Angel City Brewery Double IPA

RATING: 4.5/5



The label mentions a "pine bitterness" which I can definitely taste, but I also detected a Sour Patch Kids sourness. This sounds like a gross mixup, but somehow Angel City Brewery blends these flavors to create a unique beer that I look forward to having again. This stuff would pair great with greasy pub food and a variety of appetizers. I also like that the brewery features local artist's work on their labels. Very cool.


Well, that's it! I hope you feel like you got your money's worth out of my month of beer reviews. If not, I will issue you a full refund of zero dollars and zero cents. May 2019 bring you all the joy and happiness that you most definitely deserve!

Happy new year!

Firestone Walker 805

RATING: 3.5/5



805 is pleasant but plain. I have a theory about why this beer is so popular. Want hear it? Well you're going to have to read aloud to yourself, because that's not how blogs work.

Ryan Danger Sims's Beer Theory #804*
There are a lot of people out there that don’t really enjoy the flavor of beer, but like looking like they like to drink beer. Clear so far? Good. So, something like 805 comes along and people are drawn to it because it doesn’t taste very bold. In fact, it doesn't taste like much of anything at all. It’s not bad, but there are plenty of domestics out there that are just as good and cost a lot less. Nevertheless, these people are happy to fork over $12 for a six-pack of this stuff so they can hold it in their hand and look cool.

Well there it is. Sorry for blowing your mind. While you're picking your brain up off the floor, I would like to give a shout-out to the name 805. When I attended UC Santa Barbara my phone had an 805 area code, so respect to Firestone for reppin' my old hood.

*I really wish I had just one more beer theory because the title Ryan Danger Sims's Beer Theory #805 would've matched this review perfectly. Oh well, live and learn!

New Belgium Trippel Belgian Style Ale

RATING: 4/5



Bold malt flavor upfront with a lingering teriyaki and nutmeg taste. Solid Belgian-style brew made by a brewing company named New Belgium, which is located in Colorado, USA.

Stone Vengeful Spirit IPA

RATING: 3.5/5



This Stone offering has flavors of pineapple and mandarin orange, as opposed to the Stone beer I reviewed yesterday, which has flavors of pineapple and tangerine. Not surprisingly, they taste pretty similar. This one had more of a lemon zest finish. Good quality, but nothing that would make me choose it in a line of other IPAs.

Stone Tangerine Express IPA

RATING: 3.5/5



Pineapple up front with a strong orange rind finish. I found this IPA to be a little too heavy on the citrus flavor. I know it seems like a weird critique for a beer that advertises these flavors on its label, but I feel they could have struck a better balance.

Ballast Point California Kölsch

RATING: 4/5



If I had to describe this beer in two words, they would be "easy drinkin’." I know this description may not be very helpful, but Ballast Point California Kölsch just has a classic beer flavor that's hard to deny. You're welcome.

Samuel Adams Old Fezziwig

RATING: 4/5



Old Fezziwig is nice holiday drink you can count on every year. It used to be sold on its own, but now is only available in Samuel Adams holiday packs. The orange peel and cinnamon seasonings are masked by the more dominant ginger flavor. I detected hints of chocolate and coffee. 

To be honest, Fezziwig is probably more of a 3.5/5, but I have to bump it up a bit because it's practically a Christmas tradition. Plus, how many beers are named after characters in classic novels?!

Merry Christmas!

Stone Hop Revolver IPA: Crystal Hop Edition

RATING: 4/5



Hop Revolver is the first in a line of Stone's new rotating single-hop series. The idea is to "demonstrate just how dramatically a single hop can impact a beer." I love this concept and welcome the opportunity to experience the nuanced flavors of each hop used.

That being said, this particular iteration was good, but has a pine tree flavor that was a bit on the heavy side. What I'd really like to see is for Stone to put out a variety pack of Hop Revolvers, all featuring different hops. Then you could taste and identify unique flavors between the different offerings. Excited to see what this series has to offer in the future!

Kona Brewing Co. Koko Brown

RATING: 4/5



Koko Brown is the Malibu rum of beers, and I mean that as a compliment. Nice coconut flavor with some brown sugar mixed in. The flavor may overwhelm your pallet when eating, so I recommend it for beach or poolside drinking. Very good for a flavored beer.

