'm not an expert on old school drive-ins but I'm pretty sure he was supposed to be wearing the roller skates. Anyway, I digress. I eagerly grasped for the tray and asked how to secure it to my car door. He looked genuinely confused and stated that they were not allowed to let customers handle the trays. I asked if they had any type of place-mat or box that I could eat on, and he said "no." He handed me my food in a bag and walked off, leaving me to consider just what exactly was the difference between this "drive-in" and any other "drive through."

After pondering this existential dilemma I decided to go eat at a table in front of the building. I walked over, spread out my food, and realized that I had no ketchup. I got up and tried to go inside the restaurant to get some, but the door was locked. I could see employees inside, but nobody came to the door (I found out later that customers are not allowed inside). So, I had no choice but to trek back across the parking lot. I stood next to my car and awkwardly bent over the speaker-box to ask for some ketchup. The employee agreed to meet me back at my table and I set off to walk back across the lot. (I should mention that later in the meal I ran out of napkins, but I just used the paper bag. I didn't want to spend another five minutes walking back and forth through the parking lot.)

So it turned out to be a pretty far cry from my dream of an American Graffiti experience, unless you count the actual graffiti in the area of the restaurant. I mean, I wasn't expecting Harrison Ford to drive up wearing a cowboy hat (although that would have been awesome). I just thought that it would be at least as convenient as a freakin' drive through.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Gnarley post, brah!

Reuters News recently reported that Garrett McNamara just won the world record for surfing the largest wave ever ridden (a 78 footer)!



That's all fine and well, except that everyone knows that the late, great Bodhisattva rode the most humongous wave ever (in the middle of a 50 year storm, no less). So much for journalistic integrity, Reuters.



In related news, a real-life Johnny Utah is attempting to win a different (but equally bodacious) world record.

Man attempts to set world record fist-pumping 17 hours straight
Yahoo! News (article excerpt) - May 13, 2012

A 34-year-old unemployed man from Ohio attempted to set a Guinness World Record over the weekend by fist pumping for 17 hours straight.

James Peterson began the attempt on Friday morning, according to the Akron Beacon Journal, and was scheduled to end at 3 a.m. local time Saturday. Peterson, a self-described fist-pumping "veteran," was accompanied by a pair of videographers on his quest for the record--which included stops at bars in and around the University of Akron.

"I did this on St. Patrick's Day, but it was not documented," Peterson said, telling the paper that he super-glued his right fist closed "to ensure I maintain perfect fist formation."



Vaya con Dios, Peterson.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Spaghetti and skin horses

Earlier this week I took my wife out to dinner at the Spaghetti Factory. As anyone who has visited one of these restaurants knows, they have some crazy decor. When we arrived we were seated in a booth with a particularly weird painting. The portrait depicted a pale man-child casually leaning against a (stuffed?) pony, tiny whip in hand.

After ordering our appetizers a woman approached us and said that she "needed to take a picture of the painting." She then proceeded to take multiple snapshots of the thing, awkwardly leaning over our table in the process.

Once she left, we had a laugh and went on with our dinner. By this time, our drinks had arrived and I raised my glass to thank my wife for doing our taxes. I recited my toast (which I nailed by the way), and was just about to take a sip of my beer when the crazy lady appeared again. She interrupted us and frantically stated that she needed to take another photo. She explained that she had a "skin horse" at home, and would love to hang a photo of the painting above it. She took a few more shots while muttering to herself and then scurried back to wherever she came from.

And I thought the photo was disturbing. What the hell is a "skin horse," and what is this woman doing constructing some sort of shrine around one?!

I snapped a photo of the painting myself, so that my loyal blog fans could gaze upon it in all of its glory. Feel free to print a copy and hang it above your favorite taxidermied hobbyhorse!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

AdvertiZING

The ad department at Dave & Buster's has done it again. Check out their new enticing offer.



In addition to two $10 gameplay vouchers you get not one, not two, but FOUR boring dinners! It's a wonder this place is still in business.

Sunday, May 06, 2012

Top 5 unhealthy snacks (+ worst ever)

1. Ruffles Cheddar & Sour Cream Chips (w/Onion Dip)
2. Nestle Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookie Ice Cream Sandwich
3. Kraft Sharp Cheddar Easy Cheese (w/Ritz Crackers)
4. Mother's Circus Animal Cookies
5. Hostess Orange CupCakes

Worst: Peeps

Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!

Friday, May 04, 2012

Top 5 healthy snacks (+ worst ever)

1. Jack Link's Original Beef Jerkey
2. CowPals Light String Cheese
3. Triscuit Reduced Fat Crackers
4. Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheats Cereal (w/skim milk)
5. Thomas' Light Multi-Grain English Muffins (w/Just Fruit jam)

Worst: Banana Power Bar

Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!

Thursday, May 03, 2012

Mini-rants

1. It sucks when your laptop dies because you forgot to plug in both sides of the cord (it's plugged into the laptop or the wall, not both).

2. They should change the name of the "world famous" radio station KROQ to GDFF, because all they play is Green Day and Foo Fighters.

3. I hate it when people won't accept payment for an item when you're a penny short. Like when you try to buy something that costs $5.01 with a five dollar bill, and the checker won't budge until you pull out another dollar. I'm like, "get real, dude."

4. What's the deal with all the jerks walking around in the world? I mean, why do they have so be such jerks?!