Urban Death Project

A Kickstarter campaign called the Urban Death Project recently made almost $100,000. The name may sound like a supervillain's master plan, but don't worry. All they want to do is turn your loved ones into compost.

The Urban Death Project argues that there's too much waste and pollution involved in traditional burial services. With their process, bodies will be "laid to rest atop a three-story core containing material that facilitates decomposition, a lot like what happens on the forest floor."

I'm not sure how much they're going to charge for this service, but I plan on giving them a run for their money. For 50% of whatever they charge, I'll throw your loved one in the back of a truck and dump their body in a field. They don't even have to be dead.

Also, my composting services won't be limited to the hip "urban" dead. I'll take people from any location: the suburbs, trailer parks, dudes living on houseboats, whatever.

Don't settle for a decomposition that's "a lot like what happens on the forest floor" when your loved one can be left to rot on an actual forest floor! I won't use a coffin, cement plot, or "three-story core." My method is simple: your dearly beloved, lying dead in a ditch. You can't get any more "ecologically sustainable" than that.*

*Disclaimer: This is a joke. Please do not contact me about disposing of dead bodies.