Founders All Day IPA

RATING: 3.5/5



Sweet sugary flavor rounded out with a light pop of IPA bitterness. A nice light IPA, but not bold enough for me. I know I sound like a broken record, but this "session ale" phenomenon seems like a scam. Why am I paying full price for an IPA with half the flavor and half the alcohol content? Unless money is not an option, I recommend saving your cash by just buying some good IPAs and drinking them slow.

House

RATING: 3/5



Continuing a trend I do not approve of, House is expensive beer sold in a can. Initially peppery, but a little hollow on flavor. Not bad, but I definitely won’t be seeking it out in the future.

Stone Delicious IPA

RATING: 4/5



Here's a behind-the-scenes look at my process. I don't actually review these beers every day in real time. I stock up a bunch ahead of time so I can make them all fancy-like before posting. I wrote the following review for Stone Delicious IPA back in September:

"Honestly it’s about one billion degrees and we don’t have air-conditioning, so I'm gonna keep it short and sweet. Light tasting IPA without the blast of bitter. Finish like fresh cut grass. 4/5."

Natty Daddy

RATING: 1/5



Straight off the bat, this beer gets negative 1,000 points for being called “Natty Daddy.” I had to pour this stuff into a glass before I drank it for fear of getting a disease from putting my mouth on the can.

I don’t fault it for being cheap and strong. I'm a fan of a Steele Reserve and Olde English 800, and in college I practically lived off King Cobra (with a side of Taco Bell). This stuff, however, is in a whole different league. Tastes like someone wrung out a dirty wet towel into a can and added salt. Hard pass.

Four Loco Watermelon

RATING: 1/5



As a general rule, I try to avoid drinking anything with the word "crazy" printed on the label (no matter what language it's written in). As I’m typing this though, I realize that’s not actually true. If you saw me at a party in high school, I was almost definitely holding a 40oz of Crazy Horse Malt Liquor. But I digress.

Four Loco is a different animal entirely. At 12% ABV, each tallboy contains 4.6 standard drinks. They should call this stuff "Instadrunk." It smells like watermelon Jolly Ranchers, but unfortunately in this case, smells are deceiving. Holy shit this stuff is bad. It tastes like chemicals and stale cough syrup. I'm pretty sure you could use it to kill cockroaches. A hard 1/5.

Imperial

RATING: 3.5/5



Imperial is a Costa Rican favorite. Many people don't know this, but the name actually translates to "easy drinkin’ beer." Imperial reminds me a bit of Red Stripe, but it maintains a slight edge in flavor because it's not as sweet. Imperial also has a sick-ass eagle thing on the label, which is pretty cool.

Henry’s Hard Soda Grape

RATING: 3/5



Tastes like grape soda. The flavor was not at as bad as I thought it would be (usually with these freak shows I end up fighting to take the last swallow). The problem is that each bottle contains 222 calories. If you're just trying to get a buzz, it'd probably be healthier to just huff paint.

Crooked Lane Brewing Company SR-16 Double IPA

RATING: 5/5



I reviewed this beer using voice dictation while drinking at NorCal brewery. Enjoy.

"Smoothligh grassy perfect ipa bitter aftertaste without overpowering the pallet. 5/5 Got it close to brewery in Grass Valley Floral and satisfying. Would pair great with any meal. I’m sold!"

Modelo Especial

RATING: 3.5/5



Modelo Extra has long been one of my go-to Mexican beers. Smooth, easy drinking with a sweet finish. Ideal for beachside sippin'.

Saint Archer IPA

RATING: 4.5/5



I don't know how this Archer guy was able to find time to create this fantastic beer while also doing whatever he had to do to become a saint. This IPA has a hints of chocolate up front and finishes with a crisp hint of fresh cut grass. Not overly bitter. A pleasant beer for any occasion.

Anchor Steam

RATING: 4/5



Anchor Steam dons what may be my favorite beer label of all time. I haven't had one of these brews in a while and it proved to be a lot lighter than I remember. A mild malt flavor gives way to a clean bitter finish which refreshes the palate.

Mother Earth Brew Co. Cali Creamin' Vanilla Cream Ale

RATING: 2/5



The unfortunately named "Cali Creamin'" ale is an interesting effort. The beer starts off with a typical light beer flavor and finishes with what can only be described as a musty, stale, Fruity Pebbles-like aftertaste. It wasn't completely undrinkable, but I definitely won't be coming back for more.

