Dogfish Head Indian Brown Ale

RATING: 4/5



Very unique flavor. I did taste the caramelized sugar advertised on the bottle, but the aftertaste came off as more of a porter. It's a well crafted beer, but it isn't completely my style.

Stone Levitation Ale

RATING: 4/5



Stone IPA is one of my favorite beers, so I was expecting to be blown away by their Levitation Ale. I was surprised to discover that it isn't fantastic. That is not to say that the beer isn't good. It is good, it's just not great. I mean I can see how Levitation Ale is tasty in it's own right, but it just can't compare with the full-bodied. . . . You know what? Just get the IPA.

Rolle Bolle

RATING: 2/5



This beer wasn't too bad, but I can think of a lot of other brands that I would rather drink. The initial flavor is nice but I didn't enjoy the lingering dish soap aftertaste. Rolle Bolle is made by the same brewery that puts out Flat Tire Amber Ale (another beer that I don't really care for). As with Flat Tire, the label for this beer is atrocious. At first it might look interesting compared to other options on the store shelf, but when you look closely it's clear that it was sketched by a drunken teenager.

Hoegaarden

RATING: 3.5/5



The name sounds like what a gangsta rapper would try to cultivate outside their "crib." The beer is cloudy with yeast, low on carbonation, and a little sweet on the finish. All in all, Hoegaarden is just a little better than okay.

Green Flash Brewing Co. Hop Head Red

RATING: 4.5/5



A fine hand-crafted amarillo dry hopped red india pale ale from the Green Flash Brewing Company. Say that three times fast. A spicy dry ale with a nice bitter finish. Very unique flavor--I tasted grapefruit and copper. When I lived in San Diego, I visited a restaurant called The Green Flash (not affiliated with the beer). I asked about the name and was told that it refers to a rare phenomenon that occurs occasionally at sunset. Apparently there is a green flash visible for a split second, right as the sun disappears below the horizon. I have watched a few sunsets since and I haven't seen the flash. Maybe you're supposed to drink a few of these beers before watching.

Firestone DBA

RATING: 3/5



Meh. I was expecting a much fuller flavor for something called "Double Barrel Ale." Reminded me of a weak brown ale. I really like some of Firestone's other beers, but to be honest it's hard for me to separate the beer from the bachelor. For those of you who don't know, Andrew Firestone is the heir to the Firestone tire fortune. The Firestone family also produces Firestone beer. Andrew was on the reality show The Bachelor a few years ago, which means he's an idiot. The whole time I was drinking this I was thinking that DBA really stands for "Douche Bag Ale."

Mammoth Brewing Co. Epic IPA

RATING: 4/5



GUEST REVIEW!
Here's a guest review from my friend and fellow beer connoisseur, Shawn.

"An extra half star for the name and the can graphics. I give it a solid 4 for the Alpine water and nice balance of hops."

Budweiser Select 55

RATING: 3/5



If you're going to go with one of the trendy low-cal beers, this is the one to pick. The "super light" beers are all pretty similar (light on taste, heavy on carbonation). I like Bud 55 because it has a pleasing (albeit very mild) flavor and it's the lowest calorie beer you can buy. Word of warning though: all these low-cal beers have about half the alcohol of regular beers. This means you end up paying (and peeing) twice as much for the same buzz.

Heineken

RATING: 5/5



There's nothing quite like an ice-cold Heineken on a hot day. Or a warm day. Or during a frigid ice storm. From the distinctive green bottle to the "good skunky" flavor, Heineken is a classic. I must admit that I'm a little biased here because it was my grandpa's favorite beer (and he was the coolest guy ever). As he would say, "It really hits the spot!"

Kona Brewing Co. Wailua

RATING: 4/5



I usually don't go in for flavored beers, but I had had this company's Koko Brown Ale and it was excellent so I thought I would give this one a try as well. I was not disappointed. Great front-end flavor with an authentic passion fruit aftertaste.

Coronado Brewing Co. Islander IPA

RATING: 2.5/5



Probably the least-bitter IPA I have ever had (and that isn't a good thing). It was smooth enough, but it was light on taste and it had a biting, acidic aftertaste that seemed to go on forever. Not horrible, but I definitely wouldn't' seek it out. I had high hopes for this beer. I was married on Coronado Island and it is a beautiful place. I heard the brewery is very nice so I will be sure to check it out next time I'm in San Diego.

