Source: Maxim Magazine
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
I'm losing it
Last night in class I was so delirious that I think I may have made a bad impression. During a peer presentation project I was asked to compose a brief biography on a man named John Bidwell. I shared my finished product with my group and they were not impressed. Apparently, while Bidwell was born in 1819 and did run for governor of California in 1880, he did not “eat two extra large Domino’s pizzas at one sitting on a dare,” nor did he “invent the iPod” as I so vehemently claimed.
Only 9 days left to go in my horrible teaching credential program. Wish me luck!
Only 9 days left to go in my horrible teaching credential program. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Not cool
Toilet snake attack: urban legend comes true?
Reuters (article excerpt) - May 11, 2009
A Taiwanese man became a sitting target for a snake, which bit his penis as sat on the toilet at his rural home, local media reported on Monday.
"As soon as he sat down, he suddenly felt a knife-like pain and reacted instinctively by standing up," the China Times said. "When he looked down, he saw the big snake."
The 51-year-old man, from Nantou County, was under medical care with minor injuries, a director at Puli Christian Hospital said.
Local television images showed the black and yellow reptile, reportedly a species of rat snake, being uncoiled and plucked slowly from the toilet bowl.
Reuters (article excerpt) - May 11, 2009
A Taiwanese man became a sitting target for a snake, which bit his penis as sat on the toilet at his rural home, local media reported on Monday.
"As soon as he sat down, he suddenly felt a knife-like pain and reacted instinctively by standing up," the China Times said. "When he looked down, he saw the big snake."
The 51-year-old man, from Nantou County, was under medical care with minor injuries, a director at Puli Christian Hospital said.
Local television images showed the black and yellow reptile, reportedly a species of rat snake, being uncoiled and plucked slowly from the toilet bowl.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Friday, May 01, 2009
Babies Backwards “R” Us
Last month I went to Babies "R" Us to shop for a baby shower gift with my wife. I have always been curious about this store because of what its name implies. Toys "R" Us sells toys so I’ve always assumed that Babies "R" Us would be chock full of women racing around, filling their shopping carts with economically priced newborns (buy one get one half off!).
After visiting the store I am sad to report that I was wrong. Not only were there no toddlers for sale, but a lot of the stuff they were selling was absolutely ridiculous. The products that stood out as the most absurd were the shoes designed for newborns. You heard right, shoes for babies that cannot yet walk. Check these bad boys out:
Guess Infant Navy Hi Top With G Insignia
Price: $29.99 - Recommended Age: Birth to 3 months
Perfect for when your lil' thug gets caught slippin' and has to sprint away from da cops!
After visiting the store I am sad to report that I was wrong. Not only were there no toddlers for sale, but a lot of the stuff they were selling was absolutely ridiculous. The products that stood out as the most absurd were the shoes designed for newborns. You heard right, shoes for babies that cannot yet walk. Check these bad boys out:
Guess Infant Navy Hi Top With G Insignia
Price: $29.99 - Recommended Age: Birth to 3 months
Perfect for when your lil' thug gets caught slippin' and has to sprint away from da cops!
Monday, April 27, 2009
I got dict on my test
While reviewing case studies for the RICA (a teacher qualifying exam) I ran across the following instructional strategy:
Yeah, I think I'll pass on giving that lesson. . . .
Yeah, I think I'll pass on giving that lesson. . . .
Friday, April 24, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Another quick joke
Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Wanna go ride bikes?
A: Wanna go ride bikes?
Monday, April 20, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
I thought this only happened in movies
Man bites python
Reuters - April 15, 2009
A Kenyan man bit a python who wrapped him in its coils and hauled him up a tree in a struggle that lasted hours, local media said Wednesday.
Farm manager Ben Nyaumbe was working at the weekend when the serpent, apparently hunting for livestock, struck in the Malindi area of Kenya's Indian Ocean coast.
"I stepped on a spongy thing on the ground and suddenly my leg was entangled with the body of a huge python," he told the Daily Nation newspaper.
When the snake coiled itself round his upper body, Nyaumbe resorted to desperate measures: "I had to bite it."
The python dragged him up a tree, but when it eased its grip, Nyaumbe said he was able to take a mobile phone out of his pocket and phone for help.
When his supervisor came with a policeman, Nyaumbe smothered the snake's head with his shirt, while the rescuers tied it with a rope and pulled.
"We both came down, landing with a thud," said Nyaumbe, who survived with damaged lips and bruising.
The snake escaped from the three sacks it was bundled into.
Reuters - April 15, 2009
A Kenyan man bit a python who wrapped him in its coils and hauled him up a tree in a struggle that lasted hours, local media said Wednesday.
Farm manager Ben Nyaumbe was working at the weekend when the serpent, apparently hunting for livestock, struck in the Malindi area of Kenya's Indian Ocean coast.
"I stepped on a spongy thing on the ground and suddenly my leg was entangled with the body of a huge python," he told the Daily Nation newspaper.
When the snake coiled itself round his upper body, Nyaumbe resorted to desperate measures: "I had to bite it."
The python dragged him up a tree, but when it eased its grip, Nyaumbe said he was able to take a mobile phone out of his pocket and phone for help.
When his supervisor came with a policeman, Nyaumbe smothered the snake's head with his shirt, while the rescuers tied it with a rope and pulled.
"We both came down, landing with a thud," said Nyaumbe, who survived with damaged lips and bruising.
The snake escaped from the three sacks it was bundled into.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Gastropod joke
A guy hears a knock at his door. When he answers it, there’s nobody there, but there’s a snail on the welcome mat. Frustrated, the guy picks up the snail and hurls it into the street.
Five years go by, and there’s another knock at the door. The man answers it, and again there’s no one standing there, but there’s a snail on the welcome mat.
The snail looks up and says, “What the hell was that all about?”
Five years go by, and there’s another knock at the door. The man answers it, and again there’s no one standing there, but there’s a snail on the welcome mat.
The snail looks up and says, “What the hell was that all about?”
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Quick and crazy facts
FACT: Dr. Seuss wrote Green Eggs and Ham after his editor bet him $50 that he couldn't write a book using fifty different words or less. Dr. Seuss won the bet (the story contains fifty different words).
SOURCE: Snopes.com
FACT: Singer Sheryl Crow was born Bertha Hogswater. She changed her name shortly after graduating high school.
SOURCE: The Biography Channel
FACT: The number of drunk people in the world at any given moment is estimated at 46,948,952.
SOURCE: Maxim Magazine
SOURCE: Snopes.com
FACT: Singer Sheryl Crow was born Bertha Hogswater. She changed her name shortly after graduating high school.
SOURCE: The Biography Channel
FACT: The number of drunk people in the world at any given moment is estimated at 46,948,952.
SOURCE: Maxim Magazine
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Top 5 nicknames (+ worst ever)
1. T-Bone
2. Slim
3. Chief
4. Slick
5. Hoss
Worst: Sport
Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!
2. Slim
3. Chief
4. Slick
5. Hoss
Worst: Sport
Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Update: John Mayer is still a tool
I have been keeping close tabs on the situation and I am happy to report that John Mayer is still trying to be a modern day Confucius. Check out some of his latest musings on Twitter:
Thursday, April 09, 2009
The reason I do not own a bow
Minn. man charged after playing 'Rambo' with bow
Associated Press (article excerpt) - April 9, 2009
A man was charged with a felony after prosecutors alleged he tried to impress a woman by firing arrows at his neighbors' homes with a powerful bow. Police found arrows in the siding of townhomes in the man's complex on Saturday. Another arrow went through a patio door, shattering the glass.
The charges allege the 30-year-old man was "extremely intoxicated" when questioned by police. So was his female friend.
She allegedly told investigators that they had been drinking all night before the man grabbed his bow and walked onto the deck. She thought he wanted to "play Rambo."
Associated Press (article excerpt) - April 9, 2009
A man was charged with a felony after prosecutors alleged he tried to impress a woman by firing arrows at his neighbors' homes with a powerful bow. Police found arrows in the siding of townhomes in the man's complex on Saturday. Another arrow went through a patio door, shattering the glass.
The charges allege the 30-year-old man was "extremely intoxicated" when questioned by police. So was his female friend.
She allegedly told investigators that they had been drinking all night before the man grabbed his bow and walked onto the deck. She thought he wanted to "play Rambo."
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Monday, April 06, 2009
Doctor joke
A woman is in her doctor's office when suddenly she whispers, "Doctor, kiss me!"
The Doctor looks at her and says, “No, that is totally out of the question."
A few minutes later the woman again says, "Doctor, please, kiss me just once!" The doctor responds, "I’m sorry but it would be totally unethical to kiss you. In fact, we probably shouldn’t even be having sex right now.”
The Doctor looks at her and says, “No, that is totally out of the question."
A few minutes later the woman again says, "Doctor, please, kiss me just once!" The doctor responds, "I’m sorry but it would be totally unethical to kiss you. In fact, we probably shouldn’t even be having sex right now.”
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Recently I have been hearing a lot about "Twitter," a micro-blogging site where people obsessively report their every little action. I checked it out and found that the service is basically for self-important egomaniacs who think everyone wants to hear about every time they eat a burrito. So, naturally I signed up for an account.
The first update I got was from John Mayer. He thinks he's super profound but he's about as deep as a kiddie pool. Check out his latest musings:
What a toolbox. If you are interested in stalking me, visit http://twitter.com/ryandangersims.
The first update I got was from John Mayer. He thinks he's super profound but he's about as deep as a kiddie pool. Check out his latest musings:
What a toolbox. If you are interested in stalking me, visit http://twitter.com/ryandangersims.
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