Corona Familiar

RATING: 3.5/5



I’m not sure what to make of this beer. Corona Familiar is more expensive than Corona Extra. Why am I paying more for something that isn’t extra? To make a garbled comparison to another Mexican adult beverage, I was hoping to have a similar quality jump from Corona Extra to Corona Famimliar, as there is from Cuervo to Cuervo 1800. But alas this is not the case. Corona isn’t that complex to begin with, and this just seems like a slight variation on the formula. Corona Familiar may be a little smoother than Corona Extra, but the small quality jump isn't worth the money.

Guinness Irish Wheat

RATING: 3/5



It was fine. I didn’t pick up on the "banana and clove" flavors but it did have a nice citrus lemon zest at the finish. This beer is the definition of "okay," as there was really nothing special to make it stand out. I don't feel that this brew is worth the Guinness label, or the high price tag.

Modelo Especial Chelada

RATING: 3/5



Not as bad as most tomato flavored beers, but that’s not saying much. Plus, at 3.5% ABV, you’d have to swallow a sickening amount to get a buzz. Might as well drink Bloody Marys and get your vitamins.

Hop Valley Brewing Company Alphadelic IPA

RATING: 4.5/5



Floral, very well balanced and smooth. I can see myself drinking this on the beach, at a BBQ, with a cheese platter, on a house, with a mouse.

Twisted Tea

RATING: 2/5



My first reaction was "this isn't super tasty, but it's okay for an alcoholic tea." I don’t really have a great frame of reference because I’ve only had one other alcoholic tea drink and it was very sweet and gross. Twisted Tea has a synthetic lemon aftertaste that reminds me of the giant cans of Arizona Iced Tea I used to drink back in the day. The first few sips were okay, but it definitely got harder on my stomach the more I drank. I almost couldn't finish the tall boy.

Guinness Blonde American Lager

RATING: 4/5



I have to admit I was a bit nervous trying this, as my favorite brewer has failed me in the past. Turns out I had nothing to worry about. Guinness Blonde's initial sweetness is balanced nicely by a slight sour lemon finish. This combination leads to a very drinkable brew. I’m so glad Guinness didn’t mess this one up!

Leinenkugel’s Summer Shandy

RATING: 3.5/5



Even though it looks foreign and is hard to spell, Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy is from Wisconsin. Weird.

This stuff tastes like sparkling lemonade, which I used to love as a kid. It also reminds me of lemon popsicles. Although Leinenkugel’s smells like fresh squeezed lemon, it stays away from the dish soap flavor often associated with these types of brews. I wouldn't always pick it over a good beer, but it would make a nice change up on a summer afternoon.

Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout

RATING: 3.5/5



I had this beer a long time ago and hated it. I have to say that I’m a lot more impressed with it this time around. I think this may be due to the fact that there are so many high alcohol beers around now to compare it to. Back in the days of Coors Light and Red Dog, Old Rasputin was an assault on the palate.

Old Rasputin has a kind of coffee flavor and is a little sour on the finish. Okay but nothing to get excited about.

Golden Road Brewing Company Palisades Pineapple

RATING: 1.5/5



First off, I want to let you know that I am mildly allergic to pineapple, so I'm basically risking my life to write this review. I don't like to throw around the word "hero," but in this case I think it applies.

This beer was a big disappointment. The label promises a beer infused with fruit flavor, but in actuality this stuff was a watery mess. Super light almost-guava flavor, combined with low carbonation. At least Zima was an original idea.

Zima

RATING: 2/5



Zima may smell like cheap white wine, but it tastes like carbonated cheap white wine. Zima gets major props for being the first of its kind. I remember back in high school sneaking one of these from my grandpa's fridge. It tasted so bad that even as a dumb teenager I knew to stay away from this stuff. I brilliantly replaced my sip with water and hammered the cap back on. Luckily my grandpa must have felt the same way about Zima, because after trying one (not the one I tampered with) he never opened another bottle from the six pack.

It's the most wonderful time to drink beer

Yesterday my wife surprised me with a German Beer Advent Calendar, because she is awesome! The "calendar" has 24 unique German beers and an app that lets you scan, rate and review the beers on your phone. Needless to say, I am excited.