Samuel Adams Latitude 48 IPA

RATING: 4/5



I have always enjoyed Samuel Adams beer and was excited to try their take on an IPA. I was not disappointed. Latitude 48 is a on the lighter side for an IPA, but still boasts a nice flavor with a crisp lemon-citrus finish. Plus every cent spent on Samuel Adams goes towards America!

Beck's Sapphire

RATING: 3/5



I was curious how these much hyped "sapphire" hops would taste. (Would it be like drinking a glass of fine jewelry?) Unfortunately it turned out to be a pretty basic beer. Very light flavor with a bit of a sake aftertaste. Not spectacular, but okay summertime drinkin.' I do think it's pretty unbelievable that they packed so little taste into a beer with 6% ABV. Hide this one from the kids!

Fireman's Brew Brunette Beer

RATING: 4/5



This German-style doublebock was very easy on the palette. I was expecting a heavy malty-sweet taste (it's 8% ABV) but it was actually pretty mild. My brother is a fireman and fights fires in the area around where this beer is produced. Next time I visit I'll try to convince him that we should go on a brewery tour together. My plan is to borrow his uniform and sweat it out while drinking what I can only assume will be a massive amount of free beer.

Belmont Brewing Company Chinook IPA

RATING: 5/5



This beer doesn't come in a bottle--you have to get it straight from the source. The brewery only makes Chinook occasionally which is probably good since it's so easy to drink it's scary. Full IPA flavor without being overly bitter. Light on carbonation with a long lasting hoppy aftertaste. The fact that the brewery is located on the beach doesn't hurt, either.

Magic Hat #9

RATING: 3/5



This beer didn't leave much of an impression on me. It was light on flavor with a kind of bitter orange-peel finish. The label promises "a performance in every bottle." Extending the metaphor, I would compare this beer to a street musician. While I enjoy listening to a song while I walk by, I'm not going to sit down on the curb and listen to the entire set.

Redbridge

RATING: 1/5



While about 0.1% of people in the United States are allergic to gluten, it seems that 99% of the US population think they have a gluten allergy. If you want to poison your body with alcohol but NOT gluten, Redbridge is the beer for you. Actually, scratch that--I'm not sure Redbridge is for anyone. This stuff is bad. It kind of tastes like carbonated vinegar water.

O'Doul's

RATING: 3.5/5



Fake beer is not just for alcoholics y'all! It's great when you want the flavor of beer but don't want to get tipsy. I have tried many fake beers and I think that O'Doul's is the best. It has a relatively full flavor with a nice caramel finish. It's not over-carbonated and not too sweet.

Interesting fact: fake beer costs more to produce than regular beer. I got into a conversation with a distributer a few years back and he explained that the brewery has to make the beer with alcohol first and then extract it. A process that takes extra time and money.

Lagunitas A Little Sumpin' Sumpin' Ale

RATING: 4.5/5



I have been a fan of Lagunitas for a looong time and I am so happy that they are finally carrying it in SoCal. I'd like to think that I had something to do with their expanded distribution since I was a kind of (completely unofficial) ambassador for them. Every time I went up North I would buy some and bring it home for my friends to try. A Little Sumpin' Sumpin' is nice and bitter with a crisp brown sugar finish. I could drink this one all day.

Blue Moon Agave Nectar Ale

RATING: 1.5/5



Agave nectar is basically sugar, so I was expecting a syrupy sweet beer. While this ale did have a hint of sweetness, it actually tasted sour, like a bad cider. To be honest, this beer made me a little sick to my stomach. It could have been the four huge tacos and three scoops of ice cream I had before I drank it, but I liked this beer less with every sip.

Baltika 3

RATING: 3/5



I applaud the way these Russian beers are classified. Each style is assigned a number that is clearly printed on the label. Saying the name of these beers aloud kind of sounds like you are referring to different spaceships. I saw numbers 1 through 9 in the store and I'm excited to try them all. The number 3 reminded me of a Dutch beer (light flavor with a somewhat skunky aftertaste). Good for a summertime BBQ.

Rogue Dead Guy Ale

RATING: 2.5/5



Initially sweet with a slightly bitter aftertaste. Okay flavor but nothing that makes me want to run out and buy a bunch more. I really like the label and have fond memories of drinking this in high school college. Back then the label glowed in the dark!

Tusker

RATING: 4/5



Nice light beer with a distinctive semisweet aftertaste. I’m not a huge fan of lagers but when I find a good one I get excited. This one reminds me a bit of XXXX (Australian beer) which is a good thing. Great for summertime drinking. Also, the beer is from Nairobi, Kenya and it is named after a freaking elephant that killed one of the brewery’s founders. So that's pretty badass, too.

A month of beer!

I pride myself on having sampled a huge variety of beers. I am always ready to give beer advice to my friends (or hapless supermarket customers minding their own business trying to pick out something for a party).

Get ready to get excited, because now I've decided to share my wealth of knowledge with you! For the month of July I am going to post one beer review per day. Some beers will be new to me, and others will be old friends that I will revisit for the purpose of this project. It will be rough, but somehow I'll manage.

I'm going to rate each beer on a scale of 1 to 5. The point breakdown is as follows.

5/5 = LOVED IT
Fantastic! You should be drinking this beer right now!

4/5 = LIKED IT
A solid beer choice. I would be stoked to see this offered at a party and recommend that everyone give this beer a try.

3/5 = IT WAS OKAY
A standard beer. Nothing outstanding, nothing offensive. Buy it on sale.

2/5 = DIDN'T LIKE IT
Although this beer may be likable to some, I found it unappealing.

1/5 = HATED IT
Toxic poison sludge. I wouldn't drink this beer even if someone gave it to me for free!*

*Okay, you got me. I'd drink it, but only because I'm pretty sure it's illegal to refuse free beer.

Looks like fun!

Artist Leandro Erlich just created an interactive art installation called "Dalston House" in London. Looks like a lot of fun!

A public service announcement

Attention drivers:

You must choose to adorn your car with either a giant eagle license plate frame, or a customized plate expressing your love of hunting animals in their natural habitat. Otherwise everyone's just going to think that you "love tos fart."

Cake catastrophe

I know this has been making the rounds on Facebook, but I had to archive it here. A lady bought a graduation cake for her daughter and asked that the baker put a little "cap" on her daughter's photo. Here's what she got.

BADASS!

Mom fights off carjacker with kids in backseat
United Press International (article excerpt) - June 17, 2013

Dorothy Baker-Flugence returned to her minivan with her two young children after shopping in Baytown, Texas, when Ismael Martinez, armed with a knife, popped up from the back seat.

Police say a two-year-old boy and his five-year-old sibling were inside the minivan. "The guy pulled a knife on her," said Charles Flugence, the victim's husband. "He had a knife on my son."

Flugence says his wife told him she struggled with Martinez, honked the horn and somehow called 911 while prying the knife away from the assailant.

"She got the knife," Flugence said. "She got a cut that goes across her chest. She grabbed the knife and he bit her hand."

Police say Baker-Flugence ran her van intentionally off the road trying to disorient Martinez.

When the van stopped, Baker-Flugence punched the man in the face, and he jumped out of the vehicle. That's when she reportedly ran over him.

Street smarts rant

There are few things more obnoxious than a person insisting that although they don't have a formal education, they make up for it with their "street smarts." Each person has the right to live their life however they want and I don't think that anyone is better than anyone else based on the extent of their education. My problem is with people that go around insisting that college is "stupid" and that everything they need to know, they learned from "the streets."

What exactly do these "street smarts" consist of? Not walking around late at night in the ghetto holding a big wad of cash? Knowing who to page in order to buy the best crack rocks? Honestly, I would like to see a syllabus.

I'm pretty sure that all you need to know in the way of "street smarts" is don't hang out in shitty parts of town and don't mess with guys with face tattoos. Class dismissed.

As fresh as a bar bathroom floor!

Fructis needs to shell out a little more money on the ink they use to label their shampoo. "Puke clean" doesn't sound very hygienic.

The worst of the worst

It's been a while since I've watched ANTM and I almost forgot how much I hate Tyra Banks. On the episode I just watched, Tyra literally prohibited this girl from showering, made her lay facedown on a filthy floor, and lick warm soda off of the tile. There was a cockroach crawling next to her head. I am not kidding. Tyra kicked her off the show right after the shoot was completed.

And don't even get me started on "Bryanboy." Just typing his "name" makes me throw up in my mouth a little. There are a lot of snarky little shits on reality TV, but he is the WORST of the worst. His contribution to the episode I discussed above was to throw trash at a model's feet and say, "that's what I think of your face." He also told her that she, "didn't look trashy enough" during her photo shoot. Did I mention she was photographed in a f*cking dumpster?

Psalm 137 ain't just a Sublime song, yo*

*Or a Melodians song, reggae snob.

I just finished reading The Bible cover to cover. I didn't skip over the boring parts. I read every single word (including the freaking endnotes). It took me about six months and I have to say that it was an interesting experience.



I have a long and complicated history with religion and do not consider myself to be a particularly religious person. That being said, The Bible is arguably the most important book of all time due to its impact on world history and culture, and the fact that it has literally billions of people following its instruction.

I am not going to go on about my thoughts here in this blog because I have a kind of unofficial policy of not discussing politics or religion on More Rants than Raves. If you'd like to know what I really think, buy me a beer sometime and I'll drop some mad philosophy.

So that's what that is!

Here are some things that I have always wondered about but never bothered to look up (until now).

1. How far is a "klick?"

2. According to proper etiquette, where do you put your napkin when you leave the table mid-meal?

3. What side of a boat is referred to as "starboard" and what side is "port?"

4. How much is a gold bar worth?


ANSWERS
1. In military terms, a "klick" is a distance of one kilometer (or .62 miles).
2. On your chair (NOT on the table).
3. Starboard is right, port is left.
4. The standard gold bar held and traded internationally by central banks and bullion dealers is the Good Delivery bar with a 400 oz. (25 lbs.) nominal weight. As of today's date, one of these bars would be worth $550,700.

Questionable counsel

Here are some things my parents told me when I was a kid that I believed for way too long.

1. If you swallow bubble gum, it will NEVER leave your stomach.

2. Using a Ouija board is basically direct-dialing the Devil (hey, at least it's toll free).

3. Mountain Dew soda is made with a special secret ingredient: bear pee.

4. When someone gets a lobotomy, the doctor opens their head, scrambles up their brain, and then replaces their brain with a banana.

Sexy to all genders

Recently I took the "Bem Sex-Role Inventory," a psychological survey meant to indicate how masculine or feminine a person is. The results range from "Marilyn Monroe standing over a subway grate" to "Burt Reynolds lying on a bearskin rug." Okay I made up the category titles, but you get the idea.

I was surprised to discover that out of the 121 possible results on the spectrum, I rate EXACTLY in the middle (androgynous). Click here to take the test for yourself and see if you are as perfectly gender neutral as I am (don't get your hopes up).

Skittles rant

Today I did something I thought I would never do. Today I threw away some Skittles. In the trash. I'm not talking about the stale, have-been-sitting-on-the-liquor-store-shelf-for-ten-years-and-are-hard-as-a-rock variety. These bad-boys were fresh. What would make me do such a thing? Two words: green apple. Also, four more words: taste like chewy garbage.

What the effyouseekay Skittles?! You can mess with the format all you want with all those other flavor bags you put out (sour, tropical, soap detergent, etcetera), but don't mess with the original flavors that put you on the map! Those green apple buggers are junkin' up the mix.

Supermomma!

Yesterday I was reading a comic and my son pointed to the character "Captain Marvel" (a bad-ass female superhero), smiled, and said Momma!



It was cute, except for the fact that he has already identified me as a squishy looking bunny man.  So I guess this what he sees when my wife and I are standing next to each other.



Don't we make an amazing couple?

Erasehairs!

When I was young, my grandpa (who was awesome) would take me to Toys "R" Us for school supplies (I told you he was awesome) and I would pick out a bunch of cool action figure erasers and scented markers. So when I saw these erasers by designer Chen Lu Wei, I naturally got excited. Every time you use them you change the character's haircut!

Gender Through Comic Books

I am currently taking part in a massive online class entitled Gender Through Comic Books. I am really enjoying the homework (i.e. reading comics), and it is fascinating to see diverse representations of gender in comic books over time. Here's a treat from 1960.


Used without permission from anyone. Deal with it.

Justice has been served

You know how every landlord that you have ever had has been a total dick? Well my friends, today justice has been served (at least for me).

Our last landlord was a bully who took our security deposit for damages that he knew already existed when we moved in. Well, we dragged that dirtbag to court and the judge put him in his place. Our former landlord was ordered to give us our deposit back plus damages. Take that "The Man!"

Get your head in the game

Whatever you do, DO NOT do the following:

On a Mac, press the "command" key and the "A" key at the same time.
On a PC, press the "control" key and the "A" key at the same time.

Oh my goodness gracious, you did it. Did you even stop for a second to consider the consequences of your actions? What if you had broken the Internet?! What if pushing that button combination would have launched a missile and destroyed the moon?!

Fortunately your rebellious button pushing was not for nothing. I knew that you wouldn't be able to resist, and I thought playing this harmless prank would be a good warm up for whatever tomfoolery your friends and family might have in store for you. Good luck out there today, people!

Current comics

I am still reading digital comics like a madman. Here are the three series that I am currently enjoying. I never thought I would like these particular titles, but I am surprised how good the story lines are.

Check this sucker out!

Scientists recently caught a giant squid on film for the first time!



New evidence suggests that, rather than having many species of giant squid spread throughout the world, we have one global population - a family of giant squid dwelling in different oceans. Creepy!

Walmart has the freshest venison

Man allegedly shot buck at Walmart
United Press International (article excerpt) - March 27, 2013

Authorities in Pennsylvania said a man faces charges including reckless endangerment for allegedly shooting a white-tailed deer in a Walmart parking lot.

The Pennsylvania Game Commission said Arcangelo Bianco Jr., 40, used a handgun to shoot the deer in the parking lot of the Resort Plaza Walmart in Blairsville in November and bagged the buck on the other side of the road.

In addition to misdemeanor reckless endangerment, Bianco faces five hunting-related summary charges, including hunting without a license, shooting on or across highways and unlawful killing or taking of big game.

"Obviously, we can't have someone running through a Walmart parking lot shooting at a deer," wildlife conservation officer Jack Lucas said.

An uncanny resemblance

Okay one last post about my son. If I don't regulate myself this blog could easily become all about how awesome he is. (And he is AWESOME, by the way.)

My son loves books. When he's not busy trying to eat them (see my last post), he likes to point out photos of objects and say their names aloud. He is very smart and gets all of them right . . . except one. Every time we read the book "Pat the Zoo," he points to the dumpy-looking anthropomorphic bunny on the cover and says "Dada!"

A quote for my baby boy

"Some books are to be tasted, others swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested." - Sir Francis Bacon

Umbrella rant

It's raining here and I'm reminded why I hate umbrellas.

I understand that if you're going to be outside during a monsoon, an umbrella could be handy.  My problem is that in today's modern age, I am never far from a place of shelter.  In the amount of time it takes to open my umbrella, transfer my stuff to my other hand, and awkwardly open my car door while trying not to drop my keys in a puddle, I could have walked back and forth to my car a thousand times (or at least twice).

When I use an umbrella, it seems that all I'm doing is using the top of it to catch water and transfer it into my car or house. Once I get inside, I'm stuck with a wet-ass umbrella.  What do I do with a wet umbrella? I can't put it outside, because it's raining. I can't collapse it and put it away, because it'll mildew. I can't leave it sitting open in my living room because that's just dumb.  Just thinking about it is exhausting.

I wish I was making this up

If you know me, you know that I am somewhat of a jokester. If you know me well, you know that I am in fact joking when I refer to myself as a "jokester," because I absolutely hate the term. See how much I love to joke?!

A couple of months ago I was walking through the perfume section of a department store while carrying my infant son. As a joke, I stopped and asked a sales lady if they carried perfume for babies. My request was met with the appropriate response of shock/dismay, followed by a laugh once I explained that I was joking. (Note to any wannabe jokesters out there, if you have to explain your joke then you know it was a success.)

A couple of days ago, I saw this:

Dolce & Gabbana launch perfume for babies
New York Daily News (article excerpt) - January 26, 2013

Dolce & Gabbana wants to redefine that fresh-smelling baby scent.

“How can babies smell even sweeter than they already do?” brand impresario Stefano Gabbana asked on Instagram.

The answer: a new fragrance, with notes of citrus, honey, and melon, which the luxury fashion firm designed especially for the stroller set.

“The softness of baby skin, the freshness of baby breath, a mother’s sweet hug, [and] the first smile” were inspirations for the scent, meant to enhance the tot’s natural smell, Gabbana said.

Each 50-ml bottle of perfume is “designed to cuddle and pamper every little boy and girl.”

A bottle of the fragrance will set mothers back about $45.

I can only hope that this is some type of sting operation, attracting horrible people to the sales counter so that they can be given a stern reprimand and a quick "wake up call" slap to the face.

Comics crazy

Lately I have been really into collecting digital comics on my Kindle Fire. I am reading a huge variety of comics and I thought I would share a few of my current favorites. (Each series or collection is represented by one issue cover.)

Some series that I'm currently following:


Collected works and story arcs that I liked:


New stuff I'm trying out:

Cool label, crap beer (#3)

It's 2013!

I came across this ribbon (which was awarded to me in Kindergarten), while going through a box of stuff in my Grandma's garage.



I was about to make a resolution for this year, but how can I possibly top placing "participant" in a cake decorating challenge?

Happy New Year!

A nice story for the holidays

Cop gives $100 to needy motorist

United Press International - December 12, 2012

A Plano, Texas, police officer wrapped a traffic ticket for an expired registration in a $100 bill after pulling over a man who was down on his luck.

Hayden Carlo said he was driving when an officer pulled him over for an expired registration. The father of two young children told the officer he had no excuse, except to admit he simply didn't have the money.

"You get paid, pay your bills, and there's your money. It's gone," Carlo told KTVT-TV, Dallas/Fort Worth. "I said 'there's no explanation for why I haven't done it, except I don't have the money.' I said 'it was either feed my kids or get my registration done.' "

The officer, who has asked to remain anonymous, handed Carlo a traffic ticket envelope. Inside was a $100 bill.

Carlo said he's been able to update both his and his wife's registration with the money and is driving back and forth to a new job legally.

"He helped me out when I needed it and I appreciate that. I'll never forget that man," Carlo says. "It definitely restored my faith in God."

Just a friendly reminder

Dear Mike Birbiglia

Dear Mike Birbiglia,

I just finished reading your book Sleepwalk With Me, and I wanted to tell you that I thought it was great! In your book you write that you obsessively check Google Alerts for articles that mention your name, so I thought this would be a good way to get in touch with you. If you are reading this it would be really cool if you would write a comment on this post!

In order to make sure that it is the real Mike Birbiglia (and not some Mike Birbiglia poseur), I was thinking that we should have a password. Please use the word "zebra" in your comment - that way I'll know it's really you.

Thanks,

Ryan Danger Sims

Check yourself before you wreck yourself

So I just opened a new checking account and sweet-talked the banker lady into giving me custom checks for free. Feast your eyes on my selection.



That's right, every check I write from here on out will say "DREAMS DO COME TRUE!" in big bold font, set against a striking leopard print background. You're welcome, America.

The Secret

As many of you know, my life has been crazy lately (hence the lack of blog postings). I was about to give up hope, when I saw a package of WD-40 which put everything in perspective.

Cool label, good beer (#4)

One more (I couldn't resist)

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, "What's with the paper towel?" The pirate says, "Arrr! I've got a Bounty on me head!"

Animal jokes

I love the jokes in Reader's Digest. Most of them are not funny, but I am fascinated with the idea that somebody thought they were hilarious enough to publish them. Every once in a while I come across a joke that, as the editors of the magazine would say, "tickles my funny bone." Here are a few.

A man and his dog go to a movie. During the funny scenes the dog laughs. When there's a sad part, the dog cries. This goes on for the entire film: laughing and crying in all the right places.

After the show a man who was sitting in the row behind them comes up and says, "That was truly amazing!"

"It sure was," the dog owner replies. "He hated the book."

A guy drives into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer is there to help. He hitches his horse, Buddy, up to the car and yells, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy doesn't move.

"Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy doesn't budge.

"Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer says, "Pull, Buddy, Pull!" And the horse drags the car out of the ditch.

Curious, the motorist asks the farmer why he kept calling his horse by the wrong name.

"Buddy's blind," said the farmer. And if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."

A guy finds a sheep wandering in his neighborhood and takes it to the police station. The desk sergeant says, "Why don't you just take it to the zoo?"

The next day, the sergeant spots the same guy walking down the street–with the sheep.

"I thought I told you to take that sheep to the zoo," the sergeant says.

"I know what you told me," the guy responds. "Yesterday I took him to the zoo. Today I'm taking him to the movies."