Panda porn?

Panda "Porn" to Boost Mating Efforts at Thai Zoo
National Geographic News - November 13, 2006

A Thai zoo is hoping that "panda pornography" will spark romance between its two giant pandas, which were married by proxy last November in an elaborate Chinese-style ceremony.

Chuang Chuang and Lin Hui have called Thailand's Chiang Mai Zoo home for the past four years. Zoo officials had hoped that the warm Thai climate would spark the pandas' hormones and trigger their desire to mate.

But the animals, on loan from China for ten years, have yet to start a family.

A first mating attempt earlier this year failed to produce offspring, and the pandas have remained platonic pals since then - prompting officials to launch their unique plan.

"They don't know how to mate, so we need to show the male how through videos," project chief Prasertsak Buntrakoonpoontawee told the Reuters news service.

Chuang Chuang, the six-year-old male, will view films of other mating pandas when scientists judge him to be relaxed and receptive - perhaps just after a tasty dinner.

If all goes well, the racy video will be both instructional and inspirational, showing Chuang Chuang the reproductive ropes and causing him to see five-year-old Lin Hui in an entirely different light.

Guitar Hero II

1 Guitar Hero II game for PS2 + 2 guitar controllers + 2 controller extension cables + 1 new 24" flat-tube stereo TV = a gazillion kick-ass jam sessions at our house!

Smooth pick-up lines

Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!

Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

Do you know karate? Because your body is kickin'!

If I were a fly, I'd be all over you. Because you're the shit!

Profound engravings

Students write interesting things on their desks when no one is watching. One of the most recent engravings I read was "Thugs 4 Life.” I think this is nice. I mean, "Thugs 4 Death" would be a lot tougher but it is refreshing to know that this gang went the other way. I wonder what their initiation is like - "Yo, you gotta resuscitate this fool before we even THINK about letting you join our crew!"

Another student drew a pentagram and wrote "Satin!" underneath. I know this was probably a spelling error but I like to think that the student is a member of a secret cult devoted to the worship of luxurious fabrics. . . .

Top 5 friends (+ worst ever)

Just kidding (this ain't MySpace sucka)!

Hand painting

Hand paintings by Italian artist Guido Daniele:

Idioms

Chip on his shoulder
This is reported as originating with the nineteenth century U.S. practice of spoiling for a fight by carrying a chip of wood on one's shoulder, daring others to knock it off.

Dog days
The ancient Romans noticed that the hottest days of the year, i.e. in late July and early August, coincided with the appearance of Sirius - the Dog Star, in the same part of the sky as the Sun.

Baker's dozen
This phrase originated from the practice of medieval English bakers giving an extra loaf when selling a dozen in order to avoid being penalized for selling short weight.

Turn the tables
Tables used to be the name for backgammon. The phrase comes from the practice of reversing the board so that players play from their opponent's previous position.

Mad as a hatter
Mercury used to be used in the making of hats. This was known to have affected the nervous systems of hatters, causing them to tremble and appear insane.

Information in this posting was taken from www.phrases.org.uk

A smoking monkey

Chimpanzee Told To Stop Smoking
Reuters - April 14, 2005

A South African zoo is trying to persuade its star chimpanzee to kick a bad smoking habit.

Charlie, a grown male chimp and the Bloemfontein Zoo, has been picking up cigarettes thrown to him by visitors and smoking them - a habit he probably picked up by observing humans, zoo officials told the SAPA news agency on Thursday."

Baby chimps pick up habits by mimicking adults and we think he started mimicking smokers at his enclosure which probably led to smokers throwing him cigarettes," spokesman Daryl Barnes told SAPA.

Barnes said Charlie was already showing the signs of a true nicotine addict.

"He even acts like a naughty schoolboy by hiding the cigarette when staff approach the area," Barnes said, adding that the zoo was determined to help him quit.

Barnes said the most important thing was that people stop providing Charlie with cigarettes or any other treats, noting the chimp already had three bad teeth because of all the cans of sweet soft drinks that people throw at him.

Charlie is not the only smoking chimpanzee. A zoo in the Chinese city of Zhengzhou reported last year that one of its chimps had taken up smoking and was desperately cadging cigarette butts off visitors.

Top 5 rides at Disneyland (+ worst ever)

1. Pirates of the Caribbean (before the 2006 renovation)
2. Indiana Jones Adventure
3. Space Mountain
4. Splash Mountain
5. Peter Pan's Flight

Worst: King Arthur Carrousel

Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!

F#*%in' Starbucks

Watch "The Kid from Brooklyn" rant about his experience at a Starbucks. This clip is hilarious!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I was looking for a picture of a turkey to post for Thanksgiving and this is what came up in my Google Image Search. Looks delicious!



Hope you enjoy your holiday!

Are you ready for Thanksgiving?

Winning Streak Continues For Champion Eater
Associated Press - February 2, 2006

A 100-pound woman ate 26 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes at a New York restaurant, winning the World Grilled Cheese Eating Championship.

Sonya Thomas won $8,000 for the contest at the Planet Hollywood restaurant in Times Square on Wednesday but said she was disappointed in her performance.

"I could have done better," she said, adding that she was aiming for 30 sandwiches.


Thomas, who is known as the "Black Widow" on the competitive circuit, says she has a naturally big stomach capacity and heavily soaked her sandwiches in water to make them easier to swallow.

She holds numerous world eating records, including 46 dozen oysters in 10 minutes, 11 pounds of cheesecake in 9 minutes, 48 chicken tacos in 11 minutes, 37 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes and 56 hamburgers in 8 minutes.

The event was organized by GoldenPalace.com, an Internet casino and poker room.

Video Game Bonanza!

Yesterday we threw a "video game party." A bunch of cool people came over to eat, drink and go video game crazy.