On a related note, I will be posting one new beer review per day during December 2018. The reviews will be for brews I already sampled, not the German beauties I will be enjoying every day leading up to Christmas. I may post about them later, but for now I'm just gonna enjoy 'em. If you want to play along, head down to your local Costco and see if they have any left!



Here's a product shot from the company's website. I don't know German, but I'm pretty good at predicting what people are saying by looking at a still photograph.



"Holy doozledorf! There is beers here that are one for every guten tag. Talk about a Germany girl's dreamboat! I can't wait to drink them all through my mouth!"

Lasagna wings and naked buildings

Comedian Keaton Patti forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Olive Garden commercials and then asked it to write an Olive Garden commercial of its own. Then he did the same thing with stand-up comedy. Click each icon below to read the (one page) scripts. They are fantastic.

A beautiful thing

After hearing about Mac Miller's passing, I found his Tiny Desk Concert and I must have watched it at least ten times since then. So much joy and talent.



The songs from this performance aren't available to purchase, so I extracted them from YouTube, cut them into tracks and added album artwork for iTunes. I am making the tracks available for download here. I've never used ads on this site, so I'm not making any money on this. If anyone from his estate reaches out to me I will pull them immediately. I just want to share because, as Mac says, "music is a beautiful thing."



Download Track 1: Small Worlds

Download Track 2: What's The Use (w/Thundercat)

Download Track 3: 2009

The last straw

I have an issue with the children's cartoon Bubble Guppies. I realize that the laws of physics don't apply in cartoons, but the creators of this show have gone too far. There are things that mermaids merpeople simply cannot do.

Strike 1
The characters go swimming in a (underwater) pool.

Strike 2
The characters roast marshmallows over a (underwater) campfire.

Strike 3


You're out, Bubble Guppies!

Game changer

My daughter's first screenplay!

My 4-year-old daughter dictated a screenplay to me this morning and I typed it out. The cutest part is that when we finished, she kept asking if we could "watch it on TV." Your move, Scorsese!


Click above to view the full screenplay, complete with storyboard art!

This fence may outlast us all

Update: The fence is still (kind of) standing.

Bad news

Are you tired of reading news articles about how bad everything has gotten? Here's a terrible top 10 list instead, just to switch it up!

I recently discovered this "Worst Celebrities of All Time" list, created by popular vote on TheTopTens.com.



WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

A dog's age

Do you know the old adage that says "one human year is equal to seven dog years?" Well, apparently that's bull dogshit. Here's the real deal.

A rat in the bathroom!

What do you do when a rat runs in from outside and gets trapped in your bathroom? A lot of yelping and jumping around, apparently.

Sick burn

The theme of this year’s Burning Man is artificial intelligence. To celebrate, scientist Janelle Shane of aiweirdness.com conducted an experiment.

Janelle fed a list of over 1,500 past Burning Man camp names to a neural network (a kind of machine learning algorithm). She then asked the network to create new camp names based on the data set.



Here are my favorite camp names, ranked from 1 to 10.

10. Lump Make Toast
9. Boo Down Whiskers
8. Disco Letheratary It Bang Busterf*ck
7. Camp Secret Buff
6. Princess SpaghetFly
5. The Mad Wall F*ckers
4. Flasher in Fur
3. Cohnie Stacefur Ass Chaos
2. Ho Bobbis Wang Mojo
1. Dirty Chris

Like a Boss D.J.

I called in to The Woody Show on ALT 98.7 yesterday to talk about "first world problems."

Another name by any other name would be a different name

Ever wonder what your name would be if you were born this year instead of the year that you were actually born? Me neither, but this thing is still fun.

time.com/baby-name-popularity/

My baseball card collection

(Plus two football cards.)

I've been going through my old baseball card collection with my son and we've been having a blast. Although my collection isn't worth the millions of dollars I hoped it would be when I grew up, I am happy to say that it is worth over $300. Well done, 11-year-old Ryan Danger Sims. Well done.


Click on the image to see the full list of my cards.

This checks out!

(Click to enlarge.)

This is 40

GET LOST

in a good book.

If you're looking for something great to read, I highly recommend the Dublin Murder Squad series by Tana French. I stumbled upon the author by chance when looking for an easy beach read while on vacation. I was surprised to find an excellent author with a number of compelling stories under her belt. I ranked them in order with my favorites at the top.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Must Reads:





---------------------------------------------------------------------
Should Read:





---------------------------------------------------------------------
Read If You Have Spare Time: