The Sanjaya conspiracy

I'M DOING MY PART. . . .

Survival guide

The African safari video game I bought came with a free subscription to Field and Stream magazine! This mag is nuts. It has tons of info on how to survive in the wilderness, shoot guns, etc. Here are some of the actual topics covered in this month's issue:

How to camouflage yourself with a wine cork

How to crap like a cat

Kill small animals with a "backcountry deathstar"

Make a fire with soda and a candy bar

Would you rather . . .

Debbie got me a fantastic book the other day. It has 404 life choices that inspire intellectual conversation. Here is an example:

"Would you rather . . . as a man, have your testicles eaten off by a squirrel or you eyeballs pecked out by a bird?"

Discuss.

Top 5 premium cigars (+ worst ever)

1. Cohiba (Cuban Robusto)
2. Diamond Crown (Natural Robusto)
3. Ashton (Classic Magnum)
4. La Unica (Natural Robusto)
5. Partagas (Cuban Robusto)

Worst: Punch (Honduran Double Maduro)

Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!

The best thing about Disneyland

If you have not had one of these corn dogs you have not lived.

The worst thing about Disneyland

Memory loss

The memory card for my PlayStation 2 got corrupted. I spent hours recovering game data. Then I hit the memory card with a hammer.

The face of a savage

So this hunting game I got for the PS2 is pretty cool but it does have some minor bugs. Sometimes the hunter's face gets all whacked out.

Crazy hobo ransacks museum

Man in WWII uniform attacks 2 at museum
Associated Press (article excerpt) - March 21, 2007

A man dressed in a World War II military uniform attacked two employees at the Evergreen Aviation Museum this week, police said. McMinnville Police Capt. Dennis Marks said Gerald Lahey, a transient, broke into the rear of the building and smashed the glass panel of a display case. He then removed the coat, hat and pants from a World War II uniform and put them on.

Lahey was inside when operations director Phillip Jeager, 33, of McMinnville and cafe manager Cheryl McKay, 62, of Sheridan arrived for work Monday morning. Marks said Lahey punched Jeager several times and bit McKay.

Neither employee required hospitalization.

Museum spokeswoman Nicole Wahlberg said Lahey got into one of the museum's airplanes. He is also accused of pulling a fire alarm and knocking a television set to the floor. Four windows were boarded up after the incident.

Lahey was booked into the Yamhill County Jail on charges of assault, criminal mischief, burglary, robbery and resisting arrest, Marks said. He was lodged in the jail infirmary due to mental health concerns, and was arraigned Tuesday.

Blackjack strategery

Freaky Friday

A video of a crazy dancing skeleton that I shot a long time ago.

Ladies?

Look what I found at the Rite Aid pharmacy:

Billion-dollar bills

According to a recent AP news article, a bunch of people in Texas got billion-dollar electric bills this month due to a printing mistake. One guy got a bill for over $24 billion!

I wish my electric company would send me a bill like that. What a great thing to post on your fridge.

My art degree just paid for itself

I made these personalized 40's for a few of my friends.

Some guys have all the luck. . . .

Man charged after shooting his foot
Associated Press - February 13, 2007

Sheboygan County prosecutors hope to add imprisonment to injury. They charged a 31-year-old man Monday with being a felon in possession of a firearm after he shot himself in the foot Friday.

Patrick R. Hupf Jr. was cleaning the trigger of a .22-caliber rifle when it fired and hit him in the right foot, according to a criminal complaint.

Hupf said the gun belonged to his father, the complaint said. Hupf's father told police that his son forgot to check the chamber before cleaning the gun. He called 911 and had Hupf taken to the hospital, police said.

Hupf faces up to five years in prison and a fine of up to $25,000.

Clean your microwave (you dirty bastard)

How to clean your microwave:

Put lemon slices in a bowl full of water & cook on high for 3-5 minutes. This steams up the walls of the microwave and allows you to easily wipe away food and grease. It also leaves a nice smell.

Our tax dollars at work

I recently received this in the mail. I'm not sure what upsets me more; the fact that the Postal Service is sending me junk mail or the thought that our tax dollars are being used to buy Cathy cartoons.

More bad interviews

Here are some more interview responses. I swear these are real.

Applicant #1:
Q: How would you handle a student that was misbehaving or refusing to do their work?
A: "A small amount of personal abuse. I would use negative re-enforcement and personal disapproval, depending on the amount of authority your company gives me."

Applicant #2:
Q: When speaking to the parents of a student, what do you feel is the most appropriate way to discuss their child's progress (or lack thereof)?
A: "Don't tell them that you hate their kids, even if that is something you really feel or want to eventually prove. . . ."

Noncents

According to a recent New York Times article, the US Mint now spends 1.73 cents for every penny and 8.74 cents for every nickel it makes.

Don't mess with Texas. No . . . seriousley.

Bill would allow legally blind Texans to hunt
Associated Press (article excerpt) - December 12, 2006

A state lawmaker wants to make sure no Texan is left out when it comes to hunting, even if the hunter is legally blind.

Rep. Edmund Kuempel, a Seguin Republican, has filed a bill for the 2007 legislative session that would allow legally blind hunters to use a laser sight, or lighted pointing instrument. The devices are forbidden for sighted hunters.

Blind hunters would also have to have a sighted hunter along with them, but they could hunt any game that sighted people can hunt in the same seasons and using the same weapons.