FACT: Dr. Seuss wrote Green Eggs and Ham after his editor bet him $50 that he couldn't write a book using fifty different words or less. Dr. Seuss won the bet (the story contains fifty different words).
SOURCE: Snopes.com
FACT: Singer Sheryl Crow was born Bertha Hogswater. She changed her name shortly after graduating high school.
SOURCE: The Biography Channel
FACT: The number of drunk people in the world at any given moment is estimated at 46,948,952.
SOURCE: Maxim Magazine
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Top 5 nicknames (+ worst ever)
1. T-Bone
2. Slim
3. Chief
4. Slick
5. Hoss
Worst: Sport
Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!
2. Slim
3. Chief
4. Slick
5. Hoss
Worst: Sport
Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Update: John Mayer is still a tool
I have been keeping close tabs on the situation and I am happy to report that John Mayer is still trying to be a modern day Confucius. Check out some of his latest musings on Twitter:
Thursday, April 09, 2009
The reason I do not own a bow
Minn. man charged after playing 'Rambo' with bow
Associated Press (article excerpt) - April 9, 2009
A man was charged with a felony after prosecutors alleged he tried to impress a woman by firing arrows at his neighbors' homes with a powerful bow. Police found arrows in the siding of townhomes in the man's complex on Saturday. Another arrow went through a patio door, shattering the glass.
The charges allege the 30-year-old man was "extremely intoxicated" when questioned by police. So was his female friend.
She allegedly told investigators that they had been drinking all night before the man grabbed his bow and walked onto the deck. She thought he wanted to "play Rambo."
Associated Press (article excerpt) - April 9, 2009
A man was charged with a felony after prosecutors alleged he tried to impress a woman by firing arrows at his neighbors' homes with a powerful bow. Police found arrows in the siding of townhomes in the man's complex on Saturday. Another arrow went through a patio door, shattering the glass.
The charges allege the 30-year-old man was "extremely intoxicated" when questioned by police. So was his female friend.
She allegedly told investigators that they had been drinking all night before the man grabbed his bow and walked onto the deck. She thought he wanted to "play Rambo."
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Monday, April 06, 2009
Doctor joke
A woman is in her doctor's office when suddenly she whispers, "Doctor, kiss me!"
The Doctor looks at her and says, “No, that is totally out of the question."
A few minutes later the woman again says, "Doctor, please, kiss me just once!" The doctor responds, "I’m sorry but it would be totally unethical to kiss you. In fact, we probably shouldn’t even be having sex right now.”
The Doctor looks at her and says, “No, that is totally out of the question."
A few minutes later the woman again says, "Doctor, please, kiss me just once!" The doctor responds, "I’m sorry but it would be totally unethical to kiss you. In fact, we probably shouldn’t even be having sex right now.”
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Recently I have been hearing a lot about "Twitter," a micro-blogging site where people obsessively report their every little action. I checked it out and found that the service is basically for self-important egomaniacs who think everyone wants to hear about every time they eat a burrito. So, naturally I signed up for an account.
The first update I got was from John Mayer. He thinks he's super profound but he's about as deep as a kiddie pool. Check out his latest musings:
What a toolbox. If you are interested in stalking me, visit http://twitter.com/ryandangersims.
The first update I got was from John Mayer. He thinks he's super profound but he's about as deep as a kiddie pool. Check out his latest musings:
What a toolbox. If you are interested in stalking me, visit http://twitter.com/ryandangersims.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Employee of the month
Police: Woman drugs boss's coffee so he'll 'chill'
Associated Press (article excerpt) - March 13, 2009
Police said a woman has been arrested for allegedly slipping some tranquilizers into her boss's coffee because she felt "he needed to chill out." Police said the 24-year-old woman admitted to detectives that she slipped the drugs into veteranarian John Duckett's drink. Officers said Duckett knew something was wrong shortly after drinking some of the coffee Tuesday morning.
Associated Press (article excerpt) - March 13, 2009
Police said a woman has been arrested for allegedly slipping some tranquilizers into her boss's coffee because she felt "he needed to chill out." Police said the 24-year-old woman admitted to detectives that she slipped the drugs into veteranarian John Duckett's drink. Officers said Duckett knew something was wrong shortly after drinking some of the coffee Tuesday morning.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Top 5 coolest celebrities
1. Harrison Ford (1977)
2. Neil Patrick Harris
3. Paul Rudd
4. Tina Fey
5. Stephen Colbert
Cold as ice: Chris Dane Owens
Thank you to everyone that contributed. Who knew there were so many cool celebrities out there?
