Cool label, good beer (#3)

O.M.Gosh

I thought that we were finally in a place as a society where we didn't discriminate against people based on race. I was wrong. While doing my laundry yesterday I happened to glance at the instructions on the back of my detergent bottle. I was shocked to discover that my detergent, while being "eco-friendly," is not a proponent of racial equality.

What's next? Segregated tanning salons? Separate but equal soul food restaurants?

I know that some would argue that the instructions are referring to the color of the clothes that are being washed, but should we really be separating "whites" and "coloreds" in any situation? I for one, launder all my clothing together in a veritable "melting pot" of soiled linens. Sure, my clothes are a muddled mess, but it's a small price to pay to be a walking beacon of racial tolerance.

Completed art sites

Hey blog fans! I'm working on some fabulous new blog entries, but I'm pretty busy and it may take me a while to post them. In the meantime you should check out the art sites that I recently completed.

Our Valuables
I just finished editing and posting 18 submissions that I received before the site went on hiatus. Go check out the new (backdated) photos!

linkinglog
I recently updated about 100 links and completed the project. I also added an "about this project" link to explain the history and evolution of the site.

The Invisiblog
If you haven't already contributed (or even if you have), go make a comment or two on my invisible blog. Don't worry if you can't see the posts - just get creative and comment on what you think I might have written about. . . .

Fictitious fat cats

Ladies and gentlemen I give you the The Forbes Fictional 15.  The people over at Forbes have dedicated their time and resources to create a list of the world's "richest fictional characters." At first I thought the article was a joke, but after perusing the site I realized that the magazine's pencil-pushing poindexters take it very seriously.  The "candidates" must meet a strict set of criteria in order to be included, and their worth is painstakingly calculated using complex mathematical equations.

I'm happy to see that McDuck is still ballin' like a boss.

The Forbes Fictional 15
1. Scrooge McDuck (Uncle Scrooge comics) = $44.1 billion
2. Carlisle Cullen (Twilight) = $36.2 billion
3. Artemis Fowl II (Artemis Fowl novels) = $13.5 billion
4. Richie Rich (Richie Rich comics) = $9.7 billion
5. Jed Clampett (The Beverly Hillbillies) = $9.5 billion
6. Tony Stark (Iron Man) = $9.4 billion
7. Smaug (The Hobbit) = $8.6 billion
8. Bruce Wayne (Batman) = $7.0 billion
9. Mr. Monopoly (Monopoly games) = $2.6 billion
10. Arthur Bach (Arthur films) = $1.8 billion
11. Jo Bennett (The Office) = $1.2 billion
12. C. Montgomery Burns (The Simpsons) = $1.1 billion
13. Chuck Bass (Gossip Girl) = $1.1 billion
14. Gordon Gekko (Wall Street) = $1.1 billion
15. Jeffrey Lebowski (The Big Lebowski) = $1.0 billion

[Insert manhole joke here]

Dear sewer worker dude/dudette,

First off, thank you for your diligent work keeping the alligators from escaping the sewers. I have yet to spot one in my neighborhood.

Secondly, I wanted to ask if it would be possible for you to make sure that the manhole covers are straight the next time you crawl up out of the sewer. I know that this may seem trivial to you, but when the lines don't line up, it drives me a little crazy. Like when iTunes lists one artist in your library twice because of a spelling error, or when you notice that the little ceramic penguin in your study is no longer facing due south.

I'm doing my part. I always cut up the little plastic soda ties before I flush them down my toilet, and I hardly ever turd in the gutter. I'll keep scratching your back if you'll scratch mine (metaphorically of course, I know where your hands have been).

Thank you so much for understanding,

Ryan Danger Sims, B.A., O.C.D.

P.S. Say hi to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for me!

Happy New Year (we're all gonna die)!

It's officially 2012! Enjoy yourself because on December 21st everyone is going to drop dead. Don't believe me? Consider the knowledge that one of the greatest minds of our time, rapper "Lil' Wayne," dropped during an interview with Blender magazine.

"The world is about to end in 2012 . . . ’cause the Mayans made calendars, and they stop at 2012. I got encyclopedias on the bus. The world is about to end as we know it. You can see it already. A planet doesn't exist - there's no more Pluto. Mosquitos bite you and you die."



According to Forbes, Lil' "earned" $15 million last year. If that's not an omen that the world is coming to an end, I don't know what is.

Lightsaber 1, Tazer 0

Oregon man arrested in light saber [sic] attack

United Press International (article excerpt) - December 16, 2011

Police in Oregon said they arrested a man accused of assaulting fellow Toys R Us customers with a toy light saber.

Portland police said officers responded to the store at 9:51 p.m. Wednesday on a report of a man attacking customers with the "Star Wars" toy, and they arrived to find the man swinging the light saber around in the parking lot and shouting incoherent statements.

An officer used a Taser on the man, but he was able to use the light saber to break one of the wires, police said. They said the man was tackled to the ground and continued to struggle while being taken into custody.

What the?

I was flipping channels the other day and noticed something disturbing. Check out the programming on the Science Channel:

Just what the hell are those nerds planning?!

Little known facts

A man named David Rice Atchison was once president of the US.

He was only president for a few minutes due to a technicality but his gravestone proudly proclaims that he was president for a day in 1849.

Frank Sinatra didn't write his signature song "My Way."

The melody is based on a French song entitled "Comme d'habitude." Paul Anka heard the song while vacationing in Paris. He bought the publishing rights and tailored the lyrics for Sinatra.

