Gifts (Room Email #7)

Hello everyone!

It's Ryan from Team McGregillyims. I'm forwarding a message from Sarah (the "illy" of Team McGregillyims).

Thanks everyone for pitching in! And the few that gave the last few days! Here is what we bought:

TEACHERS

Gift cards to Nordstrom’s 

Anthropology throw blanket 

Stanley 40oz water cups

TEACHER AIDES

Gift cards to Nordstrom’s

Stanley 40oz water cups

Thanks again and have a Merry Christmas and a great break!

Hi it's Ryan again. Looks like we got them everything but the Olde English 800 to put in those 40oz "water" cups!

Happy holidays and hope to see you at the class cookie party tomorrow!

I'm pretty sure that I'm the first room mom to include a reference to OE in a classroom email. So I've got that going for me . . . which is nice.

Holiday Party Sign Ups–and lots of random memes! (Room Email #6)

Hello families,

Tis' the season to kick in for some sweet holiday treats to spoil our awesome teachers and classroom aides. If you have already contributed, thank you! If you have not, here's your chance to make things right before Santa comes to knock down your door and drop a fat chunk of coal in your sock drawer, ya filthy animal.

Or, as Sarah more diplomatically puts it:

"As we are wrapping up 2022 before leaving for break we would like to give each of our teachers and classroom aids a holiday gift from the classroom. This is totally optional, but if you would like to contribute you can Venmo me. Thank you so much for those that have already given. We will make sure to note that the gift is from the entire class and deliver it to them on either Wednesday or Thursday of next week so the students can see what the families got them. Feel free to do something on your own if you would like."

We have a real good cop, bad cop situation going on here in our room mom circle and I am here for it.

Angela, who is also a good cop, has created a sign-up sheet for parents to volunteer in class on the last day before winter break. All parents except one (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)* are invited to come celebrate with the class!

*This is a joke. Unless you immediately thought I was talking about you, in which case you may be the problem. Nevertheless, you are invited.

One more thing! We are doing a Secret Santa gift exchange this year where each parent has been assigned one other parent to buy a lavish gift for.

Your person has been randomly selected and will appear in the box that follows this sentence: [Ryan Sims]  Whoever you got, make sure you really spoil them this year!

I look forward to seeing you at the celebration!

Happy Holidays,

Ryan of Team McGregillyims

These Colors Run (Room Email #5)

Hello room peoples,

I have been asked to remind everyone that the Color Run is tomorrow! I didn't know anything about it but I assumed that it involves dipping kids in vats of paint and chasing them around until they find a pot of gold-covered chocolate coins at the end of a digitally projected rainbow hologram beamed directly above a glitter covered finish line, triggering a live band playing Händel's Messiah (The Hallelujah Chorus) at an earsplitting volume, simultaneously blowing out all of the windows in the school.

Then I read the attached flyer and it turns out I missed a couple of small details.

Also, if you would have approached me during my undergrad while partying in Isla Vista and told me that in the future I would be a room mom tasked with forwarding URGENT Bingo information to a group of parents I would have done a Natty Ice spit-take and told you you were crazy. Nevertheless, here we are. Attached is the info I was implored to forward along "ASAP."

Room Announcements–Now with Holiday Colors! (Room Email #4)

Hello room families,

(No joke this time as my daughter is in school and I feel it may be slightly inappropriate to call in during class to ask her to come up with a joke for this email.)

It's been a minute but I'm back, baby! I have been instructed by the room parent overlords to alert you to a few things. I copied and pasted the items below like a true computer wiz. I also added inane comments after each one in an attempt to "make it my own Dawg" as the late* great Randy Jackson would say. (*He's not dead, he just seems like the kind of dude who is late to stuff.)

1. Please remind classrooms about the Color Run next Wednesday and send out attached flyer! 

Hey everyone! The Color Run is next Wednesday. Please see the attached flier!

2. Our next PTA meeting is this week. Just a friendly reminder that room parents are supposed to attend all PTA meetings.

Spoiler alert: I am not attending the meeting. In my defense I HAVE A JOB so everyone back off, please and thank you.

3. Our local police will be having a special presentation on Surviving Gum Violence at the Auditorium on Thursday.

Gun violence is terrible and terrifying. Gum violence, however, sounds downright intriguing. I'm assuming this was a typo in the line I copied and pasted, but you might want to go to the event and check it out just in case.

4. The Ugly Sweater Bingo fundraiser is coming up soon! Bingo cards will be available for sale before and after school beginning this Friday. 

Every year I walk by the table out front and do the best to act like I don't see the good people there begging for my money, and every year I end up getting suckered into buying some of those freaking Bingo cards. This year will be no exception.

5. [redacted celebrity name's] kid now attends our school and I ran into him in the crosswalk the other day. He's out of rehab and looking great!

Okay I added this last one, but it's true and now it's only a matter of time before we become besties and I appear with him in his next feature film so be on the lookout everybody!

Sincerely,

McGregillyims