2. Neil Patrick Harris
3. Paul Rudd
4. Tina Fey
5. Stephen Colbert
Cold as ice: Chris Dane Owens
Thank you to everyone that contributed. Who knew there were so many cool celebrities out there?
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Top 5 coolest celebrities (in progress)
Okay people, I need your help. Please submit the names of people you consider to be the "coolest celebrities" by clicking the "comments" link below. I will review the submissions and use them to compile my "top 5" list. Man, I am using a lot of "quotations" in this "post."
Before you submit, please observe the following rules:
1) You can post as many or as few times as you like but I need at least 5 different people to post before I publish the list.
2) If anyone submits Shia LaBeouf as a candidate, they will be automatically disqualified.
Now giddy up and start posting!
Before you submit, please observe the following rules:
1) You can post as many or as few times as you like but I need at least 5 different people to post before I publish the list.
2) If anyone submits Shia LaBeouf as a candidate, they will be automatically disqualified.
Now giddy up and start posting!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Guns for Gaga
I have an extremely high tolerance for crappy pop music. That being said, there is a new song on the radio that is so vile, so gut-wrenchingly stupid, that I feel I must write to warn everyone about it. The musical abomination I am speaking of is “Poker Face” by Lady Gaga.
I am not going to provide a link to this song because I do not want to promote it further than I already am. I know that this may seem ridiculous because by writing about the song I have no doubt piqued your interest. In fact, I would bet dollars to doughnuts that the next thing you do on the intraweb will be to search for this horrible song. You inquisitive bastards!
My favorite line in this craptacular masterpiece is not “I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning” as some of you may have guessed. No, the line I am speaking of is “Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun.”
Okay, so I never played Russian Roulette but I am pretty sure you need a firearm. This is kind of like saying “Monopoly is not the same without a game board.” I am left to imagine Gaga and her friends sitting around, tossing bullets at their heads in frustration.
The whole thing has inspired me to start a fundraiser with the goal of buying Lady Gaga and her friends a revolver. I’m calling it “Guns for Gaga” and I am sure that it will make the world a better place for all.
Please send money soon! I fear that Gaga may resort to playing Russian Roulette with her “love-glue-gun” and who knows what kind of chaos would result from that.
I am not going to provide a link to this song because I do not want to promote it further than I already am. I know that this may seem ridiculous because by writing about the song I have no doubt piqued your interest. In fact, I would bet dollars to doughnuts that the next thing you do on the intraweb will be to search for this horrible song. You inquisitive bastards!
My favorite line in this craptacular masterpiece is not “I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning” as some of you may have guessed. No, the line I am speaking of is “Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun.”
Okay, so I never played Russian Roulette but I am pretty sure you need a firearm. This is kind of like saying “Monopoly is not the same without a game board.” I am left to imagine Gaga and her friends sitting around, tossing bullets at their heads in frustration.
The whole thing has inspired me to start a fundraiser with the goal of buying Lady Gaga and her friends a revolver. I’m calling it “Guns for Gaga” and I am sure that it will make the world a better place for all.
Please send money soon! I fear that Gaga may resort to playing Russian Roulette with her “love-glue-gun” and who knows what kind of chaos would result from that.
Monday, March 09, 2009
Australians are badass
Kangaroo intruder terrorizes Aussie sleeping family
Reuters (article excerpt) - March 9, 2009
An Australian couple thought they were being attacked by an intruder when a kangaroo crashed through their bedroom window and started jumping on them.
"My initial thought, when I was half awake, was it's a lunatic ninja coming through the window. It seems about as likely as a kangaroo breaking in," Beat Ettlin told local media on Monday.
The three metre (9 feet) kangaroo smashed through the window in Ettlin's Canberra home on Sunday night.
While Ettlin and his wife and young daughter took refuge under the blankets, the injured kangaroo jumped on top of them, gouging holes in the furniture.
The next thing Ettlin heard was his 10-year-old son Leighton screaming from his bed: "There's a 'roo in my room!'"
Ettlin, a 42-year-old chef, wrestled the bleeding kangaroo, got it into a headlock and dragged it out the front door. The kangaroo disappeared into bushes.
Reuters (article excerpt) - March 9, 2009
An Australian couple thought they were being attacked by an intruder when a kangaroo crashed through their bedroom window and started jumping on them.
"My initial thought, when I was half awake, was it's a lunatic ninja coming through the window. It seems about as likely as a kangaroo breaking in," Beat Ettlin told local media on Monday.
The three metre (9 feet) kangaroo smashed through the window in Ettlin's Canberra home on Sunday night.
While Ettlin and his wife and young daughter took refuge under the blankets, the injured kangaroo jumped on top of them, gouging holes in the furniture.
The next thing Ettlin heard was his 10-year-old son Leighton screaming from his bed: "There's a 'roo in my room!'"
Ettlin, a 42-year-old chef, wrestled the bleeding kangaroo, got it into a headlock and dragged it out the front door. The kangaroo disappeared into bushes.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Top 5 most annoying celebrities
1. Paris Hilton (a predictable choice, but still true)
2. Dr. Phil
3. Adrian Brody
4. Bono
5. Whoopi Goldberg
Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!
2. Dr. Phil
3. Adrian Brody
4. Bono
5. Whoopi Goldberg
Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Caption contest #2
I got this photo out of People en Español (my new favorite magazine):
Since the original caption is in Spanish I converted it to English by running the text through the online language translator Babel Fish. I converted it from Spanish to English, and then double-checked it by converting the English to Japanese, and then translated it back into English. Apparently the caption reads:
"New urine a little just? A.B. As for QUINTANILLA in young promise in estrellato lassoing, him him the future of many NO for the singer of this sort which is given and that fianc2ee Elizabeth of Miami and amicable it is us to thing something which is not in [serenade]."
Now that that's cleared up, it's time for you to write your own. Go ahead and submit your caption for the photo now by clicking on the "comments" link below!
Since the original caption is in Spanish I converted it to English by running the text through the online language translator Babel Fish. I converted it from Spanish to English, and then double-checked it by converting the English to Japanese, and then translated it back into English. Apparently the caption reads:
"New urine a little just? A.B. As for QUINTANILLA in young promise in estrellato lassoing, him him the future of many NO for the singer of this sort which is given and that fianc2ee Elizabeth of Miami and amicable it is us to thing something which is not in [serenade]."
Now that that's cleared up, it's time for you to write your own. Go ahead and submit your caption for the photo now by clicking on the "comments" link below!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Super cool!
Last week my wife and I went to a improv comedy show in LA. The act featured a few big names including Michael McDonald from Madtv and Saturday Night Live's newest cast member Michaela Watkins. We got to meet Michaela and she was really nice!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Top 5 cocktails (+ worst ever)
1. Chi-Chi
2. Old Fashioned
3. Dry Martini
4. Straight Tequila
5. Salty Dog
Worst: Buffalo Sweat (shooter)
Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!
2. Old Fashioned
3. Dry Martini
4. Straight Tequila
5. Salty Dog
Worst: Buffalo Sweat (shooter)
Disagree? Submit your own list as a comment!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Pay it backward
Today I helped a woman who was stranded in the middle of a highway off-ramp. I pushed her car up a huge hill and almost passed out from the strain. When I finished, she stopped her car and didn't even look up to thank me. This may sound incredible to you but it didn't surprise me at all. Believe it or not, this is the third stranger's car I have pushed in the last six months. Each time I pushed the car while the person sat in the driver's seat. Each time the person did not thank me. What kind of crazy sense of entitlement does someone have to have to let a complete stranger push their car and not even have the decency to say “thank you”?! This got me thinking about "paying it backwards."
Remember that corny-ass movie with Haley Joel Osment called Pay It Forward? For those that haven't seen it, the main character (Osment) comes up with a plan to "pay it forward" by doing a good deed for three people who must in turn each do good deeds for three other people, and on and on until the end of eternity. SPOILER ALERT: At the end of the movie Osment gets shanked in the stomach and dies a painful death. I guess that's what you get for being a good person.
So if I responded to that thankless beyotch by doing a bad deed (like pushing her car into a ditch) would that mean I am "paying it backwards" or would that mean I am "paying forward" a bad deed? I guess "paying it backwards" would involve responding to a good deed by performing a bad one, or responding to a bad deed by performing a good one, so technically I would be "paying it forward" in a bad way. Wait. What?
I think I need more sleep. . . .
Remember that corny-ass movie with Haley Joel Osment called Pay It Forward? For those that haven't seen it, the main character (Osment) comes up with a plan to "pay it forward" by doing a good deed for three people who must in turn each do good deeds for three other people, and on and on until the end of eternity. SPOILER ALERT: At the end of the movie Osment gets shanked in the stomach and dies a painful death. I guess that's what you get for being a good person.
So if I responded to that thankless beyotch by doing a bad deed (like pushing her car into a ditch) would that mean I am "paying it backwards" or would that mean I am "paying forward" a bad deed? I guess "paying it backwards" would involve responding to a good deed by performing a bad one, or responding to a bad deed by performing a good one, so technically I would be "paying it forward" in a bad way. Wait. What?
I think I need more sleep. . . .
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