NPR rant

The other day I tuned my radio to NPR and discovered (to my dismay) that they were smack in the middle of one of their pledge drives. For those of you that have not had the pleasure, basically their pledge drives consist of NPR radio personalities trying to make you feel guilty for listening to their station and not contributing money. While I find these segments annoying, I realize that they are a necessary evil for public radio. The problem arose when NPR took a break from its pledge drive to air some COMMERCIALS for Nissan and Progressive. Now I'm no genius but I was under the impression that the reason NPR has to beg for money periodically is because they are a public radio station, made possible by listeners like me. Okay, maybe not like me since I haven't contributed, but you get the idea. My point is, what the hell are commercials doing on this station?!

"But Ryan," you may be saying, "they aren't commercials. They're just shout-outs to companies that contribute money to the station." First of all you really shouldn't start a sentence with a conjunction. Secondly, bullshit. They are pre-recorded endorsements promoting specific corporate consumer products in exchange for money. If that's not a commercial I don't know what is.

Now don't get me wrong, I love NPR. It is a great radio station that provides a wealth of fascinating information. One of the reasons I love it, however, is for its balanced approach to news. If they continue to accept corporate sponsorship they run the risk of becoming biased towards their investors. I understand that the economy is bad and money is scarce (which is why I haven't contributed to their programming yet). I just worry that they are going down a dark road. Also, the fact that they're taking breaks in their PLEDGE DRIVES to air commercials is just plain insulting.

So pull yourself together NPR. You're on notice.

Homeslice

My sandwich bread is trying to friend me on Facebook. Maybe the world is going to end in 2012.

That's Mr. Baals to you

No joke: Ex-mayor's name too funny for Ind. center

Associated Press (article excerpt) - February 8, 2011

A former Indiana mayor who won four terms in the 1930s and 1950s is proving less popular with modern-day city leaders, who say they probably won't name a new government center for him because of the jokes his moniker could inspire.

Harry Baals is the runaway favorite in online voting to name the new building in Fort Wayne, about 120 miles northeast of Indianapolis. But Deputy Mayor Beth Malloy said that probably won't be enough to put the name of the city's longest-tenured mayor on the center.

"We realize that while Harry Baals was a respected mayor, not everyone outside of Fort Wayne will know that," Malloy said Tuesday in a statement to The Associated Press.

An online site taking suggestions for names showed more than 1,000 votes Tuesday for the Harry Baals Government Center. That's more than three times the votes received by the closest contender.

Olfactory work

I have in my possession the results of a Yale University study that lists the "20 most recognizable smells in the United States." I am going to post the list on my blog sometime in the near future. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to guess what is on the list. Share your answers by commenting on this post and we'll see who comes closest to the results of the study.

P.S. I want to establish once and for all that you do not need to create a Google account to post comments on this blog (see below).



To comment on a post click the "comments" link beneath the post you want to write about. Type your comment into the text box and select "Name/URL" as your identity. Type your name in the "Name" box and hit "publish your comment." Congratulations, your typings will now be posted into the matrix of the interwebs.  Now get commentin'!

Photography

Hey everybody, I got a rad new camera and a Flickr account. Visit www.flickr.com/ryandangersims to see my latest work.

Myths debunked!

I recently purchased Armchair Reader: The Book of Myths and Misconceptions. I love this book because it reminds me of the stuff I used to buy at the Scholastic Book Fair when I was in elementary school. The reader is filled with popular myths and fascinating trivia. I've been taking notes while I read in order to post the most interesting information on this blog. Here are some of my favorites.

* Contrary to popular belief, hair and nails do not continue to grow after a person dies. When we die our bodies dehydrate and our skin shrinks, giving the illusion that our nails and hair are still growing.

* A mother bird will not abandon her baby if she smells evidence of human touch. Most birds have little or no sense of smell.

* A penny dropped from the top of the Empire State Building would not kill a person. Some of the speed that the penny picked up through the force of gravity would be negated by air resistance. The most damage it could cause would be a small cut.

* Lobsters do not scream in pain when dropped into boiling water. Lobsters have no vocal cords and lack the receptors to feel what humans call "pain." The sound that is caused by boiling them is from air trapped under the lobster's shell that expands rapidly and escapes through small openings.

Wise wisdom

I heard this the other day and I really like it:

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.

Gate rant

Okay, so you know those gates that guard "gated communities" like apartment complexes and condos? I have an opinion about those gates.

