Nut jobs

It seems like every time I leave my house I run into at least one certified nut job. Here are two recent examples (with some super clever titles that I came up with).

Lighten up
I met a lady while in line for free chocolate chip pancakes who was really upset about balloons. She recalled a trip that she took fifteen years ago with her son to Disneyland. Apparently her son begged her for a balloon and she gave in - a decision that she regrets to this day. She claims to have memories of that "damn balloon" floating around her house for weeks afterward. Weeks. This statement obviously left me questioning her understanding of the physical sciences, but I didn't dare say anything for fear of extending the conversation.

The lady then launched into a rant about an impending helium shortage, which she blames on all the "stupid kid's balloons." She concluded her argument by saying that no child should ever be allowed to have a balloon, and that all balloons should be illegal.

The other b word
I was playing at the park with my son when some kids approached us and wanted to play. We invited them to join and continued making pretend food with sand and leaves. In a moment of inspiration I tore up some pieces of cardboard from my coffee sleeve and pretended it was bacon. The kids asked if they could have some, and I happily complied (reminding them not to actually eat it).

A few minutes later the mother of one of the boys we were playing with approached me. She was clearly agitated and wanted to know who gave her son the "bacon." She said that they were vegan, and that up until now her son didn't even know the word "bacon." I told her not to worry because technically cardboard is vegan. She was not amused.