We had the Wii, a PlayStation 2, a GameCube, and a Nintendo 64 set up - each with 4 controllers and a TV. People took turns rocking the joint on Guitar Hero, which was hooked up to stereo speakers and 2 guitars.

Thanks to everyone that came and participated. It was a blast!

I wish I was at home right now

Wiiiiiiiiii

I was in line in front of Best Buy from 1:30 yesterday afternoon until 8:30 this morning. That is 19 hours in line bitches! I did this to get the new Nintendo Wii and it was well worth it. I was able to choose from any games and accessories I wanted because out of the almost 100 people in line, I was #6.

I got the Wii, a memory card, 4 controllers, 4 nunchuk attachments, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, Red Steel, Super Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz and Nintendo Sports (which came with the system). It's on fools!

Linguistic Profile Test

I found a test that breaks down the type of American English you speak. My results are below (click here to take the test for yourself).

My Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

20% Yankee

15% Upper Midwestern

5% Dixie

0% Midwestern

Hidden cell phone antennas

Cell phone antennas are being disguised as trees, cacti, gas station signs, boulders, and even church steeples!

I know you can't see the antenna in the cross but I swear it's there. I got these photos from the website of a company that installs the equipment.

Pretty scary eh?

I am soooo tough.

Here are all the times I can remember being injured in my life, listed in chronological order for your entertainment:

- Stuck a key in an electrical socket while trying to start an imaginary car. The key melted, I was shot 10 feet down the hallway, a hole was burned into the carpet where I was sitting and my finger turned black. The wall socket still has burn marks on it after 26 years.

- Fell in the bathtub and cracked my chin open. Had to get stitches.

- Fell off of a bunk-bed onto a hardwood floor. The railing fell off and hit me in the head once I was on the ground and I had a huge knot in my forehead for a week.

- Pencil stabbed into my leg when I fell down a hill. My grandpa had to pull an inch-long piece of wood from my leg.

- Caught a metal piece of a sliding glass door between my smallest toes while running through the house (on crutches for a month).

- Fell onto a screw sticking out of the metal molding that attached our carpet to the linoleum in our kitchen. Had to get stitches in my knee.

- Crashed through a garage on a bike and hit the back wall. My bike landed on my head after I had landed on the ground. I fractured my clavicle and had to wear a sling for a month.

- Smashed through a wooden fence while riding a go-cart. I bit through my lower lip and had to get stitches.

- Split my head open on a toy metal basketball hoop while going up for a jump shot and had to get stitches in my head.

- Got stung by some type of mutant sea anemone while diving in Greece and had to have a small chunk taken out of my arm (had a bibopsy + stitches).

- Fell while mountain biking in Tahoe. I split my helmet on a rock, got a concussion, got a piece of wood lodged in my palm, pissed myself and got hauled off in an ambulance.

- Tried to jump a brick wall but ended up splitting my shin. I went to the ER the next day and they said it was too late for stitches (and now I have a reoccurring pain in my leg).

If anyone has any interesting injury stories to share, by all means submit a comment!

My "book quiz" results

I took the "book quiz" that's going around MySpace and decided to post my results here in my blog (down with MySpace!). Here are my results:

You're Anarchy, State, and Utopia!
by Robert Nozick

If it were up to you, there would probably be no government at all. But then you'd have to deal with there being no government, and nobody likes that. So you've decided that hiring a few security guards is okay. Getting rid of that nasty tax collector would sure be nice, though. He keeps getting in the way of you making the money you so richly deserve! Everyone who believes in you happens to be fairly well off.

My response: I have never read this book but it looks pretty kick-ass. The description of me is pretty off-base though. I would prefer an anarcho-syndicalist political system, I am okay with taxes as long as they are used for education and social programs (not war), I have no intention of ever hiring a security guard and most of my friends are poor bastards like me. Otherwise it’s spot-on!

Click here to take the book quiz

The worst interview ever!

Yesterday I gave interviews to two of the worst applicants I have ever seen. Here is a factual account of what happened:

Applicant #1:
This person arrived 10 minutes late to his interview. When I asked him about his tardiness he told me that “the thing was broke.” When I asked him to elaborate he said, “the thing on the garage is broke.” He then turned to me with a confused and slightly irritated look on his face and said “I was only 10 minutes late, right?”

I responded by telling him that 10 minutes is a significant amount of time to be late to an interview. He did not apologize. Instead he assured me that "if the thing would have worked" he would have been 5 minutes early.

Here are his responses to questions I asked during the interview:

Q: Why do you want to become a tutor?
A: "I tutored before and I sort of liked doing it."

Q: What do you anticipate to be some challenges when tutoring students in a one-on-one environment?
A: "If they had a hard question and I stumbled on it. That would be like . . . you know?"

I called this person today to let him know that we are unable to hire him. He got upset with me and told me that "people have bad days" and that he should be able to work for us because he "wants the job."

Applicant #2:
This individual showed up dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and was also 10 minutes late. On the way in to the interview he stopped me to ask if his dad could get a job with us too. His father was apparently waiting for him in the parking lot and wanted an application.

Here are his responses to questions I asked during the interview:

Q: Why do you want to become a tutor?
A: "I am not a greedy person. I want to share my golden treasure of knowledge with the next generation."

Q: What motivates you to succeed?
A. "I don’t want to be an outcast of society. . . ."

Q. What do you feel is the appropriate way to talk with parents about a student's performance?
A. "I don’t mean to crush their hopes, it’s just that not every child is perfect. . . ."

Q. How would you challenge a slow learner?
A. "I would give him problems that are too difficult for him and aim towards his weaknesses – like exposing someone with a phobia to the thing that scares them in order to make them better. I would expose his problems to give him strength."