Let's say you are going to rob a house.* The gates are not a deterrent. All you would have to do is wait in your moving van until some sucker comes along to enter the code and let you in. Imagine, however, how stressful it would be to have to wait for someone to enter a code to let you out. Configuring the gates this way would also be better for emergencies. Usually emergency responders have to manually pull the gates open, wasting precious seconds or even minutes. If the gates opened without a code on the way in, there would be no delay in treatment.

*Note to current and future employers: This is a hypothetical situation. I have no intention of committing grand larceny. I may consider petty larceny if I can't afford to buy food, but really employer, whose fault is that?

I've been living a lie

Like anyone with half a brain, I've devoted my entire life to following my horoscope. Every morning I check my forecast and strictly adhere to every warning and suggestion. Imagine my horror then when I discovered that I've been following the wrong instructions! Apparently, in the 3,000 years since the start of astrology, the Earth's tilt has changed. I've been skipping through life thinking I was a weird schizophrenic man-twin (Gemini) when I am in fact a moderately priced mid-sized sedan (Taurus).

While I'm shocked that the scientific geniuses who follow astrology didn't figure this out sooner, I'm happy to be finally living my life according to my true path. Check out the new horoscope dates.

Capricorn: Jan. 20 - Feb. 16

Aquarius: Feb. 16 - March 11

Pisces: March 11- April 18

Aries: April 18- May 13

Taurus: May 13- June 21

Gemini: June 21- July 20

Cancer: July 20- Aug. 10

Leo: Aug. 10- Sept. 16

Virgo: Sept. 16- Oct. 30

Libra: Oct. 30- Nov. 23

Scorpio: Nov. 23- Nov. 29

Ophiuchus: Nov. 29- Dec. 17

Sagittarius: Dec. 17- Jan. 20

Here are my (old and new) life instructions for today according to horoscope.com. Click the image if you would like to make it larger.

If I hadn't learned my correct sign I'd be spending my day talking with friends and sharing a romantic evening with my partner like a sucker. Instead I'm off to buy a bunch of crap to decorate my apartment and adopt a pack of wayward pit bulls!

Guinness rant

If I had a Guinness for every time somebody told me that drinking Guinness "weighs them down," or that they can only drink one or two because they "get too full" I would be dead (from alcohol poisoning). Guinness Draught has only 125 calories per 12 ounce serving. To give you a reference for comparison, Budweiser has 145 calories and Coors has 149. Guinness is practically a light beer people!

Happy New Year!

I've added a "randomizer" to my blog for the new year (see top left column). Clicking the link will bring up a random post from the More Rants than Raves archives. If you click it and it brings up this post, you win $1,000,000!*

*Not really.

You like-a the pepper?

Behold the Naga Viper, the hottest pepper in the world. It was recently created by a British dude who crossbred three of the hottest peppers known to man. The Naga Viper measures 1,359,000 on the Scoville scale. To give you an idea of how hot that is, jalapeños rate around 5,000 on the scale and habaneros max out at 350,000.

Why didn't I think of that?

Check out these cool new inventions.

When I'm 64

You're already singing the song in your head, aren't you? Well snap out of it because this is important. I'm 32 which means I'm halfway to 64. I have decided to make a list of 64 things I'm going to do by the time I turn 64. Here they are in no particular order (I crossed off the ones I've already done).

1. Go on an African safari
2. Scuba/snorkel in the Great Barrier Reef
3. Take gourmet cooking classes
4. Go to Octoberfest in Munich
5. Go skydiving
6. Get a straight razor shave and a shoe shine
7. Stand on a glacier
8. Fire an automatic machine gun
9. Gamble in Vegas
10. Go to a pro wrestling match or NASCAR race
11. Learn to play a musical instrument
12. Ride a horse
13. Spend a romantic night in Paris
14. Go cliff jumping/cliff diving
15. Be an extra on a film or TV show
16. Drive a Lamborghini
17. Take a cruise
18. See the pyramids of Egypt
19. Marry a hot girl
20. Plant a tree
21. Sing karaoke in a crowded bar
22. Participate in an organized run (5k, 10k, etc.)
23. Trek through the Amazon jungle
24. Brew my own beer
25. Go parasailing
26. See Mount Rushmore
27. Call into a radio talk show
28. Learn a proper ballroom dance
29. Have kids
30. Ride in a hot air balloon
31. Gamble in Atlantic City
32. Fly in a helicopter
33. Quit a crappy job
34. Party in New Orleans
35. Drive a motorcycle
36. Dine on champagne and caviar
37. Perform a stand-up comedy act
38. Learn to surf
39. Take a martial arts class
40. Swim with sharks
41. Buy a house
42. Spot bears in Yellowstone National Park
43. Take my wife to Bora Bora
44. Go paintballing
45. Go whitewater rafting
46. Drink a Guinness at a pub in Ireland
47. Ride a mechanical bull
48. Volunteer for a good cause
49. Look down from the top of the Empire State building
50. Watch a movie at a drive-in
51. Attend the Olympics or the Super Bowl
52. Learn to drive a stick shift
53. Get into a fistfight
54. Take a trip with all three of my brothers
55. Learn a second language
56. Complete a "food challenge" at restaurant
57. Go to the circus
58. Party in an all inclusive resort
59. Travel the U.S. in an RV
60. Smoke a Cuban cigar
61. Map my family tree
62. Stay up all night and watch the sunrise
63. Go deep sea fishing
64. Explore the ruins at Machu Picchu