St. Patrick was not Irish.

He was born in Britannia, a Roman province that later became what we know as England. He was captured by Irish raiders when he was 16 and taken to Ireland where he was a slave for six years. He escaped but later returned to spread the Christian gospel.

The song "Puff, the Magic Dragon" is not about smoking weed.

The lyrics were originally penned as a poem in 1959 by a Cornell University student, writing about the sad end to his carefree childhood.

The expression "sweating like a pig" doesn't make sense.

Pigs have no sweat glands and can't sweat at all, which is why they attempt to lower their body temperature by wallowing in mud.

The Olympic Games used to include artistic challenges.

Cultural events ran side-by-side with athletics during both the ancient and modern Olympics. The roster of events included architecture, painting, sculpture, music and literature up through the 1948 games.

Most grown cats are lactose intolerant.

Once kittens are weaned, they no longer need milk in their diets. Cats like the taste of milk and will drink it, but it can give them stomach pain and continuous diarrhea which can endanger their health.

The "cracking" sound of a whip is due to the whip breaking the sound barrier.

A sonic boom is created when the extreme tip of the whip snaps out to its full length. That's what she said. Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Duck hunt gone awry

Dog Shoots Duck Hunter From Behind

KTLA News (article excerpt) - December 1, 2011

A duck hunter is recovering from minor wounds he suffered when he was shot in the buttocks by his partner's dog over the weekend, law enforcement authorities said on Thursday.

The two hunting partners had stopped their boat in a marsh area where their duck decoys were placed to retrieve a duck they had shot, and the man laid his 12-gauge shotgun across the bow of the vessel and stepped into the shallow water.

"The dog jumped into the boat and was stepping over the shotgun and made it discharge somehow. The guy was still walking away from the boat and he took it in the buttocks," said Box Elder County Sheriff Chief Deputy Kevin Potter.

The stricken hunter was taken to Brigham City Hospital, where medical personnel removed 27 shotgun pellets from his backside.

I imagine that the dog looked something like this:

It's that time of year again

Games I just got:

Games I want next:

Another fantastic bumper sticker

E1even, e1even, etcetera

1t's officia11y 11:11:11 on 11/11/11!

This phenomenon happens on1y once in a 1ifetime!

(Un1ess you have access to a time machine or find the ho1y grai1.)

Vanna White is a genius

Okay, maybe "genius" is going a little too far, but consider the following:

You know how when you're unrolling tinfoil (or plastic wrap) the stupid tube comes out of the box and bounces on the counter and then it falls on the dirty kitchen floor and you try to roll the foil back onto the cardboard tube but your hand slips and you cut your finger on the stupid metal teeth on the box and instead of wrapping your leftover lasagna you end up crushing a dirty ball of tinfoil in your bloody mangled hand while cursing whatever idiot invented the stupid tinfoil box?

Well, those days are over my friend. I was watching "The Wheel" the other day and Vanna White shared a helpful hint. Apparently there are tabs at the ends of tinfoil (and plastic wrap) boxes that you are supposed to press inwards. These tabs hold the roll in place and help prevent the aforementioned tragedy from occurring.

Puzzle Bobble

Puzzle Bobble is an arcade classic! Click the image below to play.

For those of you who are not familiar with the game, the object is to make all of the bubbles on the screen disappear. Click the "Start" button onscreen to begin playing. Use the left and right arrows on your keyboard to move the launching device on the bottom of the screen. Press the up arrow on your keyboard to fire a bubble. When you match three or more bubbles of the same color they will pop (dropping any bubbles that are hanging beneath them). Have fun!

Super Survey results

If you could choose one superpower, what would it be?

Super strength ________________________ 0 votes (0%)

Telepathy (read minds, control people)_ 2 votes (13%)

Shape shifting_________________________ 0 votes (0%)

Ability to fly_________________________ 2 votes (13%)

Invisibility___________________________ 2 votes (13%)

Telekinesis (move things w/your mind)__ 2 votes (13%)

Ability to heal others/self____________ 5 votes (33%)

Super speed____________________________ 0 votes (0%)

Teleportation__________________________ 2 votes (13%)

Ability to control the elements________ 0 votes (0%)

Thank you to everyone who voted!

Enjoy your pizza

According to USA Today, Halloween is one of the top 5 pizza days of the year.  Can you guess the other four days?

(Answers are in the "comments" section of this post.)

I love this art project

In her project entitled Back to the Future, artist Irina Werning takes old photographs and recreates them using the same scenes with the same people later in their lives. I posted some of my favorites below. Click any image to view the entire collection.

Water rant

I hate drinking water. Not "drinking water" specifically, but the act of drinking water.  It tastes like nothing. Actually, that isn't true. It tastes like spit. Don't believe me? Swallow some of your spit and then take a drink of water. That's what I thought.

Drinking water is soooo boring. Most people don't agree with me on this issue. When I tell people that I hate water they usually respond by saying something like, "But you need it to live!" or "What are you, some kind of an idiot?" Well, I've done some research that may shock and amaze you all.  Did you know that water is the number one cause of death by drowning?  I think I've made my point.

Top 5 breakfast cereals (+ worst ever)

1. Cap'n Crunch's Oops! All Berries
2. Reese's Puffs
3. Frosted Mini-Wheats
4. Fruit Loops
5. Frosted Flakes

Worst: All-Bran

Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!