Babies Backwards “R” Us

Last month I went to Babies "R" Us to shop for a baby shower gift with my wife. I have always been curious about this store because of what its name implies. Toys "R" Us sells toys so I’ve always assumed that Babies "R" Us would be chock full of women racing around, filling their shopping carts with economically priced newborns (buy one get one half off!).

After visiting the store I am sad to report that I was wrong. Not only were there no toddlers for sale, but a lot of the stuff they were selling was absolutely ridiculous. The products that stood out as the most absurd were the shoes designed for newborns. You heard right, shoes for babies that cannot yet walk. Check these bad boys out:


Guess Infant Navy Hi Top With G Insignia
Price: $29.99 - Recommended Age: Birth to 3 months

Perfect for when your lil' thug gets caught slippin' and has to sprint away from da cops!

I got dict on my test

While reviewing case studies for the RICA (a teacher qualifying exam) I ran across the following instructional strategy:



Yeah, I think I'll pass on giving that lesson. . . .

Cool label, good beer (#2)

Another quick joke

Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Wanna go ride bikes?

Peggle can make you crazy

I thought this only happened in movies

Man bites python
Reuters - April 15, 2009

A Kenyan man bit a python who wrapped him in its coils and hauled him up a tree in a struggle that lasted hours, local media said Wednesday.

Farm manager Ben Nyaumbe was working at the weekend when the serpent, apparently hunting for livestock, struck in the Malindi area of Kenya's Indian Ocean coast.

"I stepped on a spongy thing on the ground and suddenly my leg was entangled with the body of a huge python," he told the Daily Nation newspaper.

When the snake coiled itself round his upper body, Nyaumbe resorted to desperate measures: "I had to bite it."

The python dragged him up a tree, but when it eased its grip, Nyaumbe said he was able to take a mobile phone out of his pocket and phone for help.

When his supervisor came with a policeman, Nyaumbe smothered the snake's head with his shirt, while the rescuers tied it with a rope and pulled.

"We both came down, landing with a thud," said Nyaumbe, who survived with damaged lips and bruising.

The snake escaped from the three sacks it was bundled into.

Gastropod joke

A guy hears a knock at his door. When he answers it, there’s nobody there, but there’s a snail on the welcome mat. Frustrated, the guy picks up the snail and hurls it into the street.

Five years go by, and there’s another knock at the door. The man answers it, and again there’s no one standing there, but there’s a snail on the welcome mat.

The snail looks up and says, “What the hell was that all about?”

Quick and crazy facts

FACT: Dr. Seuss wrote Green Eggs and Ham after his editor bet him $50 that he couldn't write a book using fifty different words or less. Dr. Seuss won the bet (the story contains fifty different words).
SOURCE: Snopes.com

FACT: Singer Sheryl Crow was born Bertha Hogswater. She changed her name shortly after graduating high school.
SOURCE: The Biography Channel

FACT: The number of drunk people in the world at any given moment is estimated at 46,948,952.
SOURCE: Maxim Magazine

Top 5 nicknames (+ worst ever)

1. T-Bone
2. Slim
3. Chief
4. Slick
5. Hoss

Worst: Sport

Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!

Update: John Mayer is still a tool

I have been keeping close tabs on the situation and I am happy to report that John Mayer is still trying to be a modern day Confucius. Check out some of his latest musings on Twitter:

The reason I do not own a bow

Minn. man charged after playing 'Rambo' with bow
Associated Press (article excerpt) - April 9, 2009

A man was charged with a felony after prosecutors alleged he tried to impress a woman by firing arrows at his neighbors' homes with a powerful bow. Police found arrows in the siding of townhomes in the man's complex on Saturday. Another arrow went through a patio door, shattering the glass.

The charges allege the 30-year-old man was "extremely intoxicated" when questioned by police. So was his female friend.

She allegedly told investigators that they had been drinking all night before the man grabbed his bow and walked onto the deck. She thought he wanted to "play Rambo."

Finally, some instructions!

Doctor joke

A woman is in her doctor's office when suddenly she whispers, "Doctor, kiss me!"

The Doctor looks at her and says, “No, that is totally out of the question."

A few minutes later the woman again says, "Doctor, please, kiss me just once!" The doctor responds, "I’m sorry but it would be totally unethical to kiss you. In fact, we probably shouldn’t even be having sex right now.”

Cool label, good beer

Cool label, crap beer

Twitter

Recently I have been hearing a lot about "Twitter," a micro-blogging site where people obsessively report their every little action. I checked it out and found that the service is basically for self-important egomaniacs who think everyone wants to hear about every time they eat a burrito. So, naturally I signed up for an account.

The first update I got was from John Mayer. He thinks he's super profound but he's about as deep as a kiddie pool. Check out his latest musings:



What a toolbox. If you are interested in stalking me, visit http://twitter.com/ryandangersims.

Does American Greetings know something we don't?

Employee of the month

Police: Woman drugs boss's coffee so he'll 'chill'
Associated Press (article excerpt) - March 13, 2009

Police said a woman has been arrested for allegedly slipping some tranquilizers into her boss's coffee because she felt "he needed to chill out." Police said the 24-year-old woman admitted to detectives that she slipped the drugs into veteranarian John Duckett's drink. Officers said Duckett knew something was wrong shortly after drinking some of the coffee Tuesday morning.

Top 5 coolest celebrities

1. Harrison Ford (1977)
2. Neil Patrick Harris
3. Paul Rudd
4. Tina Fey
5. Stephen Colbert

Cold as ice: Chris Dane Owens

Thank you to everyone that contributed. Who knew there were so many cool celebrities out there?

Top 5 coolest celebrities (in progress)

Okay people, I need your help. Please submit the names of people you consider to be the "coolest celebrities" by clicking the "comments" link below. I will review the submissions and use them to compile my "top 5" list. Man, I am using a lot of "quotations" in this "post."

Before you submit, please observe the following rules:

1) You can post as many or as few times as you like but I need at least 5 different people to post before I publish the list.

2) If anyone submits Shia LaBeouf as a candidate, they will be automatically disqualified.

Now giddy up and start posting!