I am committed to completing this list in the next 32 years, and I can't wait to do it! I encourage everyone to make their own list. It's a lot of fun and makes you excited about the future. When you're done be sure to submit your list as a comment and share the awesome things that lie in store for you!

Superstitions

Unlucky 13

Some experts think that this belief might have started with the Last Supper in the Bible, where there were 13 people at the table. Judas, the apostle w­ho betrayed Jesus, was the 13th member of the party to arrive. Also, Jesus was crucified on a Friday (which may have helped contribute to Friday the 13th being such a feared day).

Knock on wood

Ancient people couldn’t understand why some trees stayed green all year and others lost their leaves. They thought some trees must have supernatural powers. For that reason, they would knock on trees to get their attention.

Don’t spill salt

At one time, salt was very valuable. To spill any was believed to bring bad luck. People also thought that evil spirits lived in the left side of the body. If a person spilled salt, he or she would try to please the evil spirits by throwing salt in their direction.

Cross your fingers

This custom began as a sort of shortcut for people making the sign of the Christian cross. People believed the cross protected them from evil or bad luck.

Broken mirrors

In ancient times, people believed that their reflection in the water or in glass was really their “other self.” They thought that if you disturbed this image, you would bring bad luck. Ancient Romans believed that life is renewed every seven years. This is where we got the idea of seven years bad luck if we break a mirror, disturbing our reflection.

Walking under a ladder

This belief might be traced to the fact that a ladder leaned against a wall forms a triangle. To many Christian people, the triangle stands for the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. If you walked under a ladder, you would break the triangle and bring bad luck.

Source: The Orange County Register's "Mini Page"

Impressive impressions

Check out these impressions of Denzel Washington and Will Smith by new SNL cast member Jay Pharoah. Awesome!

Settling the score

While I'm not what you would call a "sports fan," I do love to watch football. I have been a fan of the San Diego Chargers for nine years now and I have to say it has been a roller coaster of emotion.

So far this season has been a major disappointment. In fact, I was so frustrated by their performance that I went out and bought Madden NFL 11 in order to take matters into my own hands. I am happy to report that although the Chargers you see on TV are 2-4, my Chargers team is sitting pretty at 5-1. It's sad when you have a better time watching video game football than you do watching the real thing.

Fried possum!

Yesterday I ate lunch at a diner off Highway 101. While perusing the menu I noticed that they offered a meal called the "Road Kill Scramble." I tried to order it (because I'm such a manly man) but the waitress informed me that the entree was fake. Although my dream of eating a possum/squirrel was crushed (at least for now), I have to give the restaurant credit for their commitment to the joke. It's on the permanent menu and they even assigned it a price.

Top 5 albums (+ worst ever)

1. 40oz. to Freedom (Sublime)
2. From a Basement on the Hill (Elliott Smith)
3. Workingman's Dead (Grateful Dead)
4. Hot Fuss (The Killers)
5. Mutations (Beck)

Worst: Time, Love and Tenderness (Michael Bolton)

Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!

Public servant arrested in Washington state

Disoriented 'superhero' arrested in motorhome

Associated Press - October 5, 2010

Police who responded to a report of a prowler at a motorhome in Washington state found a "superhero" inside.

Commander Jim Rich told KITI-AM the man in a Green Power Ranger costume appeared lost and disoriented and apparently had been drinking.

Rich says the 28-year-old Centralia man apparently was dropped off by some friends at the wrong house after a weekend party. He was arrested for investigation